Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

OP did not say either implicitly or explicitly that she wanted to ask Djnoun anything. She said that her friend wanted to ask the specific woman shagging her husband. Not to ask some random OWs off the Internet, because they don't know the answer.

I'll just assume that some people get my point and give up on the rest now :)

So if said "What else can I ask for apart from my starting salary?" I'd get people telling me it would be 24,000 a year?

This is so far removed from what this actual thread is asking that it's completely pointless. (Though you may well get employers telling you what starting salaries are in their fields.) You are comparing apples and traffic wardens.

You hate OW, that is understandable. You don't want to listen to what they have to say, also understandable. You think that there is no reason why they might be posting on a thread that asks people to put hypothetical questions to them, not understandable.

Where did I say I hated "OWs"? My best friend is an OW ... they are not all one thing, you know! Read my comments before judging me.

I did, and your idea that OW have no reason to respond to a thread asking them questions is ridiculous.

The thread does not ask people to put hypothetical questions to OWs ... also read what OP said.

I have. And I can clearly see why some OWs decided to respond to the questions, and it's exactly what I expected. You cannot see why, and did not expect it, because starting salaries apparently.

OK, as I said that I can see why they would do that, about 5 minutes ago, I'll assume you're being deliberately argumentative now. Adieu.

Well, if they're doing it, and you can see why they're doing it, and you expected them to do it, I don't know why you'd say there's no reason for them to do it.

@ravenmum

I chose to reply to the thread as I couldn’t understand what the OP’s friend was going to get out of meeting the OW.

I gave a synopsis of my relationship with my DH which started as an affair and stated that from my experience nothing good could come of seeing/speaking to the OW.

To clear this up, @ravenmum has it spot on. I was asking for ideas for how to guide my friend through this tricky conversation. I did not ask for OW to come and spill their seedy excuses or share their stories because quite frankly, I couldn't give a shit. I think anyone who cheats is questionable. And I can't believe that people had the audacity to flaunt their affairs on a thread where I am clearly stating I wanted to support my friend.

But there are clearly some twisted folk out there and I am very happy that I am not on the same wavelength as them.

@Ivgotasecretcanyoukeepit

Ugh.

That is all.

You started a conversation about the questions one would ask an OW, and never once in the OP said anything about it being a support thread. You knew OW would be reading. You knew various questions along a theme would be asked. How could you possibly not have realised what was going to happen?

Why on earth would you ask/encourage questions if you 'couldn't give a shit' about the answers? Why on earth would you ask/encourage questions if you think anyone who answers them is 'flaunting' something? Why on earth would you ask/encourage questions if you don't want to 'attract' the people to whom these questions are addressed? The people with the frigging answers?

The answers are always going to be horrible. That's exactly what I said in my first post here. Don't ask the questions, because the answers are only going to upset and distress and anger you. As has quite demonstrably been the case on this thread. You say you don't give a shit what OW think, well tbh you shouldn't. If your husband has cheated, focus on HIM. (Or tell him to get to fuck, you know what I mean.)

If you want a support thread, start a support thread. But for the love of Bog, don't start a thread about the questions you'd ask an OW if you don't want OW to answer the questions!

That is just madness!

So anyway, in answer to the original OP: my advice would be to tell your friend not to have any contact with the OW and not to ask her anything. Because she's not going to like the answers, and they're only going to upset her still further.

You can show her this thread to illustrate your point. You could also tell her that you personally do not give a shit what OW think and that their responses to questions about their actions are 'flaunting their affairs' and 'spilling seedy secrets'.

You didn't need this thread to know that you felt that way.

Mrsmarigold, You existed happily alongside his wife? And she had no say in that did she? You knowingly shared a sexual partner- did she? As for having sex in their bed? Well I would imagine you know what most people think of you for that.

If you want a support thread, start a support thread. But for the love of Bog, don't start a thread about the questions you'd ask an OW if you don't want OW to answer the questions!*
That is just madness!

Which all goes to show how self important, entitled and selfish OW really are...

OP was asking for questions, not answers

FFS bold fail

Which all goes to show how self important, entitled and selfish OW really are...

Fair enough, but is anyone really astonished that they joined in? There was nothing in the OP about this being a support thread

OP was asking for questions, not answers

I don't know how the feck you ask for one without the answer!

Well, if they're doing it, and you can see why they're doing it, and you expected them to do it, I don't know why you'd say there's no reason for them to do it.
I can see why they would misunderstand the intention of the thread. I can see why they would feel a need to defend their actions on a thread like this. I can also see what the OP was actually asking about, and pointed it out so as to help clear up the misunderstanding. I think you' may be reading something else into my comments that's not there.

They haven't misunderstood anything, ffs. It's a conversation specifically about what OW think, and with no mention in the OP of being a support thread.

If the subject of the questions had been anything else - marine biologists, bus drivers, Donald Trump's press officers - nobody would have minded the questions being answered in the slightest. In fact they'd probably have been frustrated if nobody had come on to offer some insight.

Posters have misunderstood what the results of asking OW about their affairs would be. Which is what I keep saying. The answers are always going to be horrible. If you've been devastated by infidelity, it's not going to help you to read OWs telling you why they did it. OW, on the other hand, might think that if you've got a load of questions for them, you might have a reason for asking.

I'm not defending affairs or OW, but ffs, if you ask someone about their experience, expect a response!

I’m a guarantor for an ex partners tenancy, my ex partner has been both physically and verbally abusive to me... his tenancy is fixed for the first 6 mths April to September..then the tenancy is up for renewal.... I have given the letting agent 2 mths written notice stating that I cannot be his guarantor after the fixed term due to mitigating circumstances. The agent has said I will automatically be guarantor after renewal. There is nothing in the tenancy agreement or the guarantor sheet I signed. Where do I stand regarding this matter?

We do not I’ve together and been advised by police/social services to have zero contact with him. I feel forced to be his guarantor when I want nothing to do with him😓

Ayn, the OP herself has said what her thread is about, so you can disagree with her if you want to, but there's no need to go swearing at me. I don't know what your problem is.

Spelling correction... we do not live together

Breezeswirl, I think you want to start your own thread - maybe under Legal matters, then click on "Start a new thread in this topic".

Unfortunately, she didn't say it in her OP - she said it after the thread failed to go the way she wanted, despite it being plain from the start.

OPs are also not the 'owners' of threads even if they start them. These things are interactive. If you start a conversation on here, be prepared to hear things you don't like. (This is actually why I very rarely start threads.)

I don't think 'ffs' in a sentence counts as swearing 'at' anyone but if you disagree, by all means report the post.