Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

My DH never talked to me about his previous partners and never do I. He never asks and as a result - I don't. At first I found it strange but then thought it's only for better. I have heard so many times when a partner can turn your history against you.

We tell each other everything (as far as I know!) I'd find it really odd not too. How can you truely connect with your partner otherwise?

I say this as a couple who have done loads of...things...in the past!

We do, pretty much.

My previous relationship ended due to me finding out a huge lie he'd kept from me the entire time (not one you can move on from, sadly) and I swore I'd never be in that position again. DP and I spent the first few months getting to know each other before committing to a relationship and we talked about loads of things - our childhoods, money, jobs, ex-partners and the like - I don't share all the nitty gritty but I feel like you need a decent insight into someone's background and past behaviours before you think about long-term commitments like a house, marriage and children.

Dh has given me the gist of his previous life but hasn't and won't go into the gory details. I don't ask him either. I just made sure he was completely clear before giving up the condoms.
There isn't much to tell about my life before dh - I've led a very boring and sheltered life.

I would never discuss previous partners or sex. No way on the earth. Totally my own business

I would say we generally tell each other everything. Like to an extent, no one is a completely open book. My dh truly doesn’t have much romantic history, a few random hook ups and one or two girlfriends of 6 months or less. We met when he was 21. I’m a few years older but dated a lot more and started earlier and my past is a bit more adventurous, but I can’t really think of anything major he doesn’t know about (there has been some pretty juicy stuff but I’m very open so pretty sure he heard all the stories within like the first year of us dating). We’ve both had some difficult family stuff in our childhoods so we’ve talked about that. The only thing maybe I don’t always get a good insight into is his emotional life now. We’ve had some upsetting things happen in our extended family in recent years (because of that we no longer have a relationship with his mum). It’s been really hard on both of us but I do think sometimes he hides just how much it eats away at him. When we do talk about it, I’m always a bit surprised how distressed he seems even when he can go months without seeming bothered. I would say that’s maybe the only thing. I think for us it’s more just a personality thing. I’m very open and outspoken so even though he’s more reserved, I sort of probably drag it out of him more than anyone else might.

Naive. Share most things but nothing deep amd dark or anything that can be used against you in case you ever have a custody battle or divorce. Same with sexy pics.
You need to consider that all is well now but you don't know anyone's nasty side until it shows itself and by that point it is too late.
Same with friends.
And the runaway fund.
Naive not to think that one day you may need them.

Sadly, probably for both of us, I agree with Primark

My dear old nan always told me "keep 10% of yourself back dear, never give anyone 100% of you"

She was absolutely right.

I don’t think you ever know someone completely tbh. I think you can be with someone 20 years and you know what they can still surprise you.

What do you mean by tell dh everything? I know I can talk to dh and he would always support me no matter what was wrong but if you mean does he know every little detail about me ( I.e who I shagged in the past, what I got up to in Ibiza as a student etc etc) then no he probably doesn’t, he knows me as the person I have been since we met as imo that is what matters who I am now

I didn’t really mean about past stuff, not having been there it isn’t possible to know everything about someone’s past and a lot of it really isn’t relevant to the present. I meant about current things.

DH and I have been together half our lives, neither of us lived with a partner before we met so just the usual student relationships so not a lot to discuss. We know pretty much everything about each other. He did forget to mention he sang in a lunchtime choir at his last job for a couple of months but that's about as dark as it gets! And I share pretty much everything with everyone, I'm not good at secrets.

Current things .. Yea I would he quite open

We don't talk much about our past sex life. I don't know or want to know the details, how many people he shagged, and where he shagged them etc. I know about one relationship that screwed him up for a while but that's about it.

There is nothing else I can't or don't tell him. I don't keep secrets from him. I am positive he is the same way, but I wouldn't know for sure would I?

Share most things but nothing deep amd dark or anything that can be used against you in case you ever have a custody battle or divorce. Same with sexy pics.

Don't have anything like that . Maybe the people who don't share are those who have things to hide. If you have nothing to hide you share everything.

On a day to day basis there are certainly things I don’t mention to my DH. We don’t get that much time together and sometimes I will intend to tell him something but then by the evening I just don’t feel like getting into it. I’m not keeping it from him, I’m just being lazy. Or sometimes I won’t mention something he doesn’t need to know. Like yesterday I realized that I’d missed the return deadline for something I bought and so had to take a £45 voucher which I will probably never use. He would be a tad judgy about my irresponsibility so it’s not worth telling him. But again, if for some reason he asked, I wouldn’t hide it.

As far as my past and stuff like that, he knows everything. I really haven’t done much that’s out of the ordinary for someone my age — I partied a bit in my teens and twenties, and I’ve had nine previous sexual partners. I do have one thing that I am very ashamed of that I did in my late teens. I told him once and he has never mentioned it again. He’s good like that, or maybe he just forgot.

I've been really bloody irritated and upset in the past when I've told a friend something in absolute confidence and then they tell their bloody OH. Fine if it's your own stuff - but not other peoples who have trusted you with information. I think it happens a lot. Do couples forget they are not actually one person??

Well thats fine then count. But many people may have. See the threads on here from women worried about past thressomes/promiscuity being found out. Or say an abortion.
None of those are anyone's business and imo not dark but they have caused problems in current relationships.
You never truly know anything of anyone's past so dont make yourself vulnerable.

As far as I am aware, we tell each other absolutely everything. No topic is off limits. We are very accepting of each other's pasts and are very open with our feelings. I think it makes for a healthy relationship.

Only the other night did dh and I spend hours talking about past relationships and the kind of messes we would get into. We are always learning new things about each other, in fact I confessed to him that if I had my time again I would have been alot more promiscuous at University ( I was very up tight), dh and I met in our first year of uni...no offense taken on his part, he kind of agreed :)

And it isnt just you but also the consideration that men are less likely to share everything about themselves and women are more vulnerable in the event of relationship breakdown.

I could tell my DH anything and everything, but I don't. It is nice to keep a confidence - and it is even nicer to be trusted to do so.

We have teenage daughters - if he knew everything they had told me (sex/boyfriends/girlfriends/drinking etc), he'd be worried sick half the time. I however respect their confidence and hope they keep sharing their lives with me before they spread their wings and fly off.

DH cannot hold his own water and tells me stuff his friends have asked him not to - then I forget what I'm supposed to know/not know and blurt it out. My friend confided something to me I didn't tell DH then it came out and he was annoyed I handnt told him. I don't understand what " share everything" means? If you see a bloke you think " I would love to shag him" would you share that with DP? I don't share all my most inner thoughts with anyone.

Beyond - I totally agree.

Salt if tell your husband everything means to share the secrets your friends have entrusted you with then im bloody glad you arent my friend.
I hate it when women are that pathetic they cant so much as have a wee without telling their husbands/partners.

Sprry salt i misread your post. Apologies x