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Original poster

Should I let him back?

262 replies

SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 07:44

Morning 👋🏼

DP and I have been on a break for near enough three months now, yesterday he sent me a text saying that he wants to come back home.

The reasons for the break were :

  • He doesn’t help out with the children (I have three children under the age of 10)
  • Not interested in doing things as a family
  • He is unsupportive
  • I don’t agree with that he does

Shall I let him back? I have been doing well by myself.

Thanks and please go easy on me

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 16:55

Joysmum - I wish it was that simple, he has so many clothes, I was thinking that I could drop some of to his mothers house, but it would take a least 15 trips and I don’t really want to explain to her why we aren’t together!

If it was down to me he wouldn’t get any of his things back, I can take being called a bxtch but who the fxck does he think he is to call me that when he is the CHEAT!

I am really having a bad day today, all three of my children have played up today, I was late dropping them off because my 4 year old would not get in the car and the other two did nothing to encourage him to get in.

My 10 year old cried all the way back from school because he didn’t want to come back home, but wouldn’t tell me where he would like to go instead, now we are home he has said he just wants to be alone.

I will not give in and let him back home!

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 16:56

**to call me a slag

OP posts:
Joysmum · 21/05/2018 19:23

Once again, it really is that simple. You do what you can as you can, you don’t have to do all at once. If he has special requests of what he’d like sooner then he can ask through an intermediary otherwise you just pack up andvoffload what you think he’ll want first, and those things you most want to get rid of.

Tbh, if you’ve got money to pay off his debts then you’ve got money to get a man and van for an afternoon to transport the boxed stuff so no 15 carloads required.

Joysmum · 21/05/2018 19:26

The sooner you get a ‘how can I do this’ rather than an ‘I can’t do this because’ the better.

There’s usually a way round most things, even if it’s not perfect.

Joysmum · 21/05/2018 19:32

Sorry, just had to dive off for a sec

Point is you’re obviously a strong, capable baddass so channel it. You can do this, you can find a way even if it’s not how you’d like things to go. Wink

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 20:14

Joysmum - I never ever thought of that, that is what I will be doing!

I am furious that he had the audacity to call me a slag! that really hurt me.

He is just a fuxking thieving scumbag, I can’t remember the last time he bought something with his own money, I don’t think he can remember either! I don’t care I will be tell my 10 year old that his dad is a fraudster I’m done protecting him. I took him back when he cheated on me and allowed him to eat and live in my house for free, and the whole world think he is fuxking good to me, I do not want to see him again and if he wants to see the children we will have to go through the courts.

I have been doing so well, and now I am at rock bottom again.

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 22:44

BUMP

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 22:45

Do you think it’s a bit harsh making him go through the courts? My mind is all over the place at the moment.

I have confided in my best friend but she is no help.

OP posts:
UnlikelyAstronaut · 21/05/2018 22:56

You're kidding right? At 16.40pm yesterday you said there was no reason for people to comment on your post any more.... That you'd got rid of him and were going to get on with your life.

Now you're asking strangers what you should do with his socks?

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 21/05/2018 23:04

UnlikelyAstronaut - I am back for advice as my friends in real life aren’t being that helpful.

Huh.. socks?? I don’t follow

OP posts:
TemptressofWaikiki · 22/05/2018 00:05

OP, I must admit, I was among the posters that originally felt exasperated by how you allowed your ex to walk all over you but am really pleased that you are standing up for yourself. I think not everyone appreciates that you’re still in the middle of all this drama and only just now feeling some justified pent-up anger. I get it that sometimes that makes you snap and lash out even at people who are trying to help. So, would urge others to go a bit easy on OP and appreciate that her emotions are really raw. Anyway, as for your latest post, I would really urge you and recommend going through the court and get everything in writing, so he can’t bully or try and manipulate you. Better to vent in this thread then allow your ex to get to you too much.

