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Original poster

So how does someone 40 meet anyone decent?

232 replies

Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 10:41

Well, 39.
I've been single for 10 years. I've had times where I have done lots of dating and times when I have done none. I've had a tiny bit of real life interest that has come to nothing. I've made moves in real life and nothing.

I'm as happy on my own as I can be but would really like this to change.

I've tried going back online but I get turned off them so quickly and then there is no point as they are not what I want.

At this point it feels about as likely as winning the lottery.

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 11:59

Apparently it’s a numbers game with old.
Dunno really I feel the same as you. Same age
It’s fucking depressing.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/02/2018 12:06

I can't do OLD. I think it's impossible in real life.
I'm hardly ever even in the same room as men between 40 and 50. It's usually younger or older men or people I'm already friends with and I know there's no chemistry. I think men this age are married and the divorces happen when they're in their 50s. Sorry not to have anything positive to say.
You probably need to do OLD.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 12:10

I've done so much online dating and I really can't face it. I try, every now and then but it's just so awful and makes me feel bad/ depressed.

When I was in my early 30's people told me it was a weird age and to wait for the men getting divorced late 30's early 40's.
😂

OP posts:
Haberpop · 04/02/2018 12:24

Signed up for Tinder, got chatting with a man almost straight away and then deleted the Tinder app within a couple of days because we hit it off so well, two years down the line we now live together and are very happy. I know I was very, very lucky to meet a good man as from the stories I hear OLD is a real minefield.

Haberpop · 04/02/2018 12:25

I was 52 when we met btw.

Bixg · 04/02/2018 12:33

I feel your pain. I'm in my early 50's and have been single by choice for the last 7 years as I just wasn't meeting anyone in my 40's (well, apart from younger guys who couldn't hold down jobs, or just wanted the older woman experience, or both!)

I really can't do old, it just leaves me cold. To top it all I work in a very large organisation but am closeted away with a small team of women and don't often get to interact with male colleagues my age.

I have aquired a cat and a 'rabbit'!

Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 12:39

AS much as old is hard and crap. I think it’s the only thing we can do.
Try and be more clinical about it maybe. That’s why I’m going to try and do. Be a bit more confident about myself instead of always thinking that they would probably prefer someone younger/thinner/prettier

Gwenhwyfar · 04/02/2018 13:23

"I work in a very large organisation but am closeted away with a small team of women and don't often get to interact with male colleagues my age."

I also work in a large organisation. All my male colleagues are under 35, some even under 25 and/or still at uni. There are men in their 50s and 60s among very senior management, but that is not an option either. Also, not much socialising outside my department. I thought such a place might have a social club or something, but it seems not.

Insomeotheruniverse · 04/02/2018 13:27

I think the key is to strike up as many conversations with people as you can as you never know where it will lead. Do you have any friends who have single friends you could meet?

A couple of months ago I was single and adamant I didn’t want another relationship for a long time. Then I got chatting to someone I’d known of a long time but not taken the time to get to know. Ended up having loads in common and feelings developed. Now in a relationship. I’m in my 40’s btw. I did not expect this at all and was happy to be on my own for good. It has come as a lovely surprise though.

I could never do OLD. It would be too much of a rollercoaster ride and don’t think I could cope with the lows of it. If I’d wanted to meet someone I probably would have joined some meetup groups or joined a cycling club where there are loads of fit guys 😉

39 is young. Don’t write yourself off yet.

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2018 13:37

I was 29 b but DH was 37, POF. refused to pay because there's less pressure. Ignore anyone who is an idiot. Sack off anyone who refuses to meet within 2 months. Sack off anyone who sets off your spidey senses. Check every other day. Sack off anyone who moans you don't reply quick enough or wants to send dick picks. The guy left is the one :) engaged in 6 months,married a year later

Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 13:40

I always feel that being 39 people immediately think I want a sperm donor.
Also on old I just don’t get much interest sadly.

