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Original poster

Dh sent me a photo by mistake.

1000 replies

CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 09:19

It’s really rattled me.

He sent a bunch of photos that all made sense in relation to a big purchase we’re considering- this other photo was completely random.

I sent a text back saying- I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me.

When he came back from work he was very defensive and said there was nothing inappropriate/sexual about the photo and that I was being unreasonable.

I have a very strange gut instinct that I cannot shake off. We almost split up 5 years ago when he was trying to persue someone on social media/sexting. We got over that and decided our marriage was worth saving on the proviso he did it again he was out-instantly.

Something’s not right.

Where do I go from here experts?

OP posts:
CuriousaboutSamphire · 24/05/2018 09:49

Who'd even take a picture of themselves in the bath?

I can only think of one reason for having done so... and if you don't send each other those kind of pictures then who was he taking it for?

That really is the only thing you're left with, isn't it? That makes your gut feeling the only feeling you could possibly have!

He is a shit!

FuckPants · 24/05/2018 09:50

Who in earth has a cleaning software on home computer?

I do, it automatically clears browser cache, deletes cookies and empties the recycle bin, I'm not doing anything dodgy - far from it but I'm really anal about deleting data that is not needed/that enables Facebook etc to track my browsing habits.

AromaticSpices · 24/05/2018 09:50

If you are sending photos with an iphone, you get the little mini pane at the bottom with recent photos from which to select. It's actually quite easy to take a photo and send it to someone amid some other photos. I have done this before - I sent a photo of my desk to someone by accident, after sending a few other photos. HOWEVER. My response was 'oh whoops I somehow sent a pic of my desk, sorry! fat finger syndrome' - not freaking out because it wasn't a sexual photo and was innocent. I mean granted it was a desk photo, but your H is being very suspicious in his reaction. Although, to give him the benefit of the doubt, he could be worrying regarding his previous indiscretion and your (justified) warning that if he does it again, he's out. Problem is now, you can't even hunt for evidence. Also the fact he wipes his computer after every browsing session is MEGA suspicious.

I would be on guard, OP.

Original poster
CoatsProtectionLeague · 24/05/2018 09:50

Jellybeans- yes you’ve hit a nerve there- an explanation of exactly what that was and how it may have been sent to me in error. I got a very quick “there’s nothing wrong with that photo”

OP posts:
purplelass · 24/05/2018 09:50

I'd simply ask him why he had been taking pictures of himself in the bath in the first place?

It's an easy question and doesn't imply any mistrust but if he is up to anything dodgy his answer might give you a clue.

Mammatron · 24/05/2018 09:51

I'd ask to see his phone bill so you can see who he's called, won't show you if he's sent pictures or messages via apps or I message though. If he says you can't then that's your answer!

FuckPants · 24/05/2018 09:51

Sorry, I meant to say that in the OP's husbands case, something is almost certainly going on.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/05/2018 09:52

Who'd even take a picture of themselves in the bath?
You'd be surprised.
I found a video of my ExP wanking in the bath on his tablet.
That's how I found out he was cheating!

You know what's going on OP.
So what are your next steps?

MiddleMoffat · 24/05/2018 09:53

Well, no, I don't @Coatsprotectioleague but a pic of me in the bath with a cup of tea and lots bubble bath and a book is different to one where you can see me naked, that is the point.

peterpanwendy · 24/05/2018 09:54

I'd just ask him outright... why did you take the picture and who was it meant for? And why so defensive?

Storm4star · 24/05/2018 09:54

The fact is, if it is innocent, as some pp have suggested. Then he should be able to sit down and give you an explanation without becoming defensive or angry. Him telling you that you are being unreasonable isn’t a good explanation. If it was just a selfie for his own amusement why not just say that?

If it were me, I would tell him that it needs to be discussed properly and see what his reaction is. That will tell you a lot.

Nousernameforme · 24/05/2018 09:55

My question would have to be, why are you taking photos of yourself in the bath?

Was it a huge bubbly bath and he was making you jealous for being at work (reaching here)
Was it everything on show so a porny pic to send to someone or is he so narcissistic he wanks over himself?
Was it just his legs and a cup of tea with the teabag label dangling just so in frame? For a wanky lifestyle blog he doesn't want to laugh at him about

lottiegarbanzo · 24/05/2018 09:55

Well it's an odd photo to take. Why have his phone in the bath with him? It being a 'safe place' where he'd be undisturbed while texting someone could be a reason?

Then it's an odd reaction, to jump straight to a defensive 'it's not sexual...'

But, I’m quite sure you didn’t mean to send this photo to me. is an accusatory question. if you'd meant the emphasis ot be on this photo you'd have said 'I'm quite sure you didn't mean to send me this photo! Whereas, what you said is .....to me^

You accused him of meaning to send it to someone else. He responded defensively - as, given the history, he knew exactly what you meant.

