Ive been having an affair.

[Carlyxox]

Good evening all! This is my first post on here & I know I'm more than likely going to get slaughtered for what I'm about to post, but I am single & have been for 2 years now, I've been having an affair with a married man for 7 months, firstly the wife, they've been together 8 years & haven't had a physical relationship for 5 of those years, they have separate bedrooms & no children together only grown up children from other relationships... we have a wonderful relationship we can talk for hours, the intimacy is amazing, but just recently I don't know if I've started falling for him but things are getting really difficult, I find myself relying on him, needing him, missing him when he's not around & going out of my mind when I know she's home. Even though I know nothing is happening, he has been clear from the start that he will never leave her & does love her, the relationship just lacks intimacy & he misses that.
I guess I just needed to vent & hope someone has been in the same situation, I can't talk to anyone as it has to be a secret so it's good to air what I feel.
I know it's wrong but you can't help who you fall for.

I was in your situation once, in my defense I didn’t know he was married until 6 months in and I left shortly after, broken hearted. How did you meet if you don’t mind me asking? I know it’s hard, the thrill you get when you finally get a text from them, that bit of affection. You need to walk away before you end up completely broken xx

Yes, you cannot help who you fall for, but you CAN help not acting on it. That wife is a woman just like you, and did you no wrong. Have you read the many many stories here how wives find out about their husbands cheating and how devastated they are? You wouldn't want to be in their position, so why be someone who causes such grief to another person?

Have posted an update on another thread

Carly, what the other thread, please ?

Lmfao can't believe you actually believe they haven't been intimate for years. OF COURSE he will tell you this. He's a cheating man and will tell you what he needs to in order for you to feel more wanted. I'm sorry you're so insecure that you felt you had to go on with a married man, hope you get well soon

You do realise only scumbags cheat on their wives. People who were dragged up.

My stbexh used that ol' chestnut on his OW too. We'd been TTC DC3 so not sure how that equated to no sex for years Glad I didn't get pregnant now but that would have taken some explaining

@Wauden Part two: www.mumsnet.com/Talk/relationships/3338064-part-two

This thread.

I'd be more worried about your gallstones than this wanker OP.

Why would he leave his wife?Your giving him what he wants for free.He doesn't have to split his money and house with his wife ,he keeps all his friends and saves the aggro of moving.
He doesn't love u -if he did he would leave his wife .Plenty of men do.

If you read the other thread (dont know why it needs a new thread with a part 2) she says that she's dumped him and he's now threatening to ruin her future relationships but then wants her back and she's finding it difficult to say no to him

The only reason you 'need' him so much is because you can't have him!

Your affair is based on hiding out, stolen & secretive time together, it will all seem exciting & him keeping you hanging on is just mind games & will trick you into thinking you 'need' him around more, because what you can't have will make you want it more.

I'm sure all the fun would wear off if you had him around full time... the age gap would then show hugely, you would be a laughing stock amongst a group of people your own age hanging out with a grandad!

Well he certainly has you brainwashed left right & centre!

Wake up & see this for what it is!!! Don't waste your youth on this sleazeball!

What is the point in your relationship if he won't leave her? Just get rid and move on with somebody single ffs.

You are truly an idiot for believing that crap.

This is a nothing relationship. You have nothing with him. No past, no future, no home, no family, no friends.
Not even any honesty. It’s a sordid nothing relationship. You can do so so much better. You deserve so much more from life.

He will never leave because he doesn't have to leave.

I agree with pps who say that you will wind up with nothing. Bitter experience perhaps, but why not be free for a relationship where your partner can be with you, official, known and committed?

the two things you cant do on this forum is admit to having an affair, and admit to seeing a prostitute, there are to many do gooders on this site prepared to slaughter anyone who strays from what they think is a perfect life. i"m quite happy to watch a bit of porn while they are watching repeats of the waltons.

You're a dumb ass.

You believe a man who is lying to his wife? A person he made vows to?

He's still sleeping with her. They still have sex, even if not often. He's never going to leave her. You're a bit on the side for when he wants more sex.

admit to having an affair, and admit to seeing a prostitute, there are to many do gooders on this site prepared to slaughter

Prostitute I couldn't care less about. If someone is desparate and it's the only way to get some all power to them.

But having an affair and cheating is a different thing. Nothing to do with living a perfect life in the eyes of others but about having respect for other people as well as yourself. There are kids and the other partner who's lives end up shattered over the selfishness of others.
So slaughter I will, they deserve nothing less than being told what lowlifes they are and they do deserve everything that comes with doing what they did.

Clearly you've not been cheated on to know what it's like being the other party who's life is turned upside down. Perhaps your time will come and I expect you will sit back and take it after your post, wouldn't want to be a hypocrite now.

posted because I'm unhappy desperately unhappy with the situation I just want him, I want to be with him properly but it's never going to happen & I feel stuck in a place I don't want to be, of course I don't want to be the other woman, but I am & now I'm in to deep so deep I can't see a way out
The way out is to find your self-respect and end the relationship.

NEWSFLASH!! OP stated on her other thread that she has in fact dumped him so save yourselves the time and effort if reading and posting Sorry for the loudness but seeing as OP posted a whole new thread to say she's ended it rather than update on here I thought I'd highlight it to save pages of "LTB" when she already has. I have no patience for all these I'm having an affair threads and the attention seeking women who write them.

Rant over