Ive been having an affair.

[Carlyxox]

Good evening all! This is my first post on here & I know I'm more than likely going to get slaughtered for what I'm about to post, but I am single & have been for 2 years now, I've been having an affair with a married man for 7 months, firstly the wife, they've been together 8 years & haven't had a physical relationship for 5 of those years, they have separate bedrooms & no children together only grown up children from other relationships... we have a wonderful relationship we can talk for hours, the intimacy is amazing, but just recently I don't know if I've started falling for him but things are getting really difficult, I find myself relying on him, needing him, missing him when he's not around & going out of my mind when I know she's home. Even though I know nothing is happening, he has been clear from the start that he will never leave her & does love her, the relationship just lacks intimacy & he misses that.
I guess I just needed to vent & hope someone has been in the same situation, I can't talk to anyone as it has to be a secret so it's good to air what I feel.
I know it's wrong but you can't help who you fall for.

Enough younger*

Even though I know nothing is happening
Ahhhh... bless you for believing this.
It's the oldest line in the book.
I'm nearly 50 and I still love sex.

He is old enough to be your father.
He is a creepy old sleaze and you know it.

Just...... ICK!!!!!

You are wasting your life. You must stop for your own good, if not for moral reasons. He is completely using you. Sounds like you are very hooked and I don't doubt it will be painful at first to stay away. But in the longer run you will be MUCH better off and happier. Tell him you're done, then go NC, block, try and move on. I would recommend building a support network of friends, and have therapy if you can afford it to help you. It will hurt when you rip that plaster off - but it has to be done. You will meet someone one day that will not drive you insane and who can be there for you properly, loving you properly in the way you deserve. Do not settle for this rubbish!

Some people are so harsh!! This woman has found herself in a shit situation, rightly or wrongly and now she's crying out for help and everyone just tells her to grow up or what an awful person she is for having an affair?!?
OP this is completely shit, the bloke probably does have strong feelings for you and is enjoying having fun with a younger woman but the reality is that he will probably have a lot of other things with his wife, like financial security, a family that respect him (which he could lose if he left her for you?) and probably a comfortable and steady life.
He's admitted he won't leave her so you know you need to move on. Try cutting contact slightly and also get yourself back out there and have some fun and meet someone closer to your age.
It's shit now but it will get better you just need to accept the heartbreak that he'll never be yours properly and start moving on now. Good luck

I feel so reliant on him, I constantly check my phone, I drop everything if he needs me too, I've spent money on him I can't go more than a day without hearing from him, it effects my whole existence

Is this your first ‘love’ op? I’ve been there, he was young and single, but completely unworthy of the time and effort I spent pining over him.

I later realised it wasn’t about him at all. He was just something I needed to go through to realise that I was worth more. I spent a few years alone and found someone who was crazy about me and treated me well and that made it all worth it.

You deserve better. You know that deep down.

I haven't told her that.
She is niaive beyond belief but is young so we are pointing this out for her.
And I've let her know her cheating partner is a sleazy creep.

1toberloneplease

Thank you.

Yes- he's my first love.

Thank you for all the comments even the harsh ones, I knew I'd receive them & I fully deserve them.

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SandyY2K
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I don't think you do deserve the harsh comments, OP. My opinion is largely unpopular on MN, but I think affairs are never black and white, and there are living breathing people involved on all sides.

However, this is not so much about an affair as it is about how you lose yourself in a relationship. It seems that you sacrifice yourself - your time, your wellbeing, your self-esteem - to meet someone else's needs, holding out hope that, finally, you'll be rescued one day.

Please, please investigate some therapy. You're young; you have time to understand why you're doing what you do, and to get your life back and live it on your own terms.

I'm 25 as said below.
What am I stupid for believing exactly? What he tells me? I have no reason not too.

but he just seems like a good guy who's just made a mistake & found himself in a situation,

Total bollocks. He could easily leave but he doesn't want to.

I don't know what responses you're expecting but they're not going to be positive. Why on earth are you sleeping about with a married man? Do you have no respect for his wife? Or yourself? What happens in their marriage is quite honestly none of your business, and as such not for you to judge if it's okay for him to cheat. Get a bloody grip and start acting right! You'll get no sympathy here for falling for a man you knew was married. It's wrong, no excusing it, quit your bullshit.

You poor thing, I do hope you grow up and find your self respect and morals soon. But for now you deserve all the misery you're going through. What a hide, it's definitely not a situation I'd ever be saying out loud even anonymously online...

He has only been with his wife for 8 years but they have not had sex for 5 of those years! Yeah right. So why would he stay with her? Even if that were all true, which I doubt, he must love her to stay with her.

Why on earth would a 25 year old be interested in a guy of 51? He is far too old for you. Even if you got together how long before you were bored out of your mind because of the age difference. Maybe you would be happy to end up as his carer?

How old is he?
The chances of him leaving are slight.
If he was honourable and unhappy he would have split up with his wife before finding another relationship.
Give your head a wobble.

He's 51.

I wasn't expecting sympathy no but I thought the majority of anger would be directed at him considering he's the one who vowed his life to someone not me! Yes I'm enabling the affair but I'm NoT married.

I know he won't leave her, he's told me he won't leave her.

I wish I wasn't so screwed up that i genuinely think he loves & cares about me & I wish I could just walk away, I wish I didn't love him.

He's too old for you OP, he doesn't want to leave his wife even though he could. You know there's no future in it, so what sort of advice can anyone give you?

You know what to do, but you don't want to. If he really cared for you he would end it to be kind, which should tell you he's just after sex.

What does spending money on him consist of?

Why should he leave her when he's got you dangling on a string ? You're enabling his nonsense.

@Carlyxox you are so young! He's having a mid life crisis and found himself and playmate. Walk away from this man, go find some friends and get out and have fun. All you will do is prolong the inevitable.. he's not leaving his wife, I assume you want a lovely family of your own one day? He's not the man to give you that.

You are not powerless, you can walk away. You are choosing not to.

You aren't happy with the situation as it is and he has told you it won't change. Why choose this path for yourself? You are allowing yourself to be used. He may well have some feelings for you, but he has more for his wife (and look how he treats her).