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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is going to hurt

279 replies

WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 18:53

I shouldn't be posting because it's too raw but I've got no-one else to talk to.

Boyfriend, been with him for nearly a year, I adore him so does my DD.

He was out drinking all day yesterday, I met him in our local before going to town with the girls. He was kissing me, telling me he loved me.

I was going home to his house, got in about 1.30. My key wouldn't work. His was in the other side.

I shouted, he came to the window and let me in.

I walked in the living room and there was a white thong on the floor. I walked out of the house, round the back to see some old slapper clambering over the wall.

He was drunk, he's sorry etc etc

The pain is physical, I feel like someone is kicking me in the stomach over and over again,

I close my eyes and see him in the bathroom with his head in his hands, then I see me, him and my DD in bed together yesterday morning trying to give the biggest hugs.

Please please someone tell me this isn't my fault and the pain will go

OP posts:
Dottydot · 29/04/2007 18:55

WB - I'm so, so sorry. Is this the first time something like this has happened? Is there any possible reason/excuse (it's inexcusable, i know, but is there any rationality behind it?). Thinking of you.

berolina · 29/04/2007 18:56

Oh Boris. I'm so sorry. How utterly horrible.

I don't know about the pain, as I've never had the misfortune to be in this situation, but it is certainly NOT your fault.

Got to go now but will be back later. xxx
(it's FiT back in her original name, btw)

Tommy · 29/04/2007 18:56

oh god - really sorry to hear this.

It definitely isn't your fault and the pain will go.

Hope you're OK there

collision · 29/04/2007 18:56

oh honey of course it isnt your fault.

You must feel awful.

Have you kicked him out?

What does he say about it.

You poor poor thing.

rantinghousewife · 29/04/2007 18:56

It is NOT your fault and yes, the pain will go but not for a while. The only person who made him take that trollop home is him. I'm really sorry.

anorak · 29/04/2007 18:57

Oh you poor thing. All I can say is that relationships can recover from this sort of thing, and that you will feel better. Of course it will take time and it will hurt. I really hope you can work things out together.

((((hugs)))) and an offer of support. xx

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 18:57

He just says he was drunk he was sorry.

I love him so so much, all I've ever done is try to make him happy. My daughter loves him, his daughter loves me. We spend all weekends togehter usually as a family.

I can't stop crying I really cant

OP posts:
marthamoo · 29/04/2007 18:58

Oh WB, I'm so sorry.

collision · 29/04/2007 18:59

Can you forgive him and move on?

Would counselling help you both?

Drinking too much is no excuse. Silly man. Why would he jeopardise so much for a cheap bit of sex?

Dottydot · 29/04/2007 18:59

Drunk really is a crap reason... I'm so sorry.

mylittlestar · 29/04/2007 18:59

Oh god I don't know what to say

That pain is horrendous but it does get easier.

Deep down do you feel that this is a one off stupid mistake? Could you trust him again or did you already have suspicions?

You can and will get through this. It's up to you if you want to do that with, or without him though.

Thinking of you xx

LucyJones · 29/04/2007 18:59

I agree with Anorak. I had a couple of things happen when I was in the early years of being with dh. he forgave me and we moved on and now we're still togther and married. It can all work out if you both want it too

Dottydot · 29/04/2007 19:00

Maybe you need to try and not see him for a while - make him realising what he's just jeopardised? (I'm getting on your behalf now...).

Nbg · 29/04/2007 19:00

Oh god Welshy

I want to give you a big hug.

I know you might not think so atm but at some point you'll be glad you saw what you did.

littlelapin · 29/04/2007 19:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dottydot · 29/04/2007 19:01

I agree that hopefully it's fixable, but I think he needs to wake up and realise what he's going to lose/nearly lost just by getting ratted. And just how much he's hurt you.

Boco · 29/04/2007 19:01

Oh no Boris that's terrible

It's absolutely in no way at all your fault. It's his fault, he was weak and stupid and he messed up.

You have to remember it won't always feel like this, you're probably going to feel really sad and really angry and hurt and let down, but you will feel better.

God what an idiot he is

speccy · 29/04/2007 19:02

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Nbg · 29/04/2007 19:02

Am sorry if people think I'm wrong for saying this and I'm sorry if I upset you by saying it
but
him getting pissed is no excuse for what he has done.

SherlockLGJ · 29/04/2007 19:03

Get your walking boots on, one incident in isolation.

Two..................forget it.

If you were ever unfortunate to marry this pathetic excuse for a man, you would then be the little woman at home whilst he takes his shag needs on tour.

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:03

If he had waited another hour he could have had sex with me, he knew I was coming home.

What has she got that I haven't?

I have never had any reason not to trust him before, he told me all the time that he loved me and that he was lucky to have me.

She was more his age though, maybe thats it

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 29/04/2007 19:04

I wonder how such a wonderful man, was so available.

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:05

Yeah thanks LGJ really supportive

OP posts:
littlelapin · 29/04/2007 19:06

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Dottydot · 29/04/2007 19:06

I suppose it's down to whether you think you can forgive him and move on in the relationship? Has it happened before? Don't know what the age gap is but whatever it is, you're together (and I know 3 couples with age gaps of 15+ years) and it shouldn't make a blind bit of difference.

Don't give him any excuses like age or whatever - he's been a complete and utter arse and it's whether you can forgive him and think it can be fixed.