Do you tell your partner everything?

[Todayisanewday75]

I’m interested. Someone said on another thread that a lot of people have a darker side that no one knows about. I’ve realised lately that DP has sides to him that he doesn’t/won’t talk about and listening to friends talk about their relationships there seem to be so many secrets and lies.
But I’ve thought about it and while there are things I wouldn’t tell anyone else there isn’t anything I wouldn’t tell DP. Am I a bit simple or naive or are there really any completely open and honest relationships?

Primarkismyonlyoption It’s not just a site for mums; it’s a site for everyone with the target demographic being parents (hence the tagline being ‘by parents for parents’).

I’m not a parent; I’ve still been a regular user for a long time.

We have spoke about or past in a little detail. If she asked is answer honestly and I believe the same is true if the roles were reversed.

In the other hand I completely get why you may not want to share your history. As long as it works for you.

Oh I'm I dad and I'm here for the advice and "robust" discussions. Hope that's ok with you Primarismyonlyoption

Maybe because the tag line at the top says by parents for parents.(not by mums for mums.
And Male parents don’t have an equivalent site.

No. We are not the same person.

If a friend confided relationship issues to me then it's confided TO ME. Not me and DH.

I can't stand couples who have the single person identity going on. DH and I are separate people with separate friendships with separate hobbies. We just happen to be married to each other.

Plus the people who do the 'we have no secrets' are either nauseatingly obsessed with being seen as a unit (e.g. think single person invites mean bring OH) or there's trust issues there somewhere

Ok no judgement as am interested
Just seems a contradiction to the usual MN stance of having spaces for women to talk. I would find it weird to join a dadsnet site and it wouldnt register imo. I do think men move into womens arenas much more than the other way round.
But not critical it just seems odd to me.
And there are much more men who comment in the sex topics, than to the rest of the site. Its an interesting point. I would like to see a women only forum but i guess you cant see behind peoples screens anyway.

Yes Maisy I hate that too. It is generally women who spout the 'we have no secrets' line. I am an individual, not x's partner. My friend got married and everytine i went round they were sat holding hands. I stopped going and they thought i was horrible.

Deck i suppose what i find odd is that you can never ever say what your OH is sharing and as women it can make is vulnerable to not keep anything of ourselves back. Same when people say their husband is their best friend. Dangerous imo.

Primarkismyonlyoption You may see it as “dangerous” and “naive”, but I just thank my lucky stars I’m not so cynical and suspicious to the point it makes me hold back in my marriage.

I wouldn’t have married DH if I didn’t want to share my all with him. Of course there’s the possibility of things going sour, but I’ll always be happier knowing I gave my all to someone than if I only lived a half marriage, which essentially is what anyone who is holding back is doing.

There’s really no point in getting married to someone if you have every intention of deliberately withholding part of yourselves from them.

Perhaps. Or perhaps its because of my marrige that I feel like that. I inwardly judge brides as pathetic and dread my daughter wanting to marry. I suppose we are guided by our experiences.

deckoff
I don't consider keeping my friends' confidence the same as keeping secrets from DH.
They are not my secrets to share.

Hear hear Maisy

Primarkismyonlyoption Then yes, you are jaded by your experience and judgemental about people wanting to share their lives with someone they love.

Just because your marriage didn’t work out, doesn’t mean everyone’s doesn’t. Your nastiness and judgement comes from a place of jealousy because it didn’t work out for you, and while that is sad, it’s no reason to be so vitriolic about everyone else.

Er not nasty anymore than you saying anyone without your magical connection is disadvantaged. Everyone judges even you calling people cynical and suspicious. Amd I am certainly, 100% not jealous of you!!! Wow this connection thing where you have each other's all sure is something...

Not my kids private things, or my friends private things or some of my private things.
I doubt he'd be interested, we're not that chatty-chatty anyway.
It works for us - we're happy I think.

Nah.

As a pp said, keep 10% to yourself.

Plus the people who do the 'we have no secrets' are either nauseatingly obsessed with being seen as a unit (e.g. think single person invites mean bring OH) or there's trust issues there somewhere

^Nonsense. I don’t hide anything from my partner past and present. Nothing to do with trust issues whatsoever.

I'd say Primark is practical and informed, not nasty and judgemental.

Lots of people are too into the knight in shining armour myth for my liking. Life's just not like that.

Primarkismyonlyoption I’m not personally attacking anyone. You have called people naive and pathetic and saying they’re putting themselves in dangerous situations.

That is massively different to me saying if you don’t give your all to someone I don’t believe you can have a full connection. I also don’t believe I’ve called anyone cynical and suspicious; IIRC I said that I was glad I wasn’t cynical and suspicious.

I also never said you were jealous of me. But I do believe that your name calling and judgement, particularly of happy brides going into a marriage, does come from being jealous you’ve not got that, which is of course only natural.

Lots of people are too into the knight in shining armour myth for my liking. Life's just not like that.

You can think it’s a myth if you want, but DH and I have been exceptionally happy for the last thirteen years. We’ve supported each other through a lot and love each other more every day.

I don't share everything no. Marriage to me doesn't mean I'm not one in the same person as him.

I'm generally guarded in what I share in general to people.

My family of origin are very close knit ...his isn't so much...so things concerning my family ...siblings and parents...I don't share....because we're on different pages in that respect.

I can't understand people who yell their DH what they've been told in confidence. I'd definitely limit my conversation with such friends.

No way I tell my Dh everything, even though he is my besr friend. I has a darknpaat, he knows bits but there is loads he doesn't need to know.

From my current life.. We share lots bur does he need to know about day to day work rubbish, my friends intimate details, etc don't think so... We talk about most things but I have a big part of me that's just me but then again I am.complex person with dark past and huge personality so other people might be much more straightforward forward!!

I'm honestly trying to think of a time when a friend has told me something so secret or confidential that I couldn't share with DH and failing

Are you for real?! How about respecting your friends' privacy? The relationship is with you, not your DH. This is a dealbreaker for me. I could never be friends with someone and confide in them knowing that they blab everything to their DH. As someone earlier on this thread said, these are not your secrets to share.