Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

No worries. I agree with you.

Yes. I've shared everything. No problems. He would never throw anything back in my face now or later, because there is nothing that throw back.

I don't like the view:

"Naive. Share most things but nothing deep amd dark or anything that can be used against you in case you ever have a custody battle or divorce."

It's not naieve, to me, To go into a relationship expecting and hoping it to be longterm.

If Dh and I do divorce, would it get nasty? Over something I did, 25 years ago? I doubt it. Presumably he'd complain about my behaviour in the last few years of our marriage?

Pretty much. Not everything as my life is pretty dull and I don’t want to bore the poor chap!

I have told all my friends that if they tell me something in confidence then I may tell dh unless they specifically tell me not to. If they specifically tell me not to then I won’t.

We know the (pretty scant!) details of each other’s sexual pasts. We have both admitted to our less “kind”thoughts about people over the years.

I probably wouldn’t tell him if I had a great big boil on my bottom as I want him to fancy me!

We’ve been together pretty much half my life though so lots of time for things to be discussed. Frankly it is harder to think of something new and interesting to discuss these days!

We've been together 30 years. We can still surprise each other sometimes even though we know each other very well. I don't tell him everything & I'm sure he doesn't tell me everything. Neither of us is interested in discussing past relationships as it's irrelevant to our lives now. Our relationship is healthy & as open as it needs to be to keep it that way.

DH and I have been together since we were teenagers and have known each other since we were kids, so there isn’t anything I don’t tell him and vice versa.

I can’t imagine not telling him everything; it wouldn’t feel right.

A consequence of my job give me a window into other people’s lives. Sometimes people we both as a couple know.
I know things about people that we both know that I think are best left in the dark where they belong. Not that I don’t trust my wife. I just don’t think any good would come of telling her.

Primarkismyonlyoption From your posts here it’s such a shame you see a loving connection with a partner as “pathetic”.

I’d rather be in a happy, loving and connected marriage and be branded pathetic than not give my all to someone and never truly have a connection. I feel sorry for anyone where that is the case.

No need to feel sorry for me as that connection is often one way where women think it is all equal-it isnt. And yes its pathetic to have to repeat everythibg a friend says because 'you share everything'.
As I said, naive.

DH and I have known each other for a really long time, as friends first so he probably does know almost everything about me.

Do I tell him everything though...? Probably not. I don't tell him things that friends have told me, I don't bother telling him some things as I don't see any benefits to him knowing and somethings I just forget to tell him.

I assume he's the same with me.

I agree with the PP who said it's very annoying when friends tell their DPs your business. I don't believe there's any benefit from doing that sort of thing.

@WhatToDoAboutThis2017 why do you have to tell you DH everything for you to have a loving connection?

yeah we pretty much tell each other everything but then thats our personalities. I think some people are a lot more reticent and for them it would be hard to talk about absolutely everything. So I dont think theres a right or wrong way to go about things.
I personally like knowing all about my husbands past and vice versa.
I also trust my husband completely and know he would never in a million years tell anyone anything I said to him in confidence.

If a friend specifically told me not to say something to my husband I wouldnt (unless it was a secret that i morally felt i couldnt keep) But ive actually never encountered that because ive been with my husband quite some time and hes not known as a gossip. I think my friends trust him as much as I do so ive never had any of them say that to me.

^^this

We share everything important that pertains to our relationship and the raising of our kids. But there's stuff I keep to myself. Nothing dark or mysterious. But I'm still an individual within my family. Some stuff is just for me and none of this would hurt anyone in my family. I think that's the most important bit. Do no harm.

I learned from my first marriage that stuff gets thrown back in your face. Information makes for good mud in a slinging match. Don't be too vulnerable and dependent on your partner. Be equal, not needy. Hard to do sometimes.

TheGiggleLoop Because I don’t think you can be fully connected to a person if you don’t give them your all.

I keep my partner fairly updated with my world. But when would anyone get the time to share everything?

@WhatToDoAboutThis2017 are you suggesting you can't have a strong spiritual/emotional/whatever connection unless you tell your partner everything?

I'm not suggesting you deliberately hide things that would directly affect them, but surely you don't have to tell them everything that happens you to everyday, including things that others have told you?

I could talk to dh about anything that is important to us.
I don't disclose information I've been given confidentially - at work, through hobbies, or from friends. I wouldn't break a confidence just so I could say 'I've told dh everything I know on a daily basis', and nor would / does he. WOuldn't respect him at all if he did.

Sorry I think my OP wasn’t specific enough. I meant things that you’d deliberately keep from your partner. Busy lives do make it difficult to pass on all information, but that isn’t purposeful.

And deliberately for personal reasons, not about breaking someone else’s confidence.

TheGiggleLoop I think deckoff’s got it spot on:

But to clarify, when I said we share everything, I didn't mean we narrate every moment of existence to each other like loo trips and so on. That would be fairly difficult to achieve I think, and didn't seem to me to be the spirit of the question in the OP.

I would never deliberately keep anything back or hide anything, and I think if that’s what you are doing, you can never be fully connected to your partner.

Haven't RTFT, but the title caught my eye ...

if my wife and I had not been completely open, we'd have split ... Her DM (my MiL - now NC for us both) had managed to get between us using my insecurities, and my wifes position as her "BFF".

Funnily enough, I was remembering this, earlier. One incident (and not the most way out, by a long chalk) was to tell me that my wife thought I was getting a bit chubby ... of course my wife would never say anything to me. So I started going swimming regularly (swimming is the one sport/activity I'm actually pretty good at).

Then MiL commented to my wife "Oh, DGs suddenly got interested in getting fitter ... are you sure he's not having an affair."

Unfortunately for MiL, my wife and I talk - about everything (I hope ) and I was immediately able to say that it was because MiL had said that my wife had said ... my wife immediately refuted it. In hindsight (and luckily) she didn't tackle MiL over it, and we just wrote it off as an odd thing.

Because back then, Mumsnet didn't exist with the wealth of knowledge that means we now know MiL was narcissistic, controlling, abusive, and batshit crazy. Which finally manifested itself in an aggravated assault (hence NC).

I like to think our honesty "innoculated" our relationship against the poison.

By the way, it's not true - not in the slightest - that I use MN for therapy .

This is a total off topic question so sorry but why do dads come on a site for mums? I don't understand.

Yes we do- past and present

This is a total off topic question so sorry but why do dads come on a site for mums? I don't understand.

Same reasons non mums do