DP and money. Can't cope anymore. IHBU?

[JojoBelles]

19 weeks pregnant, looking for baby things. Suggested I bought a sling for the baby. He said he's not going to use it so I have to buy it myself. This is a constant and he's so selfish with money. It's £15 ffs. I told him it's not for me, it's for the baby. He can and should use it. Is anyone else dealing with a DP like this? He has a dd already who he spends a fortune on but I ask if we can buy one thing for £15 out of our joint account and he says no. I have to get it myself. I feel like walking out. I'm so far down the bottom of his list of priorities and feels like our baby is too.

Evening everyone. We're just popping on to the thread to remind folk to please stick to our talk guidelines. We've already removed some posts which were reported to us and which were breaking talk guidelines.

Mumsnet's primary aim is to help make parents' lives easier - please do bear that in mind when posting won't you?

We're going to move the thread to Relationships now. Best of luck, OP.

Thanks all.

@LouMumsnet thank you for moving the thread. It's making me extremely anxious and I would greatly appreciate if it could be removed? If not, I understand. Thanks again.

Try and ignore the nasty comments Jojo, there's some keyboard warriors on this thread. Just sit down with him over dinner and have a talk about it. Please don't feel that you have to leave mumsnet, it's good that you're reaching out

Thanks strigi, I really just want this thread deleted

JoJo, I'm so sorry you've been treated badly by a number of posters. Relationships is a much safer board to get genuinely helpful advice. I've been astonished at how kind some people are.
It might help if you imagine yourself with a big black marker. Pretend you have obliterated the nasty comments, and respond only to the kind ones. I don't mean to ignore the advice when it's tough, but blank the posters who are totally incapable of empathy.

Jojo the best way to handle a thread where you are looking for advice is to only reply to the constructive comments and build on them. You've had some great advice and if you ignore the silly few they go away pretty quickly. DM like scandals and is unlikely to be interested in your story, its very common for women to be financially abused when they become parents and it isn't a clickbait story.

I'm so sorry you are going thru this at what should be a happy time and you are having to enduring the famed 'nest of vipers' - just keep your head held high and speak to your partner.

If you're having a baby together you should have discussed money before getting pregnant. All costs should be split equally but TBH I don't understand why you're not just sharing finances

Hi lovely. Lots of us only see our partners' true colours when we become dependant on them, usually because of having children.

I haven't read the full thread but sit him down with a spreadsheet of costs and how it's going to be whilst you're on maternity. It's not fair that you take the financial hit. Warn him that if he does end up being financially abusive you would have no choice but to leave him and he'd have to support another child and manage two children who he doesn't live with.

You won't regret your baby regardless so just enjoy your pregnancy, tell him like it is and if he isn't fair then think about leaving him when you're ready but don't worry about it for now

Jo I understand you may not be ready for everything you've been told. I understand why you may want this deleted.

But can I suggest that before you request deletion that you copy/paste the posts and just put it somewhere in as a document on your computer. You may very well want to refer to it at a later date.

Jojo
You posted on here feeling emotional and vulnerable and are leaving feeling worse. Seriously some of you people should be ashamed of yourselves. Hopefully you will have every single aspect of your life planned to perfection....

Seeing the way your partner treats his existing child gave you some confidence that you would be ok, I would presume.

Unfortunately, it looks like it will apply to child only when he/she is born.... Maybe.

Look after yourself. You can do this. None of us (who are) really envisaged being single parents but you can do it and do it very very well and judging by what you have said about your partner, it will be easier doing it on your own anyway.

Hope you're ok OP, I'm sorry some people have been unkind. Sounds like you have a lot on your plate.

Congrats on baby, I wish you the best of luck xx

stylishmumny instead of being so sanctimonious, try reading the OP’s posts.

I realise now with hindsight that my ex created a row when important purchases were to be made so that buying baby stuff wasn't an enjoyable occasion as I imagined. Same with house decorating /renovation. End result was that I paid for stuff, he sat back and enjoyed it. Will watch with mild interest how long his new relationship lasts. OP I think there are deeper issues than a sling. Try to have a conversation about finances and expectations