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Original poster

About to have the single most awkward meeting of my life..

206 replies

Cherryblossom200 · 28/03/2018 19:52

Hi everyone,

The subject says it all really. My DD who has just turned 3 will be meeting her biological dad in a couple of weeks.

We had a whirl wind romance I fell pregnant, he left to live in Australia and we’ve had no contact since.

Last year I had to contact him to get some medical information from him and he said he would like to find out more about his DD. Up until this point he didn’t even know her name. It has literally just been photos and letters until now, he asked me about a month ago if he could see my DD as he is visiting the UK to see family and I have agreed.

I know what he did was unforgivable walking out on us. But I’m doing this for my DD. She won’t be told who he is.

We are going to a park for a couple of hours and having tea and cake.

If he gets emotional then I’ll walk away because my DD won’t understand it. My only concern is that my DD will be ok and enjoy playing in the park.

I haven’t seen him him in over 4 years, this is going to be the single most awkward meeting of my life.

Any tips to get through this? 😬

OP posts:
Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/04/2018 11:59

I definitely feel it’s the right thing to do for her sake.

Can I be totally honest with you. Her father is very, very attractive. Tall, handsome, model good looks, but totally useless 🤣 I can never forgive him for that he has done EVER. But it will still be hard as he is so incredibly gorgeous to look at 😝

OP posts:
Dancingleopard · 10/04/2018 12:07

I wouldn’t do the meeting. Purely because when he fucks off and loses contact it would eat me up inside that actually being round my/his daugher still wasn’t enough for him to want to be in her life.

It would be a worse rejection of her.

As good human being, his conscious should already be telling him to be in her life.

How will she feel as an adult knowing that her dad has actually spent time in her presence and still didn’t want to acknowledge her.

After reading your last post I think the meeting is just for you really isn’t it. What a shame your using your dd as bait Hmm

Tori3535 · 10/04/2018 12:14

Good Luck! Your an amazing mum for doing this. Xx

user1487175389 · 10/04/2018 12:19

It's all very weird. Wouldn't it be better to meet him by yourself first, suss him out, work out if you actually want him in her life?

You say she won't be told who he is, but what's to stop him saying something? You don't even know him.

You'd be surprised how much kids can pick up just from an atmosphere. She'll know somethings up.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/04/2018 12:26

Please guys. Respect my decision. I haven’t started this thread to ask your opinions on whether this is the right thing to do I KNOW the right thing to do by my daughter. And yes he is incredibly attractive, but that doesn’t change anything. I’m just being honest.

If my DD was older I would meet him first. We’ve had a fair bit of contact recently so I know what his intentions are.

Anyway, I’ve literally only started this post to get support more than anything. This is a delicate matter, so unless people have anything constructive (not why am I meet her father) to say then please refrain from posting on here.

OP posts:
Dancingleopard · 10/04/2018 12:30

cherry you posted on a on line forum, you don’t get to choose who posts of you don’t like their opinion.

You second to last post shows how you really feel. It’s pretty obvious your going to be upset when he leaves you both again.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/04/2018 12:44

Dancing, you are reading my post incorrectly. I meant it will be hard, not because he will leave us again, I couldn’t give a shit about that. I meant it will be hard in the sense that he is so attractive.

If this really was more about me wanting to see him, then do you think a) I would have scheduled a one to one with him first so we could have time together? B) scheduled to have the meeting at the start of his stay not the two days before he is about to leave, so we could possibly spend more time together? Hmm

This is 100% about my daughter, nothing more.

Anymore, I’m sure you will read into my message once more incorrectly.

I’ll let everyone know how I get on after my meeting on Thursday!

OP posts:
Teensandfuture · 10/04/2018 12:49

Not sure how you meant to build up contact and how this meeting is it for your DD sake.Its actually you showing your DD to him because hes curios enough . Lets say she sees him few times as family' friend and at what point and how you tell her hes not a stranger but her dad?
Id ask him to pay maintenance first and prove in that sense he's serious otherwise its not worth it all. He might see her on Thursday and disappear forever ..get married in Australia and have other children .
And it was you who originally contacted him for medical info, before that he didn't care at all.

Teensandfuture · 10/04/2018 12:51

a) I would have scheduled a one to one with him first so we could have time together?
Do you even have that opportunity, does he want to be in touch with you for you only ?

hesterton · 10/04/2018 12:52

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/04/2018 13:00

Teens a future, the comment about meeting him one to one was in response to what someone else posted earlier on. Someone suggested I was initiating this meeting for my own purposes and not my DD. And no I do not want a one to one meeting (I doubt either will he) otherwise we would have suggested it.

OP posts:
ElsieMc · 10/04/2018 13:18

I think you are doing the right thing op so that in future your dd can see that you have put her first with regard to meeting her dad. You are always going to get some posts you don't like and you have to suck that up because it is just a different opinion and I think the posters have been moderate on here - unlike some I have read recently.

Just remember, he might have an attractive outer shell but inside he is not so beautiful, is he? He is still the same guy who put himself first and can he be trusted to keep contact given past conduct. That's what you need to focus on. Still, I hope you day goes well, but I would not bank on him keeping contact.

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 10/04/2018 13:24

Thanks Elsie 😊 don’t worry I am completely aware that he may bail out. Perhaps even after this initial meeting. But at least I can say I tried and hopefully will have some nice photos I can show my DD when she is older.

Of course I realise he has to prove himself first. So far he has kept in contact and sent her a birthday card along with a letter and photos of his family. This is all in the space of 4 months and now he has asked to see her. So from my perspective he is doing ok. But one wrong move and that will be it. Then I will wait until my DD is old enough and mature enough to decide if and when she wants to contact him herself - I have in not so many words communicated this to him as well.

OP posts:
loopylass13 · 11/04/2018 17:45

Hope it all goes well tomorrow x

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 11/04/2018 18:13

Thanks for remembering Loopy! I’ve been fine about it today, but tomorrow I think when we’re on the train I’ll feel a bit weird about it all. Luckily the weather looks like it’ll be ok!

I’m going for a nice dinner with my DD afterwards and then being picked up by my Mum! x

OP posts:
extinctspecies · 11/04/2018 18:22

Good luck OP.

I think you are doing the right thing.

rollingonariver · 12/04/2018 07:34

Good luck today op! I hope it's really lovely!

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 08:29

Aww thanks for remembering 💐 currently I have a 3 year old who is having one tandrum after another 😜 typical! She’s always normally really well behaved!

OP posts:
NoKnownFather · 12/04/2018 09:27

Good luck, thinking of you today. DD is getting the nervous vibes from you....breathe and relax!! (just about impossible isn't it?? ) ;-)

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 09:52

I’m pretty chilled about it too be honest! She’s just woken up in a completely crap mood. I’m going to try and get her to have a sleep shortly otherwise I foreseen a nightmare later on. Tea with her father whilst she lays under the table screaming isn’t what I want ideally...

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 12/04/2018 10:55

Say 'You know you wanted to get to know your daughter?' hand over screaming child and have a nice cup of tea Grin

But really I hope she feels better and the meeting goes well x

Original poster
Cherryblossom200 · 12/04/2018 11:33

Cake that’s what my mum said I should do ha!!! She’s just had a sled thankfully, so hopefully it should mean she’ll be in a better mood for the rest of the day x

OP posts:
cakecakecheese · 12/04/2018 14:01

Your Mum sounds great Wink

Celeste7 · 12/04/2018 14:08

Good luck! I totally get it why you do it. Keep us posted of what happened:)

Lofari · 12/04/2018 14:14

Keep us updated on Aussiebastard!
For what it's worth I think you're doing a great thing for your DD.

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