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Original poster

Did he assault me?

191 replies

JollyAwesome · 15/02/2018 19:55

Regular user but NC.

Feeling very confused and upset right now. Earlier on today, my husband and I had an argument in the car on the way to a family outing.

Our 4 yr old child spilled his packet of crisps in the back (they landed all over his car seat). I was driving and said to my husband "oh quick, can you pick those up before they fall on the floor"
He snapped back "No, not right now" (he was eating a sandwich)

So clearly flustered I said ok fine I'll do it and reached my arm back to pick up the crisps (my eyes were still on the road)

At this point he grabbed my arm really hard and said "NO, do NOT fucking do that, it's dangerous". He wouldn't let go of my arm and it really hurt, I panicked and was furiously shaking my arm saying get your hands off me, what are you doing etc? He refused to let go but I managed to shake it free and then lashed out at him in self defence (at least that's how I felt).

I immediately pulled over and got out of the car and walked off for 5 mins because I was so shocked that he'd done that to me. I could feel my arm throbbing where he'd had such a tight grip on me and I contemplated just walking home at that point but decided I couldn't ruin the day out that I'd planned.

So I returned to the car and said if you ever put your hands on me like that again I'll go to the police. We had an awful day, I couldn't even bare to look at him but tried really hard to stay upbeat for the sake of our child.

I'm so shocked that he acted so aggressively towards me. The anger in his voice, the way he spoke to me, the fact that he's physically hurt me. I have a bruise on my arm!

He said he was shocked and appalled at himself. That he was so sorry and couldn't believe he'd done something like that and that it would never happen again. This is very much out of character and I'm just so hurt that he would put his hands on me like that.

Am I overreacting? Should I just let this go? Sorry I feel like crying, I just can't believe he did that to me, even if it sounds insignificant. His manner was just so aggressive and it came totally out of the blue.

OP posts:
Fireywoman · 15/02/2018 20:22

Trying to see it from both sides, I can say if that was my partner driving and going to do something like that, I would react strongly as stupid little things like that can distract you for a second too long and can end in disaster (this happened to a friend of mine). However I wouldn't have held on so long or so tight! It's certainly not acceptable behaviour! I would forgive but not forget and make sure he understands that if he ever loses his temper like that again your out, think if he lost it like that with your child and grabbed them like he did you, he could do a lot of damage!
I wouldn't stand for it and I would certainly let him know it for a while!
I hope it never happens again

Lovemusic33 · 15/02/2018 20:28

You reached back to pick up crisps whilst driving? You could have crashed and killed all of you, what were you thinking? The crisps would have still been there when you got to your destination, or you could have pulled over. I’m not surprised he grabbed your arm and shouted tbh. He probably was OTT (should have let go) but you were driving and shouldn’t have been cleaning up crisps.

Grunkle · 15/02/2018 20:32

Sorry it sounds like you were driving dangerously. For the sake of picking up crisps? What were you thinking??. I don't blame him.

AthenasOwl · 15/02/2018 20:34

I can see both sides here. I am an extremely nervous passenger and if you did that while driving I'd probably have a reaction as well!
It was just crisps, presumably you have a hoover you could have cleaned it up later if it spilled..not worth putting everyone at risk for.
He shouldn't have hurt you that's inexcusable but unless there's a history I'd probably put it down to a reaction based on a moment of panic.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2018 20:37

I agree with others, if my dh did something dangerous I’d grab him to stop him.

Joysmum · 15/02/2018 20:38

Wow, you shouldn’t be in the toad if you thought that was acceptable. I’d have been scared for my child too and I will go further than I deem acceptable normally if I thought someone was putting my child led in danger.

MrsWhirly · 15/02/2018 20:39

He shouldn’t have grabbed your arm, but to be fair he was probably terrified that you were attempting AND trying to reach around and pick crisps off the floor - which if I have to be honest is a pretty irresponsible thing to do.

NC4Now · 15/02/2018 20:42

I can see why he physically intervened to stop you doing something dangerous. Hard to say whether it escalated to assault with just the info you’ve provided.

ThisLittleKitty · 15/02/2018 20:44

Sorry but I'm with your dh on this one. Sounds very dangerous what you did and sounds like he acted out of panic.

AxlPose · 15/02/2018 20:46

Really?

lookingforthedroids · 15/02/2018 20:47

Grabbing the arm of a driver and refusing to let go is an incredibly stupid thing to do and really dangerous - far more so than you reaching round for a few crisps (which you shouldn't have done either, but everything is relative).

