Questions for other woman

[TheMonkeyMummy]

Asking for a friend, but if you have one chance to ask (non aggressive, no one wants a shouting match) questions, what would you ask?

I can't think beyond was it worth it, what did you think the outcome would be and did you ever think about your families.

Just to throw it in there , there’s a lot of research that suggests how monogamous you are or aren’t depends a lot on your genetics & personality type . Something which is hard coded into a person if you will. So to OW on this thread who are now with the Husbands they had an affair with , I think it’s highly likely that the same will happen to you , maybe not now but probably in 5-10 years time when the novelty has worn off a bit. I guess your response will be “we are so happy I know he will never cheat” well that is exactly what the original wife thought 🤭.

For example , my new neighbour , he left his wife to now move in with OW yet he messages a distant friend of mine (who has had strings of affairs with attached men, this being the main reason I cut contact with her) confessing that she will be the last thought he has on his death bed and he loves her. These people are thrill seekers , that never really changes . 🤷🏻‍♀️

@FuckItPassMeTheWine

Yes, I totally agree with that. I would have thought it very likely a cheat will cheat again.

The chances of a cheat not cheating again are slim. I think it is a pretty good indicator that monogamy isn’t their bag. I wonder how hard it must be to be the ow who becomes the wife. What is the saying? “When a man marries his mistress he leaves a vacancy.”

The chances of a cheat not cheating again are slim. I think it is a pretty good indicator that monogamy isn’t their bag.

I'm not sure I agree with that necessarily. I think it depends on the circumstances.
I have cheated a lot when I was young, in a short term relationships and a bit of a dick (never sex, just drunken snogging) and once at the start of a longish term (3 year) relationship where we lived together (cheated before that happened). I've been with my husband 13 years and have never cheated and can't imagine I ever will.
It very much depends on the person I think. Are they a serial cheater for whom the goal is sex, no matter who with, or are they cheating because they want that one specific person? I think there's a big difference.

@FuckItPassMeTheWine that's really interesting. I have never thought of that. (There are no instances of affairs or even divorce in my family or DH's, and bar one or two friends, I have not come across this). I would love to read a little more about this, I find the concept rather fascinating. Thanks

@AnastasiaVonBeaverhausen there’s a bit of a difference from cheating in short term relationships or at the very start of a long relationship. It’s still not great behaviour but what I’m specifically referring to is cheating within a committed long term relationship. It’s quite an indicator of how a person is in general and how they cope with “long term” if that makes sense.

@TheMonkeyMummy yes it’s really fascinating , I carried out quite a lot of reading about it on the web. I’m loyal to a fault and would never cheat but some of my friends have and do, they have history for it, they have very different values to myself, it made me question why am I like this and others aren’t. I found a lot of answers tbh, I totally recommend having a look yourself x

Thanks @anyfucker, shall do!

I never meant to be an OW. Met my ex at 20 and cheated before we got serious, got married and had a horrible marriage, got talked into cheating and I liked it. Been with my fella for nine years when my last affair walked back into my life and here we are again. I know I'm weak, stupid too, I think this is how my life is just going to pan out.

I think this is how my life is just going to pan out.

Well sure, if you let it.

I don't buy into the MN idea that everyone who has an affair is sheer irredeemable liquid evil. But something that does annoy me is that so, so many people who have them have this approach to them; as if they're something that just happened to them, and not a result of sustained and repeated choices. It's all 'sucked in', 'fell in', 'how it panned out' etc.

That's not how it works and if you're not happy with your life you can make other choices.

What a gem you are!

How lovely! All these OW talk like it’s nothing what they are doing!
Let me tell you this.. when you jump to the bed with him don’t forget he was before with his wife.
I have been cheated on and you are completely selfish *unt who doesn’t care about anyone but yourself... my life was destroyed in a second when I found the messages.. my whole body was shaking, i felt as my chest has a massive whole in it and its getting bigger and bigger! The pain was unbearable.. I didn’t want to feel any of it.. i begged god to take the pain away as I couldn’t take it anymore.. i cried on the floor of our bathroom.. I couldn’t get up i cried and cried for hours until i pass out.. you willingly destroying other people life.. you can lie to yourself as much as you want that you don’t hurt anyone, matter of fact you do..so just tell to yourself you’ve done nothing wrong and live your life happily until you can because karma will get everyone sooner or later 🙂 i see it with my ex already happening.. and my OW she know what she was doing too.. she knew i was there and still didn’t care.. i will find her as my ex is hiding her nicely, but i will find her one day and the humiliation she will feel from me will be my justice 🙃🙃🙃