So how does someone 40 meet anyone decent?

[Quiddichcup]

Well, 39.
I've been single for 10 years. I've had times where I have done lots of dating and times when I have done none. I've had a tiny bit of real life interest that has come to nothing. I've made moves in real life and nothing.

I'm as happy on my own as I can be but would really like this to change.

I've tried going back online but I get turned off them so quickly and then there is no point as they are not what I want.

At this point it feels about as likely as winning the lottery.

Namechanger - I disagree, I think there are loads of men out there who want an equal, not some young dolly bird. As long as there is attraction and you get on well then there's potential. You should give tinder a go, you might be pleasantly surprised.

Anyway NameChanger22
I am genuinely sorry. As you said. Bit of a raw nerve.

What is 'OLD?' I hear people mention it often on here.

Its rubbish that finding anyone decent in your 40s is like winning the lottery.

I have several friends split from partners in their 40s. Most have found someone new decent. It can be hard work online . There is a lot of kissing frogs but it is possible.

I have dated several very decent guys after divorce in my 40s. I havent found the right person but still think I might.

Its good to have worked on yourself and have a positive attitude

Honestly early 30s women are trying to get with late 30s/early 40s men and it is hard as a lot want women in their 20s
It definitely is sweetshop mentality where men think because they are behind a screen they can do better and better

It's online dating, petbear.

I haven't used online dating recently, but there did seem to be a high proportion of weirdos and shallow types (only interested in women 10 years their junior and gorgeous/stop messaging after they've seen a photo despite getting on well before). I met stbxh OLD, although not sure that's a recommendation given where we are now. I found OLD quite hard on my self esteem, quite a few men stopped messaging once they saw a photo and after the first couple of times it makes you feel really shit. Now I'm nearing 40 and significantly fatter and less attractive, I don't know if I want to go anywhere near it.

Don't get me wrong, I know there must be nice men my age out there, I'm just not sure how to meet them. And it does feel like a lot of 40 year old men feel they deserve 25-30 year old lookers, so where does that leave me? I'm not even looking at the moment, I only separated a few months ago, but I can't imagine ever meeting anyone nice who actually wants me too again

I met Dp in my 24 hour online dating career. I also got chatting to 2 other men who seemed really nice.

I was 34 at the time. He was 36. Unless you have a wide social circle, I do think online is the way to go, especially rurally where I live.

For a bit of balance here's a males view of OLD.

I'm 50 been divorced for 6 years & tried both OLD & speed dating. Neither are very good imo but at least with speed dating you get to talk & meet the person. I know that I am not gods gift, not particularly attractive & have put on some weight, but I've been married twice plus one other ltr & so I must have something going for me.

I work from home & don't have a big circle of friends so meeting someone at work or after work is zero.

Only really tried POF for old & have messaged hundreds of women with the reply rate less than 5%. I am well educated, use proper sentences & know the difference between their, there & they're. I'm never rude or crude & always try to pick up on something the women has put in their profile, but it seems that ladies & just like us men and go for looks over anything else. After xmas I deleted my profile & gave up. I'm not sad or lonely, just would like a bit of company from time to time and...........sex. (Yes, I said it) I have had a fwb during the past 6 years but she wants to meet someone for the rest of her life, and thinks that I don't tick all of her boxes & thinks we should move on.

So, I'm back to square one

Absolute bullshit that all men in their late 30's/40's want younger women. Every single success story of OLD I know in my age group (early 40's) the men are the same age as the women, or in my case, my no dh is 6 years younger than me. My friends dh is 13 years younger than her and he is early 40's , mentally and physically they are amazingly well matched.

In all honesty I just stumbled onto mine. I started a new hobby. Wasn’t looking for a guy but started being friends. Took me nearly 6 months to realise he was even interested in more as he’s 8 years younger. Now 4 years on very happy, living together and ttc. He asked me to marry him too but I refused as after a nasty divorce the very idea of marriage makes me cold. I was lucky he understood that.

Dh confirmed he didn't want a woman in her 20's as it " would be too weird". So yeah mid to late 30's quiet and gothy. He got me. You don't always get what you're searching for which is why I think unless its something manor, it pays to be open minded

I met my beloved when I was forty. Well, I'm still forty but you get the point. I wasn't actively looking though, neither was he. We got talking via a horror fiction group on FaceAche and it went from there.

Online dating sites are terrifying.

