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Original poster

Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

1000 replies

CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 09:19

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

OP posts:
A4710Rider · 24/05/2018 10:15

He is probably chatting up women on internet chat sites

Ha ha.

Emmasmum2013 · 24/05/2018 10:16

You've got a few options

  1. Ignore and carry on regardless
  2. Ask him about it, but he's already lied.
  3. Get on the laptop and change the settings for the clean up program so it doesn't erase browser history/temp files. Leave it for a few days and see what you find.

I agree with a PP though, I work in IT too and clean up programs don't get everything. There's very often some temp files left behind by programs or stored files somewhere that the program isn't set to delete. Browser history isn't the be all and end all of activity when you're looking at dodgy things or doing things you shouldn't be.

I'd trust my gut OP. He's blown it.

ILostItInTheEarlyNineties · 24/05/2018 10:16

The only believable explanation is that he'd created a magnificent comedy beard out of foam and had to capture it before it fell off.

The fact that he has no explanation but is being all prickly and defensive is a Big Clue. Sad

LagunaBubbles · 24/05/2018 10:16

Can you just ask him about it? Ok he was defensive but you really need to speak to him about it.

AnyFucker · 24/05/2018 10:18

If there was any repeat of his previous form for dodginess then he would be out

So why are you hesitating ? Don't make promises you can't keep. It allows people to take the piss out of you even more than they already have.

Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 10:20

I know
But I’m only hesitant because if and I say if there is an explanation I don’t want to throw a 20 year marriage down the toilet. I feel like a need proof. I’m so conflicted right now.

OP posts:
Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 10:22

EMMA his laptop is for work and I don’t have the password to access it anyway. I used to when he had a personal laptop he used for work also.

OP posts:
DailyMailClickbait · 24/05/2018 10:22

Trust your gut. IME it's rarely wrong; when your spidey senses start tingling it's usually for a good reason.

You don't need proof. You don't need evidence. If the trust is gone then that's it. As AF says, you made it clear what your position was last time.

AnyFucker · 24/05/2018 10:22

Has he actually even tried to give you an "explanation" though ?

Shoxfordian · 24/05/2018 10:25

What sort of explanation? Accidentally took a photo of himself in the bath and accidentally sent it to a woman? It's really not good enough and you know that.

HollowTalk · 24/05/2018 10:25

There isn't an explanation for having a nude photo of yourself, OP. You know that. You're not the one destroying a long marriage; he's doing that.

Bluesmartiesarebest · 24/05/2018 10:26

Unless he can prove that he isn’t up to anything dodgy (which he can’t) you know that you can’t trust him. There’s a good reason why his computer needs constant cleaning and his phone is password protected. A man who genuinely wanted to be faithful wouldn’t be behaving this way.

Don’t bother confronting him because you know he’s an experienced liar. Go and get legal advice and an sti check. Do you have children?

3333hh44 · 24/05/2018 10:26

Ask him to allow you assess to his phone and computer now and in the future. All passwords completely open. If he can't understand why you want this after seeing what you saw then game immediately over.
Then just be super vigilant. Or trust those spidey senses.

lizzie1970a · 24/05/2018 10:31

Well get the explanation before he has more time to come up with something. Sounds dodgy to me.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/05/2018 10:31

But I’m only hesitant because if and I say if there is an explanation I don’t want to throw a 20 year marriage down the toilet. I feel like a need proof.

You've got your proof. And you know it.

If there were an explanation, he would have given it.

If there is an explanation (and I can't actually think of one, not a single believable one). and in response to you asking for that explanation, this man with previous form thought it acceptable to brush you off with a snappy 'Nothing wrong with it!' - then to be honest even if he wasn't cheating that would be it for me.

How much disdain would your own H have to have for you, to basically tell you to suck up and shut up about dodgy-looking behaviour when he has a history? Tells you ALL you need to know.

But that's by the by. There isn't an explanation apart from the one bloody painfully obvious one, and that's why he snapped at you - he's furious with himself for slipping up and knows the only way to act is shutdown mode, because there is NO explanation that works, and hope that you don't have the guts to carry out your ultimatum.

We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

So he is out, yes?

DailyMailClickbait · 24/05/2018 10:33

What explanation did he give for taking a naked photo of himself in the bath? And the fact that he sent it to you in error - meaning that he'd clearly been in the act of trying to send it to someone...

A4710Rider · 24/05/2018 10:34

I've taken random selfies in the bath before. It's not exactly "sexy" for a bloke to do it.

shakingmyhead1 · 24/05/2018 10:35

as soon as he comes in ask for his phone and tell him to unlock it... if hes prepared to do so then i would hand it back without looking but if he throws a tantrum i would smile and most likely throw it at the wall and suggest he packs his bags

HouseworkIsASin10 · 24/05/2018 10:35

I've taken random selfies in the bath before.

Why?

A4710Rider · 24/05/2018 10:35

meaning that he'd clearly been in the act of trying to send it to someone

I'm not trying to defend the bloke but it doesn't work like that with photos, certainly not on my iphone, it's easy to tag on extra photos if you've got fat fingers.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/05/2018 10:36

I totally understand the need for 'proof'
So many of us do.
I needed it too.
And found it in spades.
With my ExH and my ExP
But yours is very good at covering his tracks.
Even daily cleanse of his laptop.
NOT NORMAL at all.
20 years is a long time.
Do you have DC? What are their ages?

SoFake · 24/05/2018 10:36

I use my phone in the bath
I ‘clean’ my laptop all the time
I have a lock on my phone
👀👀👀👀

Oh dear.... according to this thread I must be cheating too, I guess I better let my husband know. He is going to be really shocke. To be fair I’m pretty shocked too...

(I admit I don’t take photos of myself in the bath though 🤔)

A4710Rider · 24/05/2018 10:37

Why

Why does anyone take selfies?

Mummyoflittledragon · 24/05/2018 10:37

The problem is you’re never going to get proof if everything is wiped and locked down. How come you didn’t insist on openness the last time?

HouseworkIsASin10 · 24/05/2018 10:38

A4710Rider I get what you mean if it was an accident, but more likely to get a pic of the ceiling or the loo?

How accidental would it be to get a a spot on pic of him sitting in the bath.

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