If your DH/DP had an affair would you like to know?

[niteandfog]

Just as simple as that. (full disclosure, I'm the OW by the way and have all the evidence). I don't think I'll ever tell her, but sometimes I feel she deserves to know.

I think it's hard for the OW to realise how normal the marriage can be once the guy gets home. Obviously he might slag her off to you, but at home he's probably quite loving, funny, chatty and enjoying a reasonable sex life. None of which things he'll be sharing with another woman.

It's not your place to tell his wife. I would expect my friends to tell me, if they knew, but I can think of few things more humiliating than being told about an affair by the OW. It's cruel beyond belief.

She may well have an idea but chooses not to do or say anything. Very rarely is someone clueless about an adulterous partner.

I have been the other woman, he kept promising to leave his wife and kids and when two years later he still hadn't, i ending it and told her.
I've never seen a woman look so happy, she has spent the last two years thinking she was going crazy, she suspected it but never had any proof.

I would want to know.

I’d 100% want to know but I doubt I’d want to hear it from you. Your motivation for telling me would be self-serving at best.

What above poster says. Your side of the story is really only your side. And the husband will have lied to you, too. It’s not like you have omnivsion of all that’s going on. If you were to tell her you would be cruel towards another human being beyond belief. It’s not your job to do so. You know the pain you would inflict. True, the wife owes you nothing but have it out with the man who lied to you rather than go for the inoccent party.

If you go and blow the whistle, never underestimate karma.

Meant my brilliant disguise as above poster *

MyBrilliantDisguise I know that they don't do much after dinner, nor go out on Friday/Saturday. He's mostly glued to the phone with me. He's actually never said his married life is awful he has implied it, but never really fully complained. And I wouldn't tell her directly, I would probably tell a friend we have in common who I'm sure would tell her. Either that or printout the screenshots and post them.

welshmist she's jealous of me but because of his own stupidity.

I would want to know op....and i really would not care who told me.I would not want to waste another second with him and i would tell you to
have him. How long have you been seeing him? Has he told you he has any intentions of leaving?

I'd want to know. But it would feel like more of a kick in the stomach coming from the ow. If the ow told me it's would add insult to injury I think. It would feel like you were gloating.

@motherfiver pretty much that's why I'd do it, but I wouldn't wait two years, I wouldn't wait for more than 9 months total.

Sorry does the his wife know about you? How is she jealous ?

You sound really nice OP

Also confused. Does she know about.you if she's jealous? Does she need telling or already know

Does the 9 month time limit suggest you're pregnant?

That is what i thought debbs77

I would want to know but not by you . You sound proud and gloating and a bit of a bitch. Congratulations on being a shag on the side!

Yep, I’d want to know I was being cheated on. I wouldn’t care who told me. His bags would be at the end of the garden before sundown.

I would tell her. Yes it's rotten to be told by the OW, but if that's the only option then so be it. Let get out and her move on with her life.

Affairs are so self-centred and horrible but the cruelest bit is the stringing one person along, letting them think they are living a real life when in fact it's all tripe and they are being quietly screwed over being their back. The longer it goes on, the more it will mess her up and ruin any future relationships (trust issues, suspicion, jealousy etc). One of you needs to toughen up and let her know.

@niteandfog you sound horrendous

Oh no, I'm not proud. But he's done things that to even to me sounds despicable (and I guess you can include me in that as well).

and well, we used to interact on social media.... He once told me I looked nice or pretty can't remember and liked almost EVERYTHING I posted. So he stopped... and I've been mentioned as potentially the OW. Her sister always sneers at me, so thats sums it up.

So if she finds out, from you or someone else, and you get together (romantic love story to tell your friends or (God forbid) children) do you really believe he won't cheat on you too?

You sound like a damaged young lady. He will not leave his wife. You are simply a hole to him.

Bad enough you are the OW now you want to tell her?? I agree she needs to know but not by you. What do you hope to achieve by telling that he'll come running into your arms

I would absolutely not want to know unless it was something worth breaking the marriage up for.

OP, you sound deluded. If he lies to his wife, he will lie to you. You are giving him his cake, and letting him eat it. The fact that you are already sleeping with someone else's husband, and are now thinking about how to twist the knife (because, let's be honest, he is hardly going to ride off into the sunset with you, if you kill his home life) shows what a cow you are.

Get some self respect.

I wouldn't (I've learnt my lesson) so why would he? BTW the 9 months is a deadline that he has set himself, no babies involved.