OP wait until you're 57 and looking ! POF is the pits. They read your profile and still contact you even though they don't fit your criteria. Men of my age are old before their time and haven't aged well. They still think they can pull someone 10 or more years younger. Most of them can't spell, use text speak and their opening sentence is Hi Hun. Grrrrr. And why they think you'd be interested in seeing their manhood after 4 messages is beyond me. Half of them have been taken to the cleaners by their ex and are back living with mum & dad. Why would I want to share my very nice house that I've worked damned hard for, my very nice car that I pay for with someone who has nothing of his own ? I've given up. I know it can work as I've had 2 ltr from old but I was in my 40s then. Now I'm in my 50s I'm invisible.

I am married but I know a few woman who've got a new partner in 40s and all the men relationship jumped, of course they all deny overlapping but Not suggesting this but think men jump from one relationship to another often.

I think OLD and dating in general is hard at all ages (maybe not early 20s). I’m 30 and really not having much luck... men matching and then un matching, people messaging and then going completely silent, acting out on dates and if you do think you get on with them they go AWOL.

I’m trying but can’t figure out a way to get on and move forward with my life!

perhaps all us single 40 & 50 somethings should get together for a night out & see what happens........ lol

This is a genuine question from someone who (thank fuck) is no longer looking. Can you not go out to a bar, pub, club have a couple of largers and smile at someone you fancy anymore?

You probably could meet someone in a pub etc., but chances are they'd be married, or pissed. Can't be bothered with men that drink too much at my age.

OLD (paid site with detailed profiles). Make sure you have an honest and detailed profile. That means many people will rule you out - but saves a lot of dead-ends. Only correspond with other people who have also bothered to complete a detailed profile. Others are time-wasters. Be somewhat open-minded to people's quirks (jobs, looks, interests, histories), but look out for red flags and also know yourself and select accordingly. You can't correspond with every possible; so use your time/energy with your best guesses. Sometimes it's worth giving a person a chance if you think there's something, but it's not going really well (some people take awhile to relax). Other times, you should cut your losses. Can only use your intuition. Try not to take rejections or ghosting to heart - these people don't know you, and they may be having as much difficulty making judgments based on intuition as you are. Take a break when you feel worn out. Come back to it in six months.

Im 44 and DH is nearly 68 and not a well man. We have been together for 26 years.

Ive already decided that if (God forbid) anything happens with DH im not dating again.

Reading the threads on here is really off putting. And peoples expectations these days are far too high.

OLD seems to exacerbate this.
After youve been in a situation where your spouse is ill it really puts things in perspective DH doesnt care whether i wax my legs or not (mind you he never has) and i dont really want to enter a world where these things are a stipulation when my world hasnt been that narrow or shallow for a long long time. Not for me even if i was single.

My last serious partner cheated on me and is married to her now.

I was 35 when he did it. Now Im still single at the same age op. I cant help thinking that was my last chance.

I have spent the weekend alone and planning a solitary week ahead.

Assuming I live to a ripe old age I have what 40-50 years of this to go.

A lot of the single Mums here seem to meet men in the private sports club, whether they are decent men, hmm, bit variable and suspect some are married, some brag about no of women they are seeing but there's probably a few decent ones in between. Meeting via others always think is the best way to go but I only know one single man in his 40s and I wouldn't put him in the decent category. My DS reckons you should date women instead of men and I think he maybe right.

If you go on a male dominated forum, they're saying similar about us.

They think we're too focused on height and appearance and salary, and are fed up of being dropped like a stone for falling short on any one of those criteria.

It cannot be possible that all the 40yo women are single for genuine reasons, but all of the 40yo men are single because they're weirdos or womanisers.

I know several couples in their late 30s and 40s who met on old, lovely men who were looking for partners of a similar age.

Even some of the posts here show how exacting some people are - dismissing people for a brief first message, or using the word hun, or spelling something incorrectly, or living with parents temporarily after a break up.

I don't want to date someone who is going through the pain and drama of divorce. It's not a nice place to be and I don't have time, nor willingness to bring someone into my life who is going through that.

I'm sorted and I want someone in a similar position.

I reject people based on compatibility. If their lifestyle is not going to fit with mine, or they have attitudes that irk when chatting in a message, then I've learnt ( from bitter experience) that it won't be any better in person.

I think that, before old existed, you just wouldn't know whether someone could write wittily or spell correctly. You'd meet in a bar or somewhere and all you'd know is whether you clicked or not. Later, you'd find that they couldn't spell 'they're' but you'd be more willing to overlook it because you already liked them a bit.

I suppose in my mind I'm thinking of the lovely single men I know who struggle to find dates for seemingly arbitrary reasons - the one who's very shy and quiet and says he never knows what to write, the one who's dyslexic and every word of a text is spelt wrong, the one who's supporting an ex wife and three dc so is back with his parents. All lovely men, if given a chance.

If you haven't had any luck why not play the numbers game, widen your net, relax your criteria, see what happens because if you keep doing what you've always done then you'll keep getting what you've always got.