So, the jury's out, awaiting further evidence.

PetulantPolecat · 24/05/2018 09:56

“there’s nothing wrong with that photo”

That is a weird response and I’m trying to think of why I would say that if I wasn’t admitting I meant to send a photo of myself in a bathtub to someone else.

“Whoops, wrong photo” would be norm. Followed by an explanation of why I had a picture like that. Which could have been as silly as... oh I was just goofing around, there was a pic on Kardashian’s instagram and I was just taking the piss trying to take one of me and I was going to make a meme of it... blah blah blah.

He’s not very good at lying is he?

SailingOn · 24/05/2018 09:59

I think I would be focusing on getting on his phone so that I had 'evidence'. Can you sneakily watch him when he puts his pin in, even if you only remember one number at a time, write it down and eventually you'll have access. Until then you only have your gut and his word to go by.

PaulHollywoodsSexGut · 24/05/2018 09:59

Laptop with cleaning software after every session

OP that is shady as fuck

I work in IT and I can assure you that that’s quite an undertaking to get software to comprehensively “clean up” the laptop after every session - I can also assure you that he is 1000% “up to something” - in short normal people just don’t have the thought in their head to instal that software in the first place (even if they love looking at a dirty website).

SHADY AS FUCK.

Pannacott · 24/05/2018 10:02

Sounds like he's definitely cheating. If you really want 'proof' (not that you need it), people seem to recommend hiring a private detective in these situations. Likely to cost a couple of hundred pounds?

Zarya · 24/05/2018 10:02

I had an ex colleague who took a photo of herself eating a burger in the bath to put on instagram. It was some kind of running joke thing.

However his reaction is more of the issue here, very defensive. Either he is feeling guilty or pre emptively assuming you would take it the wrong way. Though i struggle too see how the right way would be.

I would make a joke of it and see how he reacts. Like you just assumed he was trying to hint you needed a new bathroom as well as new kitchen. Or ask him straight out why did you take it?

senioritabonita · 24/05/2018 10:02

I’m so sorry op. I think your gut instinct is right - it’s all too weird. I’d demand access to his phone and if he won’t give it I’d be asking him to leave, it doesn’t add up.

3333hh44 · 24/05/2018 10:02

Yes him being willing to show you his phone bill may help. What's ap messages wouldn't show on it though, would it?

FuckPants · 24/05/2018 10:03

I work in IT and I can assure you that that’s quite an undertaking to get software to comprehensively “clean up” the laptop after every session - I can also assure you that he is 1000% “up to something” - in short normal people just don’t have the thought in their head to instal that software in the first place (even if they love looking at a dirty website).

Not really, software such as CCleaner etc can be configured in seconds to automatically erase browsing history when the browser is closed etc. I think you're projecting a tad.

ThirdTimeUnlucky · 24/05/2018 10:05

Fool me once, shame on you, fool me twice, shame on me.
Who takes a bath pic unless it's to send to a new admirer?
You don't need any other explanation as it'll be rehearsed and he'll be more careful.
You're probably thinking it's silly to end a relationship over a pic but given the history and his tight security over phones and laptop, it isn't.
Sorry you are going through this. Flowers.

FizzyGreenWater · 24/05/2018 10:09

Oh come on.

Form.

Phone locked, laptop cleaned after every session.

No access for you despite previous form (that alone would be a 'get out then' from me...)

And now random pic of him in bath. RIGHT OK THEN.

You can see how he's made the error - he got sloppy, he'd just been sending kitchen pics to you (out of the ordinary routine one presumes) and so when sending his latest selfie to... 'whoever' he did the usual routine of clicking and sending to the last person he sent a photo to, which isn't usually you by the looks of it.

I'll be absolutely blunt, you've got a man with form who is sure enough of you knowing your place to be currently getting away with cleaning his laptop after every session and you not making a murmur about it. The ONLY way you are going to get any answers at all is if you quite literally pack his stuff right now, lock the doors, tell him to collect it and arrange a time to talk. Nuclear option. Sounds like he will talk his way out of anything else.

But - as he's clearly still cheating away/sexting etc, maybe you'd rather not even bother with the talk. I wouldn't.

hellsbellsmelons · 24/05/2018 10:10

I'd just ask him outright... why did you take the picture and who was it meant for? And why so defensive?
Absolutely no point at all doing this.
If only it was that simple.
What's he gonna say.
It was mean for OW and I've been fucking her for a couple of months now!?
NOPE - he will deny and then lie and lie and lie and lie.

charliebear78 · 24/05/2018 10:14

Does he have Instagram? Are you followers of each other on there?
Maybe he was taking an "arty"( or naff) photo for admirers on there and was embarrassed you found it!
Maybe he was just messing about and again was embarrassed you saw the photo?
Given your history he became defensive as you became paranoid?
Or he took the pic with the intention of sending to someone else!
Only you know your partner and which rings the most true.

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