SVRT19674 · 04/02/2018 13:58

Joined meetic at 34, by accident did a national search and got to speak to a man two years my senior from the other side of the country. Hit it off immediately, he made me laugh. Married two years later. Now expecting our first child. I was on meetic 13 days. I paid a fee to meet others who paid also. Weed out the cheap players. Happy as Larry. I am 43 by the way.

user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 16:53

Wow could of wrote this post.
I'm nearly 39 and been single ten years as well.
Everyone said it's still young but lately I've felt really old mainly due to health issues.
Do you have kids OP?
Find that takes the pressure of a bit as if you haven't got them most men assume at this age your going to want kids straight away.
OLD is ok you just need a thick skin and to not take rejection personal.
It is hard at this age but then even dating in my early 30s was hard you just need perseverance.
I get fed up with OLD and take long breaks but this year I'm just going to stick with it and go on a paid site
Perhaps you could try this?

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 17:04

I've done paid sites, I've found then worse.

I have got a child and don't want any more. But of course said child means I don't have so much free time.

I down loaded bumble the other day, I've exhausted my area... a few matches, nearly all that didn't reply to my message. One that did who said he didn't want to talk, just meet and if I was going to talk to say something that would make him smile.

Another who keeps going on about imagining me in uniform. Though I've told him I don't wear one.
And that's it.
I'm 39. Educated. Good job. Nice home. Ok car. You would think it might be easy. But it's not.

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 04/02/2018 17:13

Parkrun. The answer to so many of life's questions.

PericardiumOne · 04/02/2018 17:17

I met DH at 38 and got married a few months short of 40. Before that I had been resolutely single for 8 years. Did tons of OLD and hated every single minute of it.

In the end, I have put it down to mere luck, sorry that I can't be any more helpful! I met him at work and I work in a very male dominated environment, so with hindsight it's not surprising.

Before that, all my friends kept saying that they didn't understand how someone like me (insert compliments here) could be single. Well, the thing is, it's not the 'good' people that find partners and the defective ones who don't. A lot of the time it's luck.

Veterinari · 04/02/2018 17:22

I was 29 b but DH was 37

I think this is the problem for us >35 women. All the men our age are dating women in their 20s.
Mid-late 30s men are still looking for women 10 years younger Hmm

Plus everyone assumes you’re desperate for kids.

It feels like late 30s is a total dating void unless you’re interested in obese men in their 50s OLD

Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 17:25

Veterinari
This exactly !

Gwenhwyfar · 04/02/2018 17:39

Tips - Is Parkrun really full of single men in their 40s?
Thing is, even if I managed it, I'd have nothing in common with someone who can get up at before 9 on a Saturday morning to go running in mud.

Vet- surely we're not quite the 'desperate for kids age group'. Wouldn't that be around 35. I accept it's too late for me now, as do many in their 40s I think.

Pavonia · 04/02/2018 17:48

Veterinari I'm 48 and the obese men in their 50s aren't interested in me because they are chasing the women 10+ years their junior!

SleepingStandingUp · 04/02/2018 17:49

Veterinari He was looking for a quiet geeky goth woman, I think its fair to say he didn't get anything he was looking for. His last gf prior to me was his own age but cheated.

rightknockered · 04/02/2018 17:53

I'm in my 40s, have dated a lot of unsavoury (being nice) men. I was engaged for a while. I'm now dating someone else, a bit younger than me. I think just forget age, people can be immature dicks at any age, just concentrate on finding someone you like and get on with. Date any man that fits that criteria, and have fun.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 17:55

But the problem is I can't find any men I do get on with ( who are single) if I did- I would date them.
But I don't

OP posts:
Tipsntoes · 04/02/2018 17:56

Not full Gwen, it's full of all sorts form all walks of life. But I know three 40/50s couples that began at our small parkrun in the last 12 months.

rightknockered · 04/02/2018 17:58

if you don't find that you get on with them, ditch straight away. Always date more than one at a time, you're committed to no-one until you're committed. Do it in a calculated fashion, you have a lot going for you and can afford to be picky. Any man would be lucky to be with you.