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Original poster

So how does someone 40 meet anyone decent?

232 replies

Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 10:41

Well, 39.
I've been single for 10 years. I've had times where I have done lots of dating and times when I have done none. I've had a tiny bit of real life interest that has come to nothing. I've made moves in real life and nothing.

I'm as happy on my own as I can be but would really like this to change.

I've tried going back online but I get turned off them so quickly and then there is no point as they are not what I want.

At this point it feels about as likely as winning the lottery.

OP posts:
rightknockered · 04/02/2018 18:00

At 39, you're still young, you're hardly near retirement age. You just haven't met the right man. What are your interests? Maybe expand on them if you're not meeting anyone you get on with.

rightknockered · 04/02/2018 18:01

OLD sucks, I agree. I basically gave up on that last year.

Anonagain2017 · 04/02/2018 18:01

I'm 42. I've been dabbling in OLD for a good few months. Its is depressing at times. I had to many time-wasters. I found it was mainly younger guys who have a thing for older women - not sure what that is about, maybe they think we're gagging for it. I chatting at length to a few and then they always turned out to be weird. One guy who was a lot younger literally just wanted to come to my house for s&x without meeting first.
I chatted to one guy who was closer to my age but then he sent me a pic of him in santa boxer shorts, so that was that for me.
I also chatted to one guy who seemed nice and genuine. We arranged a date. He cancelled on the morning saying he had the cold and then blocked me (?).
However, I recently matched with a guy (only 3 years my junior) and we've been seeing each other for a few weeks and so far, so good. So, it can happen. I just think you have to wade through a sea of frogs first.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 18:05

Right- I've done so much dating in the past that I'm worn out by it. I don't agree to a date until we have chatted for about a week/ 10 days, and I know if we might get on ok.
I have had zero online dates in the last 2.5 yesrs because they all go weird/ horrible/ try to start sexting, before this point.

OP posts:
VioletCharlotte · 04/02/2018 18:07

I could have written this post OP. I'm 42 and been single forever. I've thought about OLD, but when it comes to it, I can't actually be bothered. I'm pretty happy being single and I don't need the drama. I guess it's a numbers game, but there's so many things I'd rather be doing than dating!

user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 18:08

What age limit would you go up to OP.
As depressing as it is men in their 50s are the ones chasing us.
For me I don't go higher than 45 as I don't find men any older attractive.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 18:18

45, 46, 47 at a push , but we are starting to talk about the exception here.
My step dad is 52 And very much a father figure so if I go too old it makes me feel weird.
Plus, I want to go out with someone round about the same age as me. I look younger than I am by quite a bit and am quite young in my outlook, which just makes it even more weird when they are so much older.
Equally I don't want to date anyone under 36/ 37.

OP posts:
user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 18:18

To put it bluntly it's not about intelligence or the fact you own your own home that's important to most men on OLD it's how you look.
Even the men that should know better are just the same.
OLD is all about image you could be thick as shit with zero personality and jobless but if you look the part you will still be inundated with offers.
Sadly men have different priorities to women when looking for relationships.
Not all men of course but a lot.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 18:23

Must be an absolute minger then.

I do get messages. They are all just from losers who can't string a sentence together and live with their mum. And, that is not someone i want to date, hence the ' decent men bit in the title.

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 04/02/2018 18:23

Tips - I find that after a certain age, you can't just 'meet people' like you can in your twenties and if you just go to a place with a mix of people there will be very few single men in the right age group. It has to be an activity that specifically attracts single men.
Obviously worked for your friends, though.

Gwenhwyfar · 04/02/2018 18:27

Well of course user, men are interested in looks, always have been, nothing new in that, but what's the point of your message. Unless someone's rich enough to have cosmetic surgery there's not much we can do about the way we look.We can have a nice photo, but then you don't want a photo that looks too different to real life, do you?

