Snooped

[WishIHadntLooked77]

I wandered into the room while H was surfing earlier, and he closed his browser weirdly quickly. He was only on a tech forum, so it seemed a bit strange.

Stupidly, I snooped - I guessed his username and searched his posts. So you could say I deserved what I found. Admittedly, the unpleasant posts were a small number of his posts (the rest related to the forum subject mostly), but I’m feeling really hurt by them.

Among other things, apparently he finds me talking about work incredibly annoying and dull (I hardly ever do, and listen to his ranting every day), my boobs have seen better days (fair but harsh!), and when he was away for a boys’ weekend lately, it was ‘walk to wall totty’ but he’s ‘done a 12 year stretch’ so far - sad face. And various posts perving about random celebs, but I don’t mind that so much.

I’m probably over-reacting, but I can’t look at him right now. I thought he was my best friend, and now it feels like he has no respect for me. I work my arse off (full time job and 2 kids), listen to his constant griping and whinging, and do everything I can to make our home a happy one.

I don’t know whether to just try to forget it, or to admit that I snooped and call him out on the comments. What would you do?

what a cunt

Nope i couldn't stay quiet, be prepared for some come back on breach of trust for snooping(justified) but not sure quite how i'd get over my OH describing my body online to strangers as having 'seen better days'. Actually i'm fuming on your behalf! grim.

Thank you, HisBetterHalf. Those three little words made me feel better!

Is it really snooping if he's posted it online for all the world to see? It's not like you read his text messages or hacked his online banking. He posted on a forum which I assume anyone could access.

I’m sure his body is a work of art!

You could be really petty and start a new thread moaning about how big his nose is and how attractive other men are blah di blah, leave it open for him to see.

That’s not a good idea really though.

What an arse hole. You won't be able to forget that. Me personally if my dp done that, I would go mental. He'd be out on his arse, if he found me that annoying and past it he could fuck off. That's so disrespectful and insulting. I'd feel betrayed. Maybe my reaction would be an over reaction. I can understand why you're hurt by it. What a prick.

I do feel like I shouldn’t have looked at what he’d been posting, in the sense that it’s a community like this is. But also that, like you’ve said, it’s a public forum - I didn’t have to register to read any of those little gems. And yes, the fact that anyone can read that stuff about me (even though I’m not named) does make it worse in my book.

Thanks very much for your thoughts on it - I really appreciate them.

Totally agree with HisBetterHalf. Pathetic bastard, I'd confront him and watch him squirm.

He’s being an arsehole. Time him talking about work this week. But you do have to address this with him- I couldn’t look at my dh either if he’d said things like that about me.

He's 'thinking' and 'saying' derogatory things about you. How is this helpful? Tbh it's very negative and unnecessary. I'd have to discuss and unpack this not because he's not entitled to his opinion but just to ascertain whether he's unhappy?

Was initially quite tempted to snip the comments, register and put them into a new post on his forum...with a “thanks, darling”!

But you’re all right - I need to talk to him about it like a grown up.

It's basically an insight into his real thoughts and feelings. I'd be beyond hurt OP. He could play it down but don't let him.

I'd probably leave a draft text to a friend open insulting his moaning, his appreance (particularly his penis or testicles), how 12 years without a new shag has you feeling extremely bored. Ask him to search something on your phone because you accidentally forgot your phone was still open on that page. Let him get hurt. Let him get angry. And then admit what you found. But I'm childish

Ltb....he has NO respect for you at all, let him have all the 'wall to wall toty' he likes.....prick!

Quite often men on these kinds of forums who really over share, do tend to try and mix more. What I mean by that is they are generally more open to contacting each other. For advice, swapping ideas, selling parts etc. So there can be a more identifiable feel to these posts and if he’s closed it really quickly he knows he’s crossed a line.

Even if he deletes those posts, they are out there forever. Honestly I don’t know if I could get past that. Him being so disrespectful about you to the whole world!

Wow that's really horrible. Id be calling him out on it and say you checked because he acted so suspiciously. And now you know why.

Smeaton, sure - it’s a fair point.

But I can honestly say I’ve never said things like that about him to my closest friends, never mind on a forum. Me referring to his moaning and whinging is the harshest thing I’ve said, and that’s an acknowledged fact in our house :) He even has a Mr Grumpy mug.

I’ve asked him a few times in the past few years if he’s unhappy, but he swears not.

He doesn’t have many close friends. Only really one gaming buddy who he drinks occasionally with. God only knows what he says about me to him!!

(The point to that being that I wonder whether he’s said inappropriate things on a forum because he doesn’t have many real life relationships.)

I should also say that the posts were over a few months - so potentially venting when we’ve annoyed each other in the natural scheme of things. But even so, it’s the stuff he’s said that bothers me so much.

There's no harm in venting after an argument but like you say it's the topics that he's chosen to mention. I think sit him down and apologise for snooping, say it had never entered your head to snoop before but he seemed to shut down the page in a hurry which made you worry. Then explain what you saw and how it made you feel. His reaction will tell a lot.

He sounds like a real loser

WishIHadntLooked77

Venting might go like this...'she really pissed me off today,' not derogatory comments about your body, that your marriage is akin to some kind of prison sentence and that you going on about stuff.....especially when it is HE who is grumpy......projection much!!

I'm with BabyBlues I would tell him that his closing the lid so fast had you suspicious, you looked, you read it and you are getting a divorce. I would not be able to live with him knowing those are his innermost thoughts. I would be so done.

To the poster who said that a partner looking at MN might also be upset...

I think the problem with MN is the posters are often too loyal to absolute pricks. "Oh but he's a great dad" etc comes out all the time, when describing some lazy guy who hasn't paid a penny rent or a moment's attention to his family in years.

I've never seen women on here slagging off their partners' bodies or comparing a perfectly normal marriage to a prison sentence.