So how does someone 40 meet anyone decent?

[Quiddichcup]

Well, 39.
I've been single for 10 years. I've had times where I have done lots of dating and times when I have done none. I've had a tiny bit of real life interest that has come to nothing. I've made moves in real life and nothing.

I'm as happy on my own as I can be but would really like this to change.

I've tried going back online but I get turned off them so quickly and then there is no point as they are not what I want.

At this point it feels about as likely as winning the lottery.

It is kind of interesting from a feminist POV how many financial/practical compromises one is prepared to make (or not make ha ha) in order to be in a relationship.

I’m heterosexual, I do feel strong attraction and of course loneliness is part of the human condition.

But I think overall there are things which I just think “nah” to to get s relationship, which I might not have done whilst younger?

A colleague was a HR manager and ended up marrying a farmer in her 40’s. She’d always liked the countryside, but I’m not sure she didn’t get more than she bargained for?

he expected her to work on the farm, contribute financially (to a farm his children would inherit) and do the housework.

He would post photos on Facebook of her working manual jobs on the farm (after doing a full day at work) in order to “get one over” his ex

I think she liked telling people that she was part of a farming family

He seemed very flattering, very complimentary to her, but quite frankly if I could get someone to work for 40 hours for me for a few compliments I’d be writing epic bloody love sonnets

It might seem like a big step for me to move in order to get myself in a better place for the chance of a relationship but there are other factors too. I’d like to increase my general social circle and have more to do on my doorstep. And this small village feels claustrophobic now my children are older. I feel like there’s nothing here for me now.

No that’s definitely cool - I myself am looking forward to potential new career path both for intellectual stimulation and (hopefully!) meeting a fairly diverse, intelligent range of people, male and female.

I guess I just think that in terms of Wifework and practical demands, some men have a ridiculous sense of entitlement and some women enable it?

I don’t want to meet a millionaire, but equally, it adds no value to my life to meet someone who considers “sitting in your flat all weekend and you can cater for me/ entertain me” a social option.

What pisses me off as well is this type is capable of going out and socialising and doing interesting things for themselves - but as soon as they meet someone in the dating context they want a new mother character.

I completely agree. I do think I’ve made compromises in the past when I shouldn’t have. My learned behaviour from childhood and an emotionally abusive father was ‘always keep the man happy’. It’s taken ages to realise and I still do it to a degree. I’m hoping that improving the direction of my life generally will mean that other things, including a good relationship, will follow. I have to learn to put myself first more!

And I can wait for the sudden increase in eligible men when I’m 45 as suggested earlier the thread is giving me hope and encouragement!

Margo You're absolutely right. It is LUCK for the most part as most people I know who are long term single have done all the things everyone suggests on MN - clubs, salsa, hobbies, gym, running, climbing, telling friends you''re looking and do they know anyone... And nada. Zip. Zilch. And it is identical for men too, not just women.

I've askee many people. No one knows anyone single who they would recommend. Few people know single men but would they would not match make with them as they are so odd.

Softchosen. I'm with you on that, I'm not looking to mother anyone. I find it really unattractive and I'm looking for an equal.