Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

I doubt you would ever find any answer satisfactory. What could possibly justify it in the eyes of the one who was cheated on?

Very valid point, I share your sentiments. But it's going ahead. As it's a one off, (I cannot see OW agreeing to this ever again), I really want to try and support her get the best closure possible.

"So, did you leave him because you found out he was a liar?" would be something I would really like to know now!

Oh, you're asking her now? Totally pointless, I agree! Whatever she says it will just upset/rile up your friend even further.

I honestly think this will be more damaging for your friend. She won't get closure. Of course this woman didn't think about her. Or if she did it wasn't enough to stop it. Some people are just capable of compartmentalisation to the extreme. Or she felt she loved your friend's husband so much that the wife just didn't matter. Either way, who wants to hear that?

My ExH is now living with the OW. Good luck to her I say!

My only question would be 'please can you sign here to say you're not going to try and send him back?'

No good will come of dragging over old misery. Having been there, I would suggest that your friend needs to take a breath, and look forwards.

"was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families."
As I understand my exh, his answer would have been "Yes it was; I didn't think about the outcome, and of course I thought about my family; my family is very important to me".
Imagine reporting that to your friend.

What did he tell you about us?
Was he easy?

I would say ' you are welcome to his lying cheating exsistance '! and then ask 'will you ever trust him'? Not really caring about the answer because I'm sure she never will.
Once a cheat always a cheat. Him and her = both selfish people.

I'm an OW to an OM. It's just physical, there's no love, it's only been going on a few months and rarely. Yes, I am selfish, I like the thrill of the secrets and the sex. And yes, I know I'm a bitch.

That's a valid point about the trust.
Believe me, I share all of these concerns and am terrified for my friend after so much heartbreak.

But she is determined and it's happening.

So I really want to support her the best I can.

And the sign here comment is great!

WasFatNowThin

Now folks, right here is an example of extremely low self-esteem.

I'm also an OW. It's not due to low self esteem. I'm single and don't want to be in a relationship. He's married and doesn't want to split up with his wife. However, we both want to have sex and find each other convenient for that purpose.

This sort of thing has happened in human behaviour for thousands of years. Monogamy is a difficult beast to tame.

@Djnoun yuck yuck yuck yuck.

People come up with lots of reasons for affairs. You proud ladies can't pronounce on this woman's motivation, however many married men you have shagged.

See, MonkeyMummy? This is the kind of rubbish your friend can look forward to processing, on top of the shock she's already had.

The thing the OW will either be an unfeeling narcissist so why try and understand them, or in a world of rewritten history, outright lies and probably poor self esteem and gullibility. They are not looking at the husband's marriage through the same lens as the wife.

I think there is a level of self worth and validation in there somewhere. There are plenty of single men who would jump at a no strings sex relationship. It's very deliberate to choose a married man. Personally I prefer my penises nice and fresh and not still warm from another woman.

Are you sure this friend isn't you?

Anyway, you are entitled to your opinion. We all make our own decisions about what we can live with at the end of the day.

It's worse than I thought. Oh god. What a messy horrid business this all is. I wish I could stop her.

And I hope that all you ow's noses drop off

The OW on here almost sound proud of what they're doing!

I can feel a loathing bubbling up inside me that I've not felt for a long time... there are no words to describe people so low as to destroy a marriage / family. I truly hope the same thing happens to them one day so they know how devastating it is.

Personally, I don't see any reason why what I'm doing would destroy the marriage. There is no intention for him to leave her. In fact, that's what is appealing for me. No chance of future commitment and all of his emotional needs taken care of elsewhere.

Personally, I don't see any reason why what I'm doing would destroy the marriage.

Really? You don't think she might not fancy sharing her husband with you? How bizarre. Him not wanting to leave her is really neither here nor there. He's not in control of all the variables, neither are you. The mere fact you are doing it would be enough to destroy a marriage, regardless of what he wants.

@Djnoun and if she suddenly discovered what you are up to, then what?

You are being totally selfish here and not considering the consequences YOUR actions will have on the family.

And no, not me. As I said, one of my best friends. And it's been heartbreaking.