Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Protection built in.

Meet the Other Phone.
Protection built in.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Relationships

Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

About to have the single most awkward meeting of my life..

206 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 28/03/2018 19:52

Hi everyone,

The subject says it all really. My DD who has just turned 3 will be meeting her biological dad in a couple of weeks.

We had a whirl wind romance I fell pregnant, he left to live in Australia and we’ve had no contact since.

Last year I had to contact him to get some medical information from him and he said he would like to find out more about his DD. Up until this point he didn’t even know her name. It has literally just been photos and letters until now, he asked me about a month ago if he could see my DD as he is visiting the UK to see family and I have agreed.

I know what he did was unforgivable walking out on us. But I’m doing this for my DD. She won’t be told who he is.

We are going to a park for a couple of hours and having tea and cake.

If he gets emotional then I’ll walk away because my DD won’t understand it. My only concern is that my DD will be ok and enjoy playing in the park.

I haven’t seen him him in over 4 years, this is going to be the single most awkward meeting of my life.

Any tips to get through this? 😬

OP posts:
AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/04/2018 14:38

I hope it goes OK. I’m probably more nervous for you than you are 🤣

I’m glad she had a sleep (more helpful than a sled 😂) and woke up in a better mood.

[I’d probably have arranged to meet up with AussieBastard beforehand if he’s THAT good looking & single 🤣. Still, there’s a couple of days before he goes back to Aus 😉]

All that aside, you’re definitely doing the right thing for DD, you’re a great Mum 💐

rainbowstardrops · 12/04/2018 14:45

Hope all went smoothly Thanks

lollipopjones · 12/04/2018 17:23

How did it go, OP?

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 19:36

We’re home! I’m shattered 😝

So we met up and it was very odd, it was like time hadn’t passed when we met. It wasn’t awkward at all 😳 I was very surprised. He didn’t cry or anything when he met my DD but he obviously was a bit overwhelmed at meeting her. At first my DD was a bit shy, but that very quickly went and she started interacting with him very quickly. The connection between them was obvious and it was lovely to see.

We went for a walk and we all played in the playground and we went for a late lunch. It honestly was very surreal and very positive. I am so glad I met up. Her dad was very honest about everything, he said it hasn’t been an easy journey living in oz and I think he may be re-thinking his plans of staying there. He said the first year he was there (when DD was born) he found it very hard. So he seems remorseful. For me the meeting was a step in the right direction and in a way very cathartic! I’m really glad we did it.

I took photos of them both and he has asked if his dad and brother could meet my DD which I said I’m happy to do. It’s lovely for my DD to meet her extended family.

I’m feeling from this meeting is that her dad intends to be a part of her life from now on. But it will be baby steps. My DD still doesn’t know he is her dad yet.

I’m really glad we met. Sometimes you have to forget about the past for the sake of your child 😊

OP posts:
Elclr · 12/04/2018 19:48

I'm so pleased for you. It sounds like you are an amazing Mum doing what is best for her little girl. I work in a job where children are used as tools far too often between angry exes. It genuinely restores my faith in humanity to read this. Well done and thank you. Flowers

Buxbaum · 12/04/2018 19:49

Well done, OP. Big glass of wine for you tonight! Wine

ajandjjmum · 12/04/2018 20:02

Well done - and you're right, baby steps.

TheFreshPrincess0fBelair · 12/04/2018 20:13

Does he have any other children that your daughter could meet in the future?

AnnieAnoniMouser · 12/04/2018 20:20

Oh that sounds great. Well done you! 💐

Are you going to see him again before he goes?

I guess now time will tell...maybe he’s finally growing up...

Celeste7 · 12/04/2018 20:23

How did you feel when meeting him? It's nice to hear that it was all positive regarding his relationship with your daughter but how did it affect you? Did it bring back memories? Do you think you 2 might be able to start your relationship again? Sorry for being so nosey!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 20:24

Thanks! No he doesn’t have any other children, so this relationship is important to him.

He hasn’t asked to see us again, and I haven’t pushed it.

I think he is slowly growing up yes. But time will tell.

It was just lovely to see my DD with her dad, to have those memories and photos is wonderful and special. Hopefully overtime this will be built up for her 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 20:31

Celeste, good question. I didn’t know what to expect tbh. But the connection between us is still there, the ease of conversation was great and we just get on very well. I honestly don’t know what the future holds. But for me, it felt very positive and as I said before cathartic- I felt like I could put to bed a lot of my anger and hurt and move forward.

I’m an ideal world it would be great for us to be a family and get back together, do I have hold up any hopes of this - no. He left me when I was pregnant, so it would have to take a hell of a lot of time to try and work through all that and get back on track. It’s not something I’m thinking about, for me the main thing is just supporting my DD in building a relationship with her father.

OP posts:
ohfourfoxache · 12/04/2018 20:31

Cherry you are one remarkable mummy Thanks

Alwaysstressed999 · 12/04/2018 20:31

Much respect to you @cherry you sound amazing 🧡

NonnoMum · 12/04/2018 20:36

Stay strong, Cherry!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 20:39

Thank you 😊💐

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 12/04/2018 20:45

So pleased to read about a positive outcome!

DeegeeDee · 12/04/2018 20:49

This is great to hear @cherryblossom200, have a good night's sleep.

Herewegoagain56 · 12/04/2018 21:02

Wow what an amazing mother you are! So nice for you to have done this for your daughter. I really hope he continues to want to build a relationship with her and it sounds positive that he will, but even if he doesn’t you’ve given it a chance and that’s such a mature thing to do for her

MyRelationshipIsWeird · 12/04/2018 22:11

I’m so pleased for your dd that the meeting with her dad went well. And it’s lovely that his family want to meet her too. Would be great to have a wider family to love and support her as she grows up.

NoKnownFather · 12/04/2018 23:43

Wow, CherryBlossom I'm so pleased it went well for all of you. While I understand it wouldn't have been easy for you, and possibly not easy for him either, he's had 3 yrs to think about what he did and what he's missed with DD.

Here's to a happy future...and I don't mean a happy family if that's not what you want or how it pans out, but at least DD can be part of her extended family and that's really important.

You can relax now as the first hurdle is behind you....all the best for the future.

Flowers
loopylass13 · 13/04/2018 09:16

Happy it went well for you x

timeisnotaline · 13/04/2018 09:43

It sounds like it went very well, but please don’t confuse ‘my fabulous move to oz was a lot harder than I thought’ with ‘maybe I should have worked harder at being a dad’. It’s probably just self pity that he hasn’t had as much fun as he wanted.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 13/04/2018 09:58

No don’t worry I don’t think that. He spoke a lot about the loss of his mum and how it affected him. Seemed a bit strange, almost as if he felt he needed to off load all his issues into me. The big dream not how he expected it to be, loss of his mum etc he also seemed to try and focus on me almost more than my DD. I felt he should have focused more on her than me.

But despite this, it did still feel a step in the right direction.

Now I’m leaving to ball in his court. He can contact me.

OP posts:
Herewegoagain56 · 13/04/2018 17:25

If he hasn’t had much experience with being around children in the past it’s possible he was focusing more on you as that was more comfortable for him, he may not have known how to play with a young child. Hope you hear from him soon