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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

This is going to hurt

279 replies

WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 18:53

I shouldn't be posting because it's too raw but I've got no-one else to talk to.

Boyfriend, been with him for nearly a year, I adore him so does my DD.

He was out drinking all day yesterday, I met him in our local before going to town with the girls. He was kissing me, telling me he loved me.

I was going home to his house, got in about 1.30. My key wouldn't work. His was in the other side.

I shouted, he came to the window and let me in.

I walked in the living room and there was a white thong on the floor. I walked out of the house, round the back to see some old slapper clambering over the wall.

He was drunk, he's sorry etc etc

The pain is physical, I feel like someone is kicking me in the stomach over and over again,

I close my eyes and see him in the bathroom with his head in his hands, then I see me, him and my DD in bed together yesterday morning trying to give the biggest hugs.

Please please someone tell me this isn't my fault and the pain will go

OP posts:
Nbg · 29/04/2007 19:07

Dont go down that road of "what has she got" welshy.
She doesnt. Simple.

The fact of the matter is, he didnt wait till you got back. He prefered to go out and get someone else and feck the consequences.

I'd have bloody strung him and her by the neck with her bloody thong.

littlelapin · 29/04/2007 19:08

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

SherlockLGJ · 29/04/2007 19:08

Sorry Boris, thought you wanted the truth.

It is not your fault,but then you know that.

So what do you want us to do, tell you there, there , and watch you sink into a horrendous relationship ?

Dottydot · 29/04/2007 19:08

Sorry, I'm trying to hold back on the insults and anger 'cos I feel angry on your behalf. But am also sensing you're not feeling angry (yet?) - hence the questions about whether you think it's fixable - at the end of the day it's your relationship and nobody knows (definitely not us lot anyway!) how it is for you both. Lots of support whatever you end up deciding.

QueenofTarts · 29/04/2007 19:08

Message deleted

WigWamBam · 29/04/2007 19:08

Oh, Boris. Nothing constructive to say but I'm so sorry. And it's definitely not your fault.

Shit, what a bastard.

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:10

I was in total shock, I never ever would have believed that he could have cheated on me. Ever.

I am 25, he is 39.

I don't know her, she came into our local pub when I left. She is a friend of one the regulars exwives. Or something like that.

I don't know what I want I just needed someone to talk to.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 29/04/2007 19:11

Boris

I have met you.

You are stunning, you are a beautiful young lady and a lovely person. I am sorry if I upset you, but you are to good too nice to settle for a compromise candidate.

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:11

It's too raw to even consider looking at him DottyDot, I doubt I'll take him back though.

Alcohol is no excuse, I've been drunk on many occasions and turned down many many offers. Because I loved him.

OP posts:
mylittlestar · 29/04/2007 19:13

You don't need to make any decisions right now.

If you love him and decide to forgive him that is up to you.

She has got nothing on you. And he has absolutely no excuse. But if there is anything positive to come out of this, the way you react now could give him the kick up the arse he needs to realise that he needs to earn your love and respect, and he will be bloody lucky if you give him that chance.

unknownrebelbang · 29/04/2007 19:13

Not your fault.

Age is irrelevant.

Sorry for you, you must be hurting so much.

mummytosteven · 29/04/2007 19:13

It's not your fault. He sounds like a bit of an inconsiderate twat. Of course if he is prepared to 1)admit he is in the wrong and 2)make an effort to sort his behaviour out then this is fixable if that's what you want.

QueenofTarts · 29/04/2007 19:14

Message deleted

DarrellRivers · 29/04/2007 19:14

He sounds an idiot to risk all those things for a quick fumble.
You sound so much like you deserve better than that sort of crap
good luck

SaintGeorge · 29/04/2007 19:16

Shit WB

So sorry. If you want to ring me to cry or rant at a voice instead of a screen, I think you have my number.

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:16

My daughter

I said as soon as I split with her dad that I wouldn't let anyone into her life because I didn't want her getting attached to them and then hurt.

But I did. I am so at myself and so for her.

OP posts:
pinkchampagne · 29/04/2007 19:16

Oh how horrible for you WB, I'm so sorry.
I have been through this myself & it hurts like nothing on earth, I know.
It is not your fault at all & I'm so sorry you are going through this.xx

Nbg · 29/04/2007 19:17

Dont be angry with yourself Welshy!
Its not your fault.

Theres only one person you should be angry with. Even more so not just for hurting you but for hurting your dd.

mylittlestar · 29/04/2007 19:18

Dont be angry at yourself - direct it all at him.

Is he around? Is he trying to talk to you or explain or make amends?

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:19

I am in my house, have turned my phone off.

My brother came to my house and seen the state I was in, he wants to go and beat him up. Life is so simple for a 17yr old full of testerone.

OP posts:
Nbg · 29/04/2007 19:23

Awww bless him.
Dont let him though!

mylittlestar · 29/04/2007 19:23

I don't blame your brother for feeling that way.

Anyone close by who you could go and see or who could come and stay with you and open a bottle of wine... just to get through the evening. Then get a good night's sleep and see how you feel tomorrow.

If I'm close by I'll come! Have a bottle of wine and chocolates waiting... xx

Original poster
WelshBoris · 29/04/2007 19:23

I'm not going to.

I feel drained now, I can't possibly cry anymore.

OP posts:
SherlockLGJ · 29/04/2007 19:25

Boris

I apolgise if I have upset you, but tomorrow you will feel differently about my posts.

QV left here about half an hour ago, so allowing for travel and putting children to bed, she should be on line a bout 10.00 ish

NotQuiteCockney · 29/04/2007 19:26

Sweetie, you deserve so much better than this. You know that.

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