Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

I suppose it's more rare to find that kind of transactional relationship with a man who is getting his emotional needs met elsewhere. I don't actively seek out men in relationships. I just find that the ones who are in them are more likely to meet my needs.

Ultimately, it may sound grotty, but I have a high sex drive and want to maintain that kind of relationship with someone. But I'm happily single. I don't want to stay in the same bed as someone overnight. I don't want to be answerable to anyone. I've got a lot of friends, so I'm not lonely. I just want an attractive older man to have dinner etc with now and then. It's really as simple as that.

I'm an OW never meant to be
I have an OH who works away, it was never meant to happen just did
I feel terrible but I love him, and I now can't imagine life without him.
Yes I'm selfish, but life isn't black and white, every affair is different and has its reasons.

Well, as long as your needs are met.

Yes, it is selfish. I appreciate that.

Djnoun "He's married and doesn't want to split up with his wife"

Yeah, my ExH didn't want to split up with me. Once I found out about the OW I didn't give him a choice.

No faithful partner deserves to be lied to on the scale that an affair demands.

I've never knowingly been an OW. I'm divorced and dating though and aware how easy it could be to be duped, misled and fall in love with a man who pretends to be single online or wherever.

I don't understand why more hatred isn't directed to the cheating husband though? Unless OW deliberately pursued and seduced someone else's 'poor innocent' husband then isn't it him who is cheating, breaking vows etc?

I would imagine lots of OW believe the script from the cheating husband.

“She doesn’t love me / I’m lonely / I haven’t had sex for years / she doesn’t care about my physical and emotional needs etc etc.”

If you believe the wife doesn’t care about him / doesn’t love him / has zero sex drive, it must make it easier not to think about her. Or at least to justify what you (plural) are doing.

One of the hardest things to accept when you have been cheated on is the unanswered questions. When I found out about OW and confronted ex he admitted it after hours of denial but couldn’t deny the photos I found on social media 🧐 he answered my questions but then I found receipts telling me different. You need to accept that you will never know the truth!
The OW FB messaged me telling me how sorry she was and she had learnt her lesson and would never do it again blah blah blah, luckily it went into my junk folder and I didn’t see it until 6 months later so didn’t reply. I am so glad I never wasted any energy on her as she was and still is irrelevant to me!

My question for the OW is , how did you feel when the man chose his wife over you ?

I've sincerely had a paradigm shift in my personal beliefs towards OW during my read of this thread. Had you asked me an hour ago what I thought I'd tell you all OW are created equal - terrible and selfish.

Now I can say I can honestly feel a little understanding for an OW who gets in between a couples marriage because they truly feel they are in love with, or have a deep emotional bond with the husband. If not understanding I at least view this a far better light than the OW who hooks up with a married man because she wants to and doesn't give the slightest fuck about the wife who may potentially, and more often than not WILL find out about the infidelity of their husband.

I support neither, have been neither, and thankfully (to my knowledge) have not been a victim of either but my blood runs a bit cold thinking about the type of person that is not only incapable of empathy for another human being, but happily boasts about it as well. I've seen in other posts on MN these type of OW bragging about the designer gifts and jewels they receive as well...

I wonder if Tiffanys made a ruby and diamond 'scarlet letter' pendant just how popular it'd be There may be an untapped market here! Overpriced designer jewelry that tells everyone in 'the know' that you're a proud homewrecker...you could take all the proceeds and donate them to a reputable charity that helps women leaving abusive relationships, kill two birds with one overpriced stone

My OM has his wife and children I expect him to prioritise them over me. Like I do with my own family we don't communicate when we are with our spouses past 6pm.

We have discussed leaving but it's easier for me than him, I would have residency for my child, he would lose that and not see his children as much, he would lose his home.
I'm in turmoil I think about this man non stop,
I've tried to stay away from him and go no contact it hasn't worked I'm in love with him and I feel terrible for it.

I am really not sure how my message to support my friend has turned into a bragging board for OW.

They need to be able to spout off about their affairs somewhere op, what with being a dirty little secret irl.
Hope your friend is OK

All human beings are inherently selfish, but most know right from wrong and have a working moral compass. You are not just selfish, you my dear are a cunt. Since you are very insistent on there not being any emotional baggage that could at least explain although not excuse your life choices.

OP I don't know how your thread got derailed so much but I guess they d jump on any available platform to validate/excuse/justify/brag about their "accomplishments" . And no a man is never blameless but how vile do you have to be to come on a thread where OP is telling about the incredible hurt her friend is in and just boast?!

@IrisApfelRocks WELL SAID!

Is it worth showing your friend this thread OP to perhaps give her a bit more info about the kind of response she's likely to receive? She might change her mind after all.

You can call me whatever you like, if it makes you feel better to do so. I understand that it's an emotive subject. But the fact of the situation is that there are a lot of affairs out there. A lot of other women. Are they all just useless degenerates or is it perhaps against human nature to form life long lasting monogamous partnerships? Philosophically, I think we put ourselves into boxes that are too restrictive with respect to marriage.

@Djnoun I think you have got off lightly Actually.

I hope all of you OW get fanny rot.

I absolutely believe in monogamy and if you don't then go and form a polyamorous relationship with likeminded people not sneak around and wreck another woman's life to satisfy your own needs. I can't believe you are still trying to justify it but I am done engaging with you.

I fail to see why if you had other options you would be attracted to much older attached men unless it was cash, presents, lifestyle and a swishy job

Attraction isn't a decision.

OWO102....do you think that your OM perhaps loves his wife more than you ?
The residency issue is an excuse .
Shared residency is very doable . Maybe he just enjoys the sex with you but loves his wife ??

monkeymummy as you see, people like those who have posted on this thread get validation from fucking other people's partners and then bragging about it.

I don't pity djnoun because if she's said anything truthful on this thread, it's that she has no problems with self esteem.

Some people, for whatever reasons, are just nasty pieces of work who either don't give a fuck who they hurt, or actively enjoy their power to hurt others.

Perhaps it makes them feel important or real. Perhaps they're just narcissistic drama queens. In any case there is nothing to be gained from asking them anything.