lardass88 · 22/05/2018 06:06

Absolutely go through the courts!
My ex h was a manipulative abusive controlling man and wouldn't listen to what I wanted in the divorce so the only way was for a judge to make him listen.
I'd arrange asap for his belongings to be collected- but I don't see why you should let him in the house.. as precious people have said perhaps have someone else with you or arrange for his things to be taken to him. I'd limit any contact with him and only engage in conversation if it concerns the children. You'll get stronger. It gets better. I promise x

Mxyzptlk · 22/05/2018 08:25

Socks, and all the rest of his stuff.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 09:49

I just hope that he leaves me alone today! I didn’t get any sleep last night, he is not here but it feels as if he is taking over my mind, I’ve booked a doctors appointment for tomorrow, I don’t even know why.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 22/05/2018 10:42

This guy has been messing with your mind for a long time. It's understandable that's it's hard to get him out of it.
Getting rid of his stuff should help. I hope you can get that sorted soon.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 11:54

He has been, he caught me off guard. I forgot that he doesn’t work on Tuesdays I have been making sure that I lock the door from the inside so he can’t get in. I should not have to live like this in my own house, I will be getting the locks changed. He took some things then went on to tell me that he is taking his jewellery with him because he doesn’t trust me then had the cheek to go in the kitchen and make himself a drink whilst telling me that he will collect the children from school and bring them back later, when I know that he doesn’t have any interest in the children.

I now feel really down, he is the cause of my anxiety and me feeling unstable.

And sorry if I have been coming across rude to some posters on here, I’m just so frustrated and not in my right frame of mind at the moment.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 22/05/2018 12:08

Yes, to getting the locks changed.
The more you can do to stop him pushing his way back into your life, the better.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 12:19

Mxyzptlk - I really shouldn’t have to live like this, should I let him collect the children after school? he only wants to collect them because he is bored. Or should I text him and tell him that I’ve told the school that we are going through dispute and under no circumstances are they to leave with him at home time? Or text to say make sure they are back for 6.30pm?

In reality I don’t feel as if I have a choice in this and me stopping him from seeing the children when he wants is just going to cause more problems?

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 22/05/2018 16:28

I agree getting the locks changed asap..

I'd let him have the kids today.. but I suspect it's as you say.. he's bored.. once you have all of his stuff out.. get the locks changed.. and then start making contact arrangements that suits you both .. Flowers

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 17:03

Gemini69 - I texted him to say please make sure he brings that back by 6.30 because I don’t want to ruin our 7 year olds routine, he texted back ‘Ok’ then at just before 3 o’clock he called to say that he can’t collect them! They come out of school at 3.15 and the school is 35 minutes away so I was late collecting them.

I’m so fed up.

OP posts:
Joysmum · 22/05/2018 17:46

Make notes and keep copies of everything.

As I said, you’ve got fight so it’s a case of of thinking and planning. Don’t rely on him for anything he’ll continually let you down and make you sngry if you do.

He’s not capable of being a good father and even if he was he is choosing not to be in order to get at you. Everything will be about how he can get at you so your best cause of action is to limit contact and damage limitation.

Damage limitation isn’t through pandering to him, it’s about living independently and having as little to do with him as you can get away with.

When he continues to muck you and the kids about, instead of getting angry, see it as predictable and proof that you’re doing the right thing for you and the kids in limiting his input.

You can do this. You have spirit and fight so make that work for you Wink

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 20:06

Joysmum - I am so angry right now, I could literally kill him, all this is having an effect on my 10 year old.

OP posts:
Gemini69 · 22/05/2018 20:10

I suspect he expected you to say No.. and try to use it against you lady .. probably stumped him when you said Yes Flowers

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 22/05/2018 21:23

Gemini69 - I guess so, I just need to calm myself down I keep snapping at the children I am just becoming very impatient with them especially my 7 year old who is SN I threw his dinner in the bin, I have called my mum she is going to come over tomorrow and help me because I can see myself going into deep depression.

OP posts:
Mxyzptlk · 22/05/2018 21:55

Sorry to read all this.

So he decided to be completely unreliable just to mess you around. I guess you have to go on as if he doesn't exist. So if he says he'll do something, you assume he won't.

Are you getting his stuff taken away soon?

I hope you feel a bit better once your mum's there with you.

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