Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

You sound like you have a lot to learn

As do we all

LittleMissUnreasonable He isn’t, really. And since you assume it would make you uncomfortable, I suggest you stick to not doing it.

Nobody is asking you to or even insinuating that you should.

@WhatToDo

Fair enough just seems peculiar to blab all your friends personal business when your DH would probably you much rather didn't bother and spoke about something else. Each to their own though and it's probably why you think your friends have got nothing deeper going on with their lives, because they don't day. I'd find it exhausting acting like me and DH come as 1 person

That's the last I'll say though as our opinions are different and it's fair enough to have our own. :)

That's the last I'll say too because it's like having my daughter back chat me with smart remarks she also knows everything

LittleMissUnreasonable You can think that if you wish. As I said, out of our group I am the one people turn to when they need to talk, so I know pretty much most things about each of their lives. Nothing they’ve ever told me has become public or common knowledge so they have no reason to not trust me.

DH and I don’t act as one person, but it would be disingenuous to try and pretend we’re not as close as we are. We live and work together, have for all of our adult lives and some of our teenage years. We wouldn’t have it any other way. I would hate to be with a partner I had to, or even wanted to, deliberately keep stuff back from.

BackToThe90s I’m not “backchatting” you; we’re having a discussion. Unless of course you don’t think this is a discussion, rather you think as you’re older you have the right to tell me how I should behave (and actually, you pretty much have tried to tell me how you think I should behave). Newsflash: you don’t have that right. Adults are allowed to have differing opinions and behave as they wish.

I also don’t claim to know everything, far from it. I was serious in my last reply; we all have a lot to learn. Even 40/50/60 year olds still have a lot to learn. What’s that old adage? “Everyday is a school day.”

Unused to tell my dh everything but when I tried to separate many years ago he threatened to use a lot of my inner struggle against me and I stayed in the end. But I tell him nothing important at all. Been grey rocking him for eight years now....the bugger still won t let go

WhatToDoAboutThis2017
I think what back is trying to point out is that you come across as very smug even when othersare sharing the benefit if experience.
It does come across as teenager digging their heels in a bit sort of we are a unit and we trust each other and we come as a package because we love each other very much. i don't care if anyone has an issue with me telling DH becausewe are soul mates ans you lot wouldn't get it. I'm not going to even consider the feelings of my friends because my man is my world so they should expect me to tell him because we have been together for so long.

“Nothing they’ve ever told me has become public or common knowledge so they have no reason to not trust me“

Only because they don’t know youn can’t keep your mouth shut.

MaisyPops People can share their experiences and thoughts and feelings as much as they want. It’s nothing to do with “digging heels in”; I’m not going to alter my behaviour based on a bunch of randoms on the internet.

This is a discussion forum; we are having a discussion. You guys don’t agree, that’s fine, but trying to change someone’s behaviour because you don’t like it by patronising, condescending or insulting them simply shows you don’t respect the right of others to behave how they wish (as allowed by law of course).

You go on about respect so much you might want to try it, or is it something only applicable when you personally deem it so?

BertrandRussell Yep, pretty much.

This is why I would only confide in my Dsis...I can't be dealing with friends who can't resist the urge to blab.

Funny enough when I support OWs in affairs with MM...they often talk about wife telling him all her friends health, marital and other issues...that he's not one bit interested in...but he does tell the OW...she heard it all.

Wow what you really feel spoken down to. I wonder why that bothers you as nobody is speaking to you negatively.
You say this is a discussion. Its not. You have repeated your posts word for word with added insults for good measure. You don't care of others' suggestions. You are invested only in your own point. I am leaving this circular argument. No doubt you will find me in another thread to have the last word as you have trued to do but this shows nothing except immaturity and a total disregard for forum etiquette and the often sensitive posts which other posters have kindly shared.

Wow what you really feel spoken down to. I wonder why that bothers you as nobody is speaking to you negatively.

Really? So it’s not a negative thing to be called immature, insecure, told you have a lot to learn or any of the plethora of insults directed at me on this thread?

the often sensitive posts which other posters have kindly shared.

Saying you think of brides as pathetic isn’t a sensitive post; it’s just a nasty, judgemental one.

What @Primark and @Maisy said times 100

It's just the same 3 lines going around in a circle

1. DP IS my world (why that is relevant to blabbing other people's things I'm unsure)
2. I refuse to tell my friends a secret shared with me is a secret shared with DP and I don't care
3. I don't care what internet random think.

So I think we're all wasting our time. WhatToDo is going to repeats the same 3 lines over again and not listen to anyone so let's quit while we're ahead.

WhatToDo no insults were meant, you're quite firm with your view so I'm glad I haven't caused much offence to youself. I'm just firm with mine too

No, I don’t keep stuff from DH unless it’s boring, betrays a confidence or I’m a bit ashamed of my behaviour

What did you mean about your DH having a dark side he keeps to himself?
Does he know you’re aware of it?

What i wasnt referring to my comment as sensitive.
I apologise if you find my feelings about brides offensive. It isnt meant to be.
Agree to disagree.

Been together 33 years, all the important stuff and chit chat.

I've come to realise that there are moments in life, with people, with your children, your spouse, your parents, that it's nice to think are just between us. I keep those feelings and thoughts to myself, from everybody. I probably have 6 of these and I'll take them to my grave. Just mine, the other person probably doesn't even know or remember, those moments, some might. Hope that makes sense.

LittleMissUnreasonable Well of course the same things are going to be said. You’re repeatedly saying the same thing, so my answers are repeatedly the same.

If I’d taken offence at any of the many insults thrown my way I wouldn’t still be replying; so on the off chance any of you are actually concerned, no, I’m not offended.

I apologise if you find my feelings about brides offensive. It isnt meant to be.

However, this is bullshit, primark. If you’re going to describe an entire group of people as pathetic, what else are you intending it to be other than offensive?

You’re divorced, right? You’re a single Mum, right? What if I called all divorced women or single mums pathetic? What if I judged them as pathetic because they couldn’t hold onto their man?

Of course I don’t, but if I did, there would be outrage (and rightly so), and I would have no reason to say these things unless I was intending to cause offence. It wouldn’t add to any discussion, just like your remark didn’t.

Both DW and I have really bad childhoods, both have PTSD as a result. So, we share everything but this.

I'm not that much older than you as I'm only in my 30s (and my daughter is 11) so I'm not some 50/60 year old talking down You just come across very young for your age that's all. And yes to the person who said you need to have the last word!

Anyway.........@OP what ‘haven’t’ you told your husband??

BackToThe90s You can talk down to someone at any age, and yes, you are doing it whether you care to acknowledge it or pretend otherwise with fake smilies.

It’s not about having the last word; it’s about this being a discussion forum where discussion is going on.