If your DH/DP had an affair would you like to know?

[niteandfog]

Just as simple as that. (full disclosure, I'm the OW by the way and have all the evidence). I don't think I'll ever tell her, but sometimes I feel she deserves to know.

What's over this? The affair? Because it's really not about that. It's mostly about loneliness (total lack of friends / family) and job opportunities.

OP, I would just leave it and start afresh. If you have to give him time to sort himself out it means his marriage is important to him. He is hesitating and messing up with you as well. I would just leave him and start afresh. Regarding your DD, she is just a child. I have two and things I hear from them. Children can be very opinionated regarding politics and tedious as a result. I forgive them because they're young and change. Be for your DD as she may never forgive you for leaving her.

You're gonna be sorely disappointed by this guy. You want to call all the shots but he's dragged his heels so far, hasn't he. Nothing like the present?

He won't do it.

If this is about loneliness, lack of friends and job opportunities then you do not need a married man thrown in the mix! Would you trust him not to cheat on you if he was to leave his wife? It sounds to me like you need to address your mental health issues, join a club or start a hobby to meet new people and start thinking about what job you want and what you need to do to get it. Focus on fixing the things you listed or you will spend your life waiting for him to leave or living a life that depends on him. Build your network, take control of your life and carve a future for you and your daughter

I'm actually speechless. I think you need some sort of intervention immediately as you sound very unwell. As for the MM, he sounds like a creep. It's your DD I feel sorry for. The poor child :(

If i was his wife i would want to know and you telling me would be better than not knowing.. This happy ending you are chasing is very unlikely and to truly feel 23 again you would have to invest your time and energy on being on your own for a while. From a period alone you would realise that only you can make you happy, the past is best not repeated and that let's be honest, if this man really felt like leaving, he would have already moved. No excuses, no dramas, no awkward situations, he would have left by now. I hope you find the right path out of this where you can love yourself instead of him, i know which horse I'd back.....this post isn't a snipe or a goad, its a request to raise the bar for yourself and your mental health.

In answer to your question yes I would want to know. Not by the OW though

Niteandfog

How about you find some morals and sort yourself a bloke out instead of shagging someone elses. It doesnt matter who would rather know. Its not your place.
yy to who said his marriage will be fine. He will enjoy and love having sex with her possibly more than with you. You are a cheap thrill. Pregnant or not.
If you tell her then do but he will likely not leave. The only peoplee losing out will be the kids.
And as for telling her friend, well they probably all know anyway people are never as discreet as they think.
Find your own man and stop wrecking other peoples lives.

As long as nobody knows the truth, what harm can it come from it?

Seriously?

You need to reset your moral compass love.

Sorry for the misunderstanding re your mother.
You do sound very unhappy but I dunno about pinning your hopes on this man who has already showed he is a cheat and a liar.
I’m not the greatest mum in the world but my kids all three off them the first that I had at 17 have always without a doubt been my main focus and there is not a cats chance in hell I would not be there main carer.
I’m sure your kid needs you far more than you seem to think.

Me too.
Your child would rather have you on your very very worst day, than anyone else. Youre worth more than some married lying cheat

Op you need more help. I’m guessing pmdd? I have it, luckily treated but it was awful before.
Do you have any support? Friends?

If I was married to him I would want to know the truth, living a lie isn't fun and she deserves respect and honesty

Well I don't know about my daughter wanting to have me instead of daddy or granny when I'm at my worst :/ She's actually scared of me when it happens so there you go (although there's some cultural diferente to it too)

Littlechocola I have no friends, no family, nobody. Prozac is doing nothing, GP won't refer me to specialist.

Did you not say your mum was supportive and awesome? Or is it that she's not near you and that's why she can't help? Could she come and stay with you a while to help you get through things? You really need support I don't think you are ok.

My mum is an elderly person who lives across an ocean, there's no way she can come and look after me. She has a heart condition and diabetes amongst other things.

There are loads of different types of antidepressants, if Prozac isn’t helping go and ask for something else. Honestly sometimes it’s so hard to feel like you are being a pain etc at the DR but you really should be .
I’m not sure what to say in regards to your daughter apart from think of the respect and love you seem to have for yours .. I’m sure she want always perfect . No one is .

God grammar and spelling .. I’m a little drunk! The love and respect you have for your mum!

I've frankly lost hope with my GP I went on panic attack mode, told them I was suicidal, heard voices etc... And the best they could do was double the Prozac :(

Honestly that’s a shit service , it’s bit the best they can do . Lots of other thing you can try which might help . You have had a shit service.

God sorry I’m drunk nite. I’m sorry however I work in mental health. Prozac tends to be the first thing they give you but there are loads of other medications you could try which might help . Not just a working view but a personal view . Amongst all your posting I just really wish the connection with your child was the most improved thing as in my personal view that’s the most important part of life .

OP this has happened to me.
The OW TOLD A 'friend' who gave evidence to y best friend to give to me.
You have no idea how humiliating it was to have my friends know before me and for them to have to sit and tell me.
Not only did my marriage break up but I almost lost my friendships as they felt guilty and I shut myself off as I was embarrassed.
Do me a favour, if you want to tell her have the courage of your conviction and tell her yourself.
The OW in my situation blurred out her face and name in all the evidence so kept her privacy whilst blowing up my life.
I'm sorry if this sounds harsh but I've been there and it hurts.
I would also add, my exh and I had a normal married life not the bullshit story he fed to the OW and when the shit hit the fan I decided I don't want to be with a lying cheating manipulator when he begged to come home.

I'm pretty speechless. I can't fathom the energy to respond with what I wanted to.

You sound horrid, you sound like you just want him and not his children.

Also, he deserves to know about your mental health

Affair aside I'm not a horrid person. And I do want the whole package, but there are days that so simply can't cope. And yes he deserves to know I agree... But I had a emotionally abusive husband for the past 9 years that only made my situation worse, so finally being away from him will hopefully give me peace.