Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

Different ways for different people, innit.

Glad youre not my mate deck. May as well be your husbands bestie so I can share things with him myself
What neither have I attacked an individual. The op used the word naive. Dangerous is not a name it's a situation.
Yes I judge brides but down to their own naivety. Pathetic is not nasty. It means arousing pity for vulnerability. Women marrying are more vulnerable than men, for reasons including pregnancy and birth, childcare, impact on work and so on. How many threads on here are from women who thought they had what you have, who are totally fucked after x years of marriage? Connection isnt so beautiful then is it. Hopefully it will never happen to you but dont fucking stand there and say it is natural for me to be jealous my life isnt like yours. Open your eyes to the impact on women when they give their all to their husbands and you will find an army of women who are fighting to keep going day by day in poverty, homeless, raising children single handedly, with depression, who are scared, lonely, battered, in hiding, having to help their children cope with dad leaving and new stepmums who dont want them. Ad infinitum. This is the reality for a lot of women who once trusted their romantic views not dissimilar from your own.
There are no personal attacks from me. You say you've been on this site years. So take from it what is here. I stand by it being naive to give anyone, friend or partner, everything of yourself.
Btw, I am glad you are happy.
If you feel attacked report my posts.

Primarkismyonlyoption Like I said, if everything goes sour then so be it; at least I had X number of happy, loving years where I was fully connected to someone I loved. Whatever happens, I will always be happy that I was lucky enough to have this time.

I stand by everything I said too; so we’ll have to agree to disagree

We don't. It keeps some of the interest going, I think.

Deck only my first sentence was to you. After that was talking to whattodoaboutthis2017
Enjoy your eve
What fair enough

Mostly, but if a friend confided in me and asked me to tell no-one I wouldn’t tell DH.

I would hate to think I couldn’t confide in a friend without it going any further.

DH and I are individuals. If I send a friend or colleague he isn’t friendly with a birthday card I only sign it from me.

I also have a habit of stopping off at city bars and having a cocktail, glass of champagne or a G&T and reading my book.

He doesn’t need to know that
It make me feel slightly rebellious

Pretty much. We also don't really have "past stuff" because we met and became a couple at 18 and still together now aged 24. We've essentially grown from teenagers into proper adults together.

I think we're reading the OP differently. I'd say I have no secrets from DH but that does not include the follow:

Telling him every boring detail of my day (he might disagree about this! I've certainly told him his stories about work can be boring).
Other people's secrets. Although TBH no-one has ever told me anything I couldn't tell DH, what kind of things do you say to your friends that are not suitable for them to repeat to their husbands? Are you having affairs or something (I probably would tell DH because I'd have to tell your DH as well. I would not be sympathetic to you in that situation and you would be told so)? Or is your OH violent? Then I know my DH would be supportive of you not your OH. He is not the kind of man who is a man's man and thinks bros before whores . Recently I've been telling my friends all about our house sale and house hunting. I have no worries if they share this with their DH. My life is not interesting enough to be private!

As far as my children telling me something in confidence. Well they are too young for this to be an issue but if, for example, I knew my future teenage daughter was pregnant or had been raped then of course I'd tell him. I have confidence that he'd be as supportive of our children as I would be. I am not in fear of his reaction.

Primark has obviously been badly stung but that does not mean all men are bastards. If DH turned out to be a shit I'd be hurt but I still can support my children without him. I think giving up a career is making yourself more vunerable than telling your DH you had a threesome in your early 20s.

We talk about our own things but not anyone elses private information. Oh doesnt need to know whose partner has cheated, whose got an STI, whose been abused and raped and who has miscarried. And he doesnt have any right or reason to know.

For two of those, cheating and miscarriage my friend has said 'you can tell oh, id like him to know' . I wouldnt want my friends knowing that i like this kink in bed or i have this mental health issue or i feel x way about someone they will never meet.

Mostly - if a friend tells me something in confidence, in answer to don’t tell anyone I always say no one but DH ( they are all fine with that!). Somethings (like my shoes) we both know about but don’t discuss! Works for us.

To clarify the cheating and abuse was previous partners not current.

I never said said all men are bastards just that naivety can be risky.
I am disgusted with how many women share their friends issues with their men though. Totally out of order.

I am disgusted with how many women share their friends issues with their men though. Totally out of order.

But how many people have said that? Of WhiteWalkersWife's list I've only ever been told about a miscarriage and that was not a secret. TBH I'm surprised people think when they tell anyone any 'secret' that it isn't going to be shared, I would always assume that at minimum someone would tell their OH and possibly their friends. I have no friendships that have lasted as long and are as deep as my relationship with DH and I think that's true of most people. Friendships are not the same as marriages.

deckoff
'Friend is feeling crap so i'm going to see if she is ok' - fine
Telling DH why friend is feeling crap - not ok. They aren't my secrets to share.

Equally, DH and I don't give each other run downs of our catch up with friends, every detail of where we've been when we've been out alone because in all honesty I couldn't give a damn if he went to B&Q followed by Tesco.

I would hate to think if I confided in a friend that i couldn't trust them. If i tell my friends something abd it is MY secret ti share. It shouldn't go further. If they tell.me their secrets, it is THEIR secret and not mine to share.

Yes we do. He knows everything about me and my past and I know everything about his. We both cheated in our youth, we both had our slutty years. I’ve heard some pretty shocking stories about how he treated women when he was younger and he’s heard some pretty bad stories about situations I’ve put myself in when I was younger. It’s always funny when I meet old friends of his and they try to embarrass him and I’m like yeh I’ve heard that story before. I don’t judge him for his past and he doesn’t judge me for mine. We are different people now.

TBH I'm surprised people think when they tell anyone any 'secret' that it isn't going to be shared, I would always assume that at minimum someone would tell their OH and possibly their friends.

CountFosco one of the miscarriages did come out because my friend wanted it to but theres no way i would reveal my friends rape to dh. She told three of us at the same time in confidence and id be disgusted and she distraught if any of us revealed details of it. Ive shared it anonomous here and jn counselling only.

Ive been their friends for far longer than with dh but i am closer to dh. But id never divulge dhs personal secrets with my friends either and i dont expect to hear their dhs.

I don't tell my dp everything. I'm sure he doesn't tell me everything either. Important things we tell each other. Things.that will affect each other or the family we tell. But minor things we don't bother unless it comes up naturally

Good God, no!!!

But id never divulge dhs personal secrets with my friends either and i dont expect to hear their dhs.
This.

What DH shares with me in confidence stays between me and DH.
I would expect him not to tell his friends my confidences.
What my friends share with me in confidence stays in confidence.
I expect the same from them in return.

It is about trust and repsect. Being a blabbermouth is untrustworthy and disrespectful. It doesn't matter if it's your DH, your friend or some new person at the gym, don't betray the trust someone has in you.

From my current life.. We share lots bur does he need to know about day to day work rubbish, my friends intimate details, etc

I am not sure anyone does that, really.

When I said I tell him everything, I meant I have no secrets that I keep from him and I tell him everything that is important.

I don't tell him everything I have done at work, or what I have spoke to my friends about etc. I don't tell him about the hot bloke I saw down the road. That's not keeping secrets, it would be just as boring as fuck to tell him every detail of my day, and of course some thoughts are private and some things aren't mine to share.

So I probably should change my answer really. I don't deliberately keep secrets from him. There is nothing I hide from him, but I don't tell him every single thing.

Everything. He is my absolute soulmate and mirror.

Mirror? What does that mean marvellous?

I suppose that we are mirrors of each other - we reflect in each other and are just indescribably close.