Tipsntoes · 04/02/2018 18:29

Gwen, I think the beauty of doing things like parkrun is that people aren't there "just" to meet "the one". You meet lots of people, some you'd rather not spend any time with, some stay as acquaintances, some become good friends and "the one" might be there. If you meet no-one the event's still enjoyable in it;s own right. I have a lovely group of mixed friends I've met through parkrun.

I haven't been dating for a long time now but I always found that the harder I tried the less likely it was to happen. It was when I stopped looking that I started meeting interesting men.

user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 18:30

It's not about being a minger it's just these unrealistic high expectations that a lot of men have.
Sadly men see all these fake surgically enhanced women on TV and in the media and believe women should look the same.

NameChanger22 · 04/02/2018 18:30

I think your chances are very slim, unless you're rich.

Most men want young women - preferably slim and attractive. Failing that a woman who can given them a nice lifestyle would be ok to a certain kind of man. Failing that there are some absolute losers who are desperate (Tinder is full of them I suspect).

I'm so glad I'm not looking for a man at my age.

user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 18:34

Yes I agree Gwen but I think men have lost touch with what a real woman looks like.
They have a sweet shop mentality with OLD always waiting for something better or believing they can do better.
OLD is favoured for men which is why it's hard for me OP and many other women our age to find someone decent.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 18:36

User, I did have a date from real life. He said about how he liked watching Geordie shore and wanted a girl like that, while sat opposite me who is thr othet end of the spectrum.
I look nice but I'm more flats and a t shirt.

I don't want to go out with someone because they like what I look like. I want to to out with them because they like who I am as a person. This is obviously too much to ask.

OP posts:
Aminuts23 · 04/02/2018 18:42

OP I’m in the same boat. 43, generally ok, good job, solvent, own home, car etc. Sociable. I’ve tried OLD, it’s just utterly tedious. Ones that look ok, similar ages, interests etc, get to chatting, they seem ok then the creepy message arrives. I find it a total waste of time. I’m fine on my own generally so I’m not that bothered but it would be nice to have someone to have a few dates with.

Geronimoleapinglizards · 04/02/2018 18:45

I think your chances are very slim, unless you're rich.

Most men want young women - preferably slim and attractive. Failing that a woman who can given them a nice lifestyle would be ok to a certain kind of man. Failing that there are some absolute losers who are desperate (Tinder is full of them I suspect).

Sorry but I think this is absolute rubbish. Yes, a proportion of men want slim, attractive wives. Lots just want someone nice. I have met several really decent single guys in their forties recently. They'd make lovely partners. They're just normal people. It's just being persistent in getting out there. There are definitely lots of arseholes too but they aren't all like that.

Original poster
Quiddichcup · 04/02/2018 18:47

I generally bimble along just fine..i have s childfree week coming up, halfterm and was just thinking it would be nice to go on a date or something but, nope.

OP posts:
Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 18:54

This reply has been deleted

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Tipsntoes · 04/02/2018 19:05

I'm not single, but I know three men in their 40s (park runners Grin ) who are and I'd be delighted to date anyone them if I was. I don't recognise NameChanger's description at all, in fact I think these men have been burned several times by women who were looking for someone to spend money on them.

NameChanger22 · 04/02/2018 19:15

Hungtinthedark

I obviously touched a raw nerve with you. No need for personal insults.

I am out there - I've been single for 10 years. I never married. I'm not looking for anyone because I don't find men attractive anymore, not where I live anyway.

user1490465531 · 04/02/2018 19:20

I agree Huntinginthedark your response was a bit personal I think like most of us Namechanger22 is just fed up with how she sees the dating world is.
That's her opinion you don't have to agree but no need for insults.

Huntinginthedark · 04/02/2018 19:26

Maybe read back what you wrote on a post from someone who’s looking for help and support
And yes it did touch a nerve obviously. And for that I apologise

NameChanger22 · 04/02/2018 19:51

The OP said herself that finding anyone decent was a likely as winning the lottery. I agreed with her. I know what I wrote, I don't need to read it back.

Giving people false hope isn't helpful.