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Original poster

Should I let him back?

262 replies

SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 07:44

Morning 👋🏼

DP and I have been on a break for near enough three months now, yesterday he sent me a text saying that he wants to come back home.

The reasons for the break were :

  • He doesn’t help out with the children (I have three children under the age of 10)
  • Not interested in doing things as a family
  • He is unsupportive
  • I don’t agree with that he does

Shall I let him back? I have been doing well by myself.

Thanks and please go easy on me

OP posts:
SandyY2K · 17/05/2018 20:30

You were hellbent on not listening though. You've made numerous bad choices and continue to do so.

3 kids with a useless man! Did he only become so bad after the 3rd? I doubt it.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 20:32

SandyY2K - I know, please stop reminding me. No he didn’t become bad after the 3rd he has always been kind of not interested but I really wanted more kids and there was a part in me that thought he would change.

OP posts:
trustnoone2018 · 17/05/2018 20:33

Then tell him to go home. Tbh I think he's staying there because you want him to . If you are trying to show him what he's missing to prompt him to change then do just that . Stop yoyoing around .

It must be hard to split up when you have children but inviting him and letting him spend the night is what is confusing your children. Think about what you want to do and stick to it

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/05/2018 20:34

Whether he knows what he's doing or not, he's taking advantage of your niceness.

Go wake him up and say: I didn't invite you here for this, I invited you over to split up with you for good. Now go find somewhere else to sleep! Not in my house!

AnyFucker · 17/05/2018 20:38

Tell him to leave. He is manipulating you.

Maelstrop · 17/05/2018 20:39

Wake him up and tell him to get out! Wtf?! He doesn’t get to do this in YOUR house,

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 20:40

trustnoone2018 - Yes I let him in, but that wasn’t an invited to stay here! I can’t cope with this rubbish anymore. This is another reason me and him are never going to get home, he never ever asks he just does it, no consideration for anyone but himself.

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 20:42

never going to get alone I’m so annoyed I’m typing in riddles.

OP posts:
Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 20:43

I’m going to have to leave him to sleep, me getting into any conflict with him will only push him into disappearing, I’m only being civilised with him for the children’s sake.

OP posts:
TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 20:49

You say you're angry but you just rolled over when he said 'I'm going to bed'.
Your response should have been 'not in this house you aren't'.
You're saying one thing but your actions are saying another ..if you genuinely want him to leave them march up the stairs, wake the fucker up and tell him get his ass outta your house!
It actually really is that simple.

LifeinColour · 17/05/2018 20:49

Is he always this controlling and manipulative OP? Xx

TemptressofWaikiki · 17/05/2018 20:50

Well, I rest my case OP... There is nothing wrong with me. I have an enormous amount of sympathy with so many women on MN with abusive partners who are scared to leave and go through absolute hell to emerge free on the other side. You, however, are a bit like a gormless pudding. It's not like this wasn't utterly predictable and you are letting him sleep now...

Mxyzptlk · 17/05/2018 20:53

Of course he knows he's walking all over you.
That's why meeting in a neutral place to tell him it's final, is a good idea. He can't pull any crap there.

Considering his feelings because you are scared he'll disappear isn't going to work. He'll just keep taking advantage of you and may well end up living in your house again.

You need to decide what you want (him gone from your home, I hope) and say it clearly to him.

I hope you won't be slithering into bed beside him tonight ?!?

CharlotteCollinsneeLucas · 17/05/2018 20:58

If he disappears from the children's lives, he - and only he - would be responsible for that.

Channel your anger and get rid of him. I presume he's in your bed? That is not his place now. Go and tell him!

trustnoone2018 · 17/05/2018 20:58

So you are mollycoddling him so he can be a father to the children 🙄 and occasional shag for you (excuse my vulgarity) without playing house because you don't want to be involved when he's arrested for fraud Fantastic op well done Confused

Joysmum · 17/05/2018 21:02

A good dad will be about for the kids to rely and co-parent needs matter what and will fight for their kids.

The fact that he is my like this you feel the need to have to placate and bargain with him to keep him means he’s not a good dad. Bad dads do harm and let their children down. You’re setting you kids up for a lifetime of having to placate and bargain with their father just as you do. That’s a terrible life lesson for them and I hope you see that sooner rather than later before he messes their heads up like he’s already done to you so much you can’t see the problem. I feel sorry for them Sad

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 21:02

TheBogWitchIsBack - It may seem that simple to you, but that would be hard for me to do, when it comes to these kind of things I’m very week. It took me a hell of a long time to get him to move out, and yes I do genuinely want him to leave, I feel very violated by him.. where am I suppose to sleep tonight!!
LifeInColour - Yes he has always been very manipulating in his own way, but he has never been controlling.
Myxzptlk - No I won’t be getting into bed with him tonight, he better make the most of it because this is the last time he will ever get to lay in my bed again.

OP posts:
AdoraBell · 17/05/2018 21:07

Right, leave him to sleep, you sleep on the sofa - yes, I know, why should she sleep on the sofa instead of kicking him out? - and let him leave for work in the morning like normal.

Then send him a text saying it’s over. If he asks why you have done this by text, how could you be so cold/uncaring, tell him that you invited him to talk and he ignored you and took himself off to sleep in your bed like he still lives there and it shows a complete lack of respect for you, which you are not willing to accept.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 21:16

AdoraBell - Thank you, I will be taking your advice. It’s so easy for people here to say wake him up and tell him to get out, that wouldn’t be very civilised of me.

OP posts:
AnyFucker · 17/05/2018 21:16

I don't get the problem if he "disappeared"

Let him fuck right off. He brings nothing to your life.

squishy · 17/05/2018 21:17

I think Adorabell has given good advice. There’s no point beating yourself up about what’s happened this evening, now, it’s done. So learn from it - you’ve admitted you’re weak when it comes to him and conflict, so make sure any further communication is on neutral territory

TheBogWitchIsBack · 17/05/2018 21:19

Civilised? Fuck me.
What a life he has, it must be great to be able to swan in and out of the family home whenever you feel it. Sex whenever you feel like without putting in any effort, sleep whenever you want and fuck off in the morning and not have to bother with the responsibility of the kids.
Op in the nicest way possible, get a grip and stop letting this man wipe his feet all over you.

Original poster
SprayingMonsters · 17/05/2018 21:20

AnyFucker - I do not want him to disappear on the children, it took me a while to pick up the pieces last time, if he was to disappear again I would have to go through it again.

We are all parents here, please don’t tell me that you’ve never done something you don’t want to do for the sake of your children, being a mother it is something you have to do sometimes.

OP posts:
trustnoone2018 · 17/05/2018 21:28

Just to quote you @SprayingMonsters you said " he has always been not kind of interested ". So what are you keeping him around for . He isn't a dad to the children and a bad partner yet you want to keep him around . He is having his cake and eating it and I bet he is loving it . Having you make excuses for him

AnyFucker · 17/05/2018 21:30

What you are doing now is just prolonging the agony for your children

If he disappears on them that is his choice

Do you not understand this ? You cannot micro manage him. Let him go....your dc are better without a fuckwit like him in their life. Short term pain for long term gain...believe me.

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