Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

'I'm a good listener and give good advice'
Samaritans missing a trick here

Primark thankfully What would be disqualified from being one as you are not allowed to tell anyone (even your No.1 dh) what you hear.

@WhatToDo

I don't think it is naive at all telling a friend problems or issues. I think sharing with someone you trust (or think you can trust) us good for you and can dramatically reduce suicide or severe mental health problems. Normally a person who feels they cannot share with anyone and is bottling up because their afraid of being seen as 'naive ' is very unhappy. Personally I think they're brave and hope the 1950s "put up and shut up" attitude can be diminished

It's odd to tell your DH/DP everything. DH and I are honest but honesty doesn't mean giving everything away, it means being truthful with what you do give away.

"so there’s no reason for anyone to worry about confiding in me, and thankfully they don’t."

Because, as you have already said, they don't know that you go running off to blab their secrets to someone else. Absolutely despicable. You don't even tell them you're incapable of keeping confidentiality.

We're flogging a dead horse with that one Bernard, What hasn't the courage of her convictions to be honest with her friends nor the respect for them to give them the choice as to whether they want their secrets shared with her disinterested husband.

as before - speak for yourself
That reply doesn't make any sense.

What hasn't the courage of her convictions to be honest with her friends
It's not hard to spot a gossip you know.

@Bertram

That's rather victim blaming though...it's friends fault for confiding her problems to a 'trusted' friend ....definitely not the fault of the person who has to blab everything to DH whether he's bothered about it or not

I have neither the time nor the inclination to be a Samaritan, not that that’s really relevant Of course you expect confidentially there, just as you would at a doctors.

LittleMissUnreasonable I don’t bottle things up; I have two or three good people I can confide in if needs be. Thankfully nothing yet has happened to me that I would need to keep secret; I have no qualms about my friends knowing all about my life. I can’t actually think of anything I’ve deliberately not told them.

I also don’t think they’re naive for sharing their problems; I think they’re naive for expecting it to not go any further particularly when the person they’re sharing with is in a long term committed relationship.

“ have neither the time nor the inclination to be a Samaritan”

Nor at least one of the main requirements,

Nor at least one of the main requirements,

Well as much as you hope they aren’t telling anyone, neither you nor the Samaritans would actually know.

@WhatToDo

Fair enough :) our opinions differ slightly but I must say that you keep repeating that people should expect trust to be betrayed by the other person telling their DP.

Thinking about it from the other perspective... if you and DH broke up ever, and you wanted to confide in your girlfriends and speak to them aboht the ins and outs of your relationship, would you not feel a little hurt they were going back to their DP at the end of the day and having a chin wag about poor old WhatToDo ?

LittleMissUnreasonable No, I wouldn’t be annoyed. If we divorced it would be public knowledge anyway 🤷‍♀️

Oh my goodness if I shared with a trusted friend about my mental health issues, which for most people are extremely sensitive about, I would be very very annoyed to think that person went off to tell their dp. That is just a big no no! Please what I really really urge you tell your friend and be honest with them if they come to you with a mental health issue that you will be telling your dh. If they yes that's absolutely fine then great! But please give them that choice!

The ins and outs of a divorce are not public knowledge.

BackToThe90s You can urge all you like. A thread on forum isn’t going to change anything. As long as my friends issues don’t become public or common knowledge then I’m okay with that.

Oh and I still wouldn’t be annoyed.

You don't know if you dh is telling other people "in general conversation " at work, his mates etc. After all, your friends don't know you blab so you don't know he doesn't blab too.

Just because you don't mind everyone knowing your business doesn't mean everyone does.

BackToThe90s We work at the same place and mostly have the same friends, so if he was telling people, it would be pretty obvious. Since that has never occurred in our entire relationship, I don’t need to worry about it.

@BackToThe90s

WhatToDo isnt bothered.... as long as her DH knows everything so she can feel she is not keeping one single morsel from him, relevant of whether or not he is bothered, is all that matters.... she says as long as 'I'm okay with that' and 'it doesn't matter to me ...well of course it doesn't it's her bloody DH but she seems to not give a damn if DH knows who's on Prozac and who's having a tricky divorce as long as she's told him absolutely EVERYTHING . It's all very selfish

LittleMissUnreasonable I don’t tell him so I don’t “feel like I’m not keeping anything from him”. I tell him because it evolves naturally in conversation.

You sound like you have a lot to learn

@WhatToDo

Well from what you're said it sounds like he isn't that bothered.

My DP will ask how 'friend' is when we meet up. I'll say "she's having a difficult time at the moment" and he will just say he hopes she's okay and will not pry nor will I divulge. I would feel uncomfortable gossiping about friends to DP