The straw that broke the camel's back?

[smileygrapefruit]

Has anyone ever ended an otherwise very happy and loving marriage over something quite small because you just can't take it anymore and the same thing keeps happening despite promises that it won't happen again?

A disregard for your feelings and an endless string of broken promises are not small things.

Like not putting their dirty cup in the dishwasher???

Sounds like it's not something small at all?

I ended my 1st marriage when he commented that I "looked like shit"
This was due to me working FT, doing all the childcare including disturbed/short nights, cleaning, cooking and washing etc and that was just it

In my experience, something small is usually indicative of something larger. The ‘otherwise very happy’ usually only because you fit in with them.

Its never really a small issue though, its indicative of your whole relationship

It wouldn't be the straw that broke the camel's back if the camel wasn't pretty knackered already... IYSWIM

Ok so when I say it's a small thing, it's obviously not to me but it happens about 4 times a year only and I can hand on heart say the rest of the time is brilliant, amazing dad, loving husband, incredibly supportive of everything I do or want to do, works his arse off etc etc.

Might help if you told us what it is? Obviously a big difference between leaving the toilet seat up and having an affair.....

Depends on the overall relationship and what it is

Really depends what it is

He told me that if I went out, not to bother coming home. So I did exactly that. This was after years of emotional abuse and control.

If he's promised he won't do again, and does it four times a year, that's a bit of a bummer.

It is indeed the straw that broke the camels back. When are you leaving?

Really does depend if I had a partner who went out came back utterly pissed and useless the next day with vomit/peeing etc I would be near the edge tbh!

Very simplified version. I suffer with anxiety and cannot sleep until he is home. He goes out drinking and says he'll be home at such and such time then is an hour to 4 hours (last night) later than he said and uncontactable (phone died last night which I checked was true but he could have borrowed a mates). If he would just call or text to let me know that would be fine but it's like the brilliant father and husband reverts to thinking he's a teenager again. Like I say, it only happens a few times a year and the rest of the time is great. If it wasn't I wouldn't be in this predicament because it would be an easy decision to end it.

Thanks Random. That was once and the worst and probably the cause of my anxiety. He wasn't even very drunk last night. Just very late.

I would find that rude and disrespectful but it wouldn't make me want to leave of everything else is great.

I think you need to work on your own issues around this anxiety and its not reasonable to expect your partner to cater to what is essentially your problem.

When my partner goes out, I go to bed at my usual time, don't care what time he gets home. I would find it quite controlling if my partner needed constant updates and would need to wait up for me. He's an adult not a child.

Don't mean to sound harsh but I think you need to sort this out through some therapy not expect your partner to change

So your husband goes out once every 3 months and comes home a bit later than he originally said and you want to end a perfectly happy marriage because of that?! Are you seriously considering it because if you are you really need your head checking!
In all likelihood he’s probably just having fun and chatting with his mates and losing track of time, it’s hardly divorce worthy! If he was doing it 4 times a week I can see why you’d lose your rag but 4 times a YEAR?
Honestly... good men and happy marriages seem to be rare things. My mind boggles

I would find it quite controlling if my partner needed constant updates and would need to wait up for me. He's an adult not a child
She's not asking for constant updates. I'm not an anxious waiter-upper but 4 hours late is reasonable cause for concern for anyone without her anxiety.

That said, I wouldn't end my marriage over it but I'd be annoyed

I agree with pp. This is really your issue. Would you cope better if he said he didn't know what time he'd be home because it depended on how the evening turned out? If I were your dp, I'd find it v irritating to feel that I had a deadline and had to keep an eye on the clock on the very rare occasions that I went out with my mates.

Thanks Breakfast. I'm not asking for constant updates, just a quick text if he's going to be late. I really can't see that as controlling. If I said he couldn't go then that would be controlling!
And yes I know I've got issues but surely I'm not asking a lot of him to help me in this way?
This is why I didn't post details originally, because people will call me a control freak etc but I can't help how I feel and I feel like he's totally disregarded my feelings.

cannot sleep until he is home

OK, this is something that you need to address - bluntly, if I had a partner who claimed that he couldn't sleep unless I was there I would feel controlled and like he was a child who needed looking after, not an adult.