He caused you to panic and was deliberately preventing you from having proper control of the car. I'm horrified to be honest.

reddingtn · 15/02/2018 20:49

The pair of you sound highly strung

KarmaStar · 15/02/2018 20:49

Ridiculous behaviour from a grown woman risking the lives of your family and other innocent road users so you could pick up a few crisps?your dh was probably scared and was holding firm as you were fighting him to get at the crisps,then you slap him and storm off?
Are you actually serious?you need to take a good look at your priorities.
It takes less than two seconds to lose control of a car and one handed driving can be the difference in the important seconds averting a crash.I am shocked all you're worrying about is if your arm hurts.

IHaveBrilloHair · 15/02/2018 20:51

OMG, what you did was so dangerous, his behaviour was perhaps ott but I would have been horrified/furious too.

Ipigglemustdie · 15/02/2018 20:52

I've said "not now, in a minute" before and had a rather sarky "fine I'll do it" followed by martyred effort to do said task. Really really fucking annoying, and possibly slightly abusive (combined with other instances) he shouldn't have hurt you obviously but was he holding your arm tight or trying to push it balk to the wheel?

Original poster
JollyAwesome · 15/02/2018 20:58

Wow slightly shocked by some of these responses!

To clarify, my child shrieked and said "my crisps" I briefly turned around to see them all over the seat. I then asked him to pick them up, he refused with an arsey response. I then reached my left arm backwards with my eyes still on the road, right arm firmly holding the steering wheel to grab a handful.

He then restrained my arm really tightly and refused to let go! And I'm the one in the wrong? If what I did was so horrendously dangerous then surely he made is 10 times worse by refusing to let go of my arm!

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 15/02/2018 21:00

You endangered your life, his life, your children's lives AND the lives of other road users for CRISPS?! Shock

What on EARTH were you thinking?!

It sounds to me like your hugely dangerous and reckless actions caused your DH to panic. As it would most people. His reaction is understandable. Your actions that provoked the panic were not.

If my DH did what you did whilst driving our child I, too, would have grabbed his arm. You endangered lives!

And then you slapped him.

PurpleDaisies · 15/02/2018 21:00

Why ask if you’ve already decided you did nothing wrong? Confused

Lovemusic33 · 15/02/2018 21:01

Maybe you should not be driving.

‘Sorry officer, I was just grabbing crisps off my child and didn’t notice the child walking across the road’

You would be done for dangerous driving, sorry but it’s dangerous. You need to learn to block out what’s going on in the back of the car or learn to pull over to sort it out. You have many years of ‘I spilt my drink’ and ‘I can’t find my toy’ to comd. When your driving you don’t reach behind to get anything.

Coolaschmoola · 15/02/2018 21:02

Stop justifying your actions. What you did was dangerous and reckless. You were not in full control of the vehicle. You were not focused solely on driving.

Sorry that you want to be right - you just aren't.

ThisLittleKitty · 15/02/2018 21:03

I still can't see why the crisps couldn't wAit.

Original poster
JollyAwesome · 15/02/2018 21:05

So nobody on this thread has ever briefly turned around (I'm talking a split second) whilst driving? Or reached your arm backwards to give your child something?

OP posts:
Coolaschmoola · 15/02/2018 21:05

Oh and you definitely assaulted him.

"Self defence"? After he'd let go and you'd stopped the car? Pull the other one - you lashed out in retaliation.

ThisLittleKitty · 15/02/2018 21:06

It wouldn't take a split second to pick up crisps. Again why couldn't your child wait?

BackInTheRoom · 15/02/2018 21:06

So what if the crisps went on the floor? No one could walk on them as your DC was strapped in.

I'm reading this thinking you tried to control the situation? You wanted your DH to act but it annoyed you because he put his sandwich first and he didn't do as he was told (he's probably a bit lazy and this irritates you) so you were like ffs do I have to do everything and you tried to pick up the crisps. He was pissed off because he knew the craic and could not believe you'd pull something like this to prove a point and grabbed your arm aggressively. You pulled over because your fight response and his response had rather shocked you and probably him tbh. Hey, I could be wrong so if I am, apologies in advance and fwiw I'm not going to judge because Tbf however it happened, you two will have learned something from it.

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