DP and money. Can't cope anymore. IHBU?

[JojoBelles]

19 weeks pregnant, looking for baby things. Suggested I bought a sling for the baby. He said he's not going to use it so I have to buy it myself. This is a constant and he's so selfish with money. It's £15 ffs. I told him it's not for me, it's for the baby. He can and should use it. Is anyone else dealing with a DP like this? He has a dd already who he spends a fortune on but I ask if we can buy one thing for £15 out of our joint account and he says no. I have to get it myself. I feel like walking out. I'm so far down the bottom of his list of priorities and feels like our baby is too.

Why do you need his permission to spend money from the joint account? It’s joint because it’s family money.

No, I don't have to deal with a 'D'P like this because I dumped skinflints at the dating stage, they never progressed to partners. When I was single and childfree, I refused to date men who had kids. It solved a lot of problems.

You can never rely on this person financially at all, so don't plan on jacking in FT work, especially as you aren't married.

He sounds like quite the catch . . . said no one ever.

I couldn't stay with someone like this. If I were you, I'd walk.

So he’s just a housemate. Did you just want a sperm donor?

It sounds like there’s more to this OP. It’s not just about the sling, is it?

Obviously HIBU.

And why won't he use the sling? Speaks volumes about his intentions

If your earnings are fully funding your maternity leave so that you make an equal contribution to bills, I hope you intend to invoice him for provision of child care.

@ZibbidooZibbidooZibbidoo yes of course I just wanted a sperm donor. What a stupid thing to say.

At least if you split up he would have to contribute financially. Plus you wouldn't be stuck with a selfish arse.

'I don't think he's even going to help with my maternity leave.'

You can bet on that. He sees this child as entirely your financial responsibility.

I bought my own maternity clothes. Why should DP? I don't buy his clothes.

Breast pads and other basics just get added to weekly shop. Big stuff gets split.

yes of course I just wanted a sperm donor. What a stupid thing to say.

It’s pretty much what your situation is.

We have separate money. My breast pump was purchased while I was in hospital. I can't remember is it was by my parents or husband. It wouldn't have crossed anybody's mind to ask me for the money - they wanted to do whatever they could to support the baby! HIBU.
You need to have a chat about maternity leave money, as it seems he may have different ideas about that than you do.

JojoBelles Has the relationship always been like this or has their been a shift in his attitude?

Well what else does he bring to the relationship other than as a sperm donor?

Maybe this is why he isnt with his dds mum?

I think he is showing you his true colours.

@PoppyFleur to be honest I've never had to worry about it as I've always had enough money. Currently I don't as I'm saving for my maternity leave. It's the first time I've been slightly dependant on him to help me out with stuff. He's always been quite tight but does spend huge amounts on his dd.

Have you discussed how maternity leave will be financed?

why would you choose to have a baby with a man like this? Surely if you felt low down on his priorities you should have had these conversations before a pregnancy?

He sounds hideous. Of course purchases for the baby should be joint - it wasn't an immaculate conception!

But I suspect this is just the tip of the iceberg (as these problems always are) and you're just finding out why he's no longer with the mother of his child.

I agree with pp that he views this child as entirely your financial responsibility. Did you not know what a miser he was before you got pg?

He's really horrible. Anyone who would begrudge their pregnant partner money for a breast pump needs to be dumped fast.

@Nicknacky he won't talk about it, I'm just saving as much as I can. He says we will deal with it when it comes to it. I just feel really lost and didn't imagine him to be like this at all. I've always had enough money and this is the first time I've had to rely on him. It's just not what I thought it would be.

'It's the first time I've been slightly dependant on him to help me out with stuff. He's always been quite tight but does spend huge amounts on his dd.'

This is who he is, quite tight. He will never 'help you out', so the only way to get him to pay fairly for the support of his own child is to split with him and take him to the CMS so he can pay the required amount for his child. He'll do nowt otherwise. He doesn't see you as a partner, but a flatmate.

:S im so confused... This doesnt sound like a relationship to me.

It sounds like hes your Ex ..