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Original poster

Should I let him back?

262 replies

SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 07:44

Morning 👋🏼

DP and I have been on a break for near enough three months now, yesterday he sent me a text saying that he wants to come back home.

The reasons for the break were :

  • He doesn’t help out with the children (I have three children under the age of 10)
  • Not interested in doing things as a family
  • He is unsupportive
  • I don’t agree with that he does

Shall I let him back? I have been doing well by myself.

Thanks and please go easy on me

OP posts:
ohamIreally · 17/05/2018 07:46

Ask him if he knows why you split up and how he intends to avoid getting to that place again.

Quartz2208 · 17/05/2018 07:47

its Ok to say no you are doing well and they are valid d reasons

Has he shown any hints of taking on board what you said and making changes or has he simply realised it’s much harder and wants to com3 back to his life

Personally it would be a no as it sounds it would just go back

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2018 07:52

His mother or the other woman has finally got fed up with him so he turns to you and by text as well. I'd be telling him to jog on.

You are doing just fine without him, why would you let him back and after 3 months?. He has not changed in that short period of time and would most likely revert to type once he got his feet under the table. Therefore you would have another round of trying to remove him again, why do that to yourself?.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 07:55

Sorry typo

- I don’t agree with what* he does

Thanks I didn’t think I would get replies so quickly. Do you think I should let him come round so we can speak?

OP posts:
Aussiebean · 17/05/2018 07:57

Has he stepped up and spent tine with the children and organised family time? Off his own bat?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2018 07:58

No, I would not grant him an audience.

He could well bamboozle you with all sorts of flowery crap that mean nothing. Look at his actions to date re you and the children, not just words that pour out of his mouth.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 07:58

Aussiebean since the split he spends time more time with the children, but it seems as if he is not interested.

Be back soon, I need to take the children to school.

OP posts:
TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 07:59

What is it that he does that you don't agree with? .

Butterymuffin · 17/05/2018 07:59

Has he said anything about how it will be different?

Is he the kids' dad?

AttilaTheMeerkat · 17/05/2018 07:59

I presume these are his children. If this is the case has he seen them since and continue to be financially responsible for them?.

hellsbellsmelons · 17/05/2018 09:22

Well if he is still not interested then you have your answer.
What is his plan for when he comes back?
What will he do differently?
Will he sit down with you and discuss an equal split of the chores and childcare?
Will he compromise on the things that you don't like?
Will he give you as much free time as he has?
Unless he has seen the 'error of his ways' and is now proving that he has changed, then NO, I wouldn't take him back.
He would need to prove himself before he came back home.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 09:28

I am not going to drip feed because I want help

TheBogWitchIsBack - He is into hacking and fraud, he has a job which he uses as a cover up, he has violated me in the pass by hacking into my Instagram (he said it wasn’t him but I know it was)

Butterymuffin - He has said things will be different, but I can’t see him changing long term. We have been together for 11 years, our eldest child is 10.

AttilaTheMeerkat - Yes he has.

OP posts:
hellsbellsmelons · 17/05/2018 09:49

Well with that update - hell no - do not take him back.
WTF is wrong with people like him?
Does he think it's big and clever?
Just NO!

TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 09:52

In that case no. Don't take him back you're doing fine without him.

Joysmum · 17/05/2018 09:52

I don’t understand why you are even considering it given what you’ve written Confused

You and your kids would be better off without the likes of him.

Shoxfordian · 17/05/2018 09:52

Nope nope nope

TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 09:54

Men who happily violate your privacy in such a flippant manner have no regard or respect for you. Taking him back is essentially giving him permissions to continue doing it and he will do it again and again.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 09:57

hellsbellsmelons - I don’t know, I don’t like it! I was considering it because the children keep asking when will he be coming back to live with us.

Do you think I should text him back saying “I think we should split for good” or do you think I should call/invite him over and tell him? I wish I wasn’t still sleeping with him because it would be so much easier to tell him.

OP posts:
Emmageddon · 17/05/2018 10:01

If you're still sleeping with him then you haven't really separated. No wonder he thinks he can just saunter back home when it suits him.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 10:04

Emmageddon - Agreed 😫

OP posts:
Joysmum · 17/05/2018 10:06

Don’t use the term ‘I think’ as it’s too wishy washy. You need to come across as decisive and strong. If you can’t do that in person then do it by text.

Listen to the lyrics of Dua Lipa’s song, New Rules. You’d do well to live by them too Wink

TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 10:07

Eh yea ..stopping sleeping with him would be a start.

Skiingkangaroo1 · 17/05/2018 10:07

No don't get back with him. Increase the separation by stopping sleeping with him.

SandyY2K · 17/05/2018 10:08

Why do you want a fraudster back?
He's not going to stop that, so I don't see the point in discussing anything with him.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 10:15

I have called him, I’ve told him to come here once he finishes work, he has asked me if I’m cooking when he knows I cook everyday. I shouldn’t have told him to come because he is probably going to want to stay over.

I can’t believe I have got myself in this predicament, I’m so ashamed of myself.

OP posts:
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