NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

What a lovely start Sweet. And we are so proud of you too xx Day 7 for me today and can't wait to check in for Day 8 tomorrow!

So good she started it twice ;)

Ah ha ha Itsa

FFS ignore the other one...I’m clearly high on comfort foods...

Thanks for this x

Well that is a good thing to hear sweetberries

It's a great thing to hear

Any experienced nc’s know when the sm stalking ends? I’m on nc19. Easy to not message now, but still look on sm.
How do you respond to the vague messages such as ‘hello’ etc, when they haven’t done anything specifically wrong, but you know the ‘friendship’ is unhealthy for you?

You all sound a lot brighter too.

Rhubarb I am the same with the sm checking. It is a really hard habit to break. We are all so addicted to our phones anyway. You could delete I suppose but I have not been able to do that. I am hoping
that it will just stop over time, less and less

I haven't had one of those messages this year and probably won't again, I think he's moved on :( but I like to think I'll just ignore it if I do get one. I have never been able to before but this time (the time that will never come) I will!! How do you normally respond rhubarb? Do you engage?

Hello again ladies

Hello appella hope you're doing ok today

I hope in time the sm stalking fades. That is when I will genuinely feel that it is behind me.
I do seem to end up engaging with the vague ‘hellos’ he sends. It’s hard not to, but then I just get drawn back into being his emotional crutch with little in return.
He had been away with work, but I suspect when he returns soon I will receive the predictable crumby text. This will be the longest I won’t have spoken with him. It feels quite good and I certainly don’t want to waste all the work I’ve done so far.

@Rhubarb - The only way I could NOT stalk was to block him from my FB. I’m lucky in that it’s the only social media he has. I get tempted to unblock but I know that it will only damage me. There’s only pain to be gained from it. Especially when we have no intention of nurturing any form of friendship with the person, at least for now.

I blocked him everywhere except WhatsApp. That’s where I get the ‘how are you’ messages and brief messages about what he’s been up to. I find them easier to delete now because I know he doesn’t actually care - he’s doing it to assuage his guilt and/or get attention because he misses the interaction we used to have. This applies to you guys too - they do not DESERVE that interaction. If they are not healthy for you, you don’t need a reason to cut them out. You just do. Protect yourself self above all things. Xx

Hello appella. How are you doing? Heard anything?

You’re right sweet. They do not deserve that interaction or friendship privilege, where they get attention and to offload their life on. It doesn’t seem fair and it does drain my energy. I just feel it’s rude to not reply if someone messages. Silly I know. I need a kick up my backside.

And yes, eating is hard but I’m going to really push myself this week. I have to. My therapist is concerned that I’m going to end up hospitalised soon and where on earth would that leave my DS? So no. I choose not to die. I choose to force myself to eat. No thanks to HIM. However, just goes to show that if I will overcome a 20 year strong eating disorder without the only person I’ve ever REALLY opened up to about it, we can do ANYTHING.

Hello from me😊
Nothing to report apart that I didn't dream of my NC last night 😂
But I think I'm in a good place now, I detached myself from him emotionally, I accepted there won't be a relationship and if he wants to initiate contact for friendship, that's totally ok with me.
If he will not initiate, it's fine too.
My life is a bit of a mess atm. I started NC with one guy but somehow managed to get in touch with 2 significant exes, and it's been total disaster. I'm in NC with both of them now again.

@Rhubarbginn - Be rude. Are you telling me he’s never been inconsiderate or rude towards you when you didn’t deserve it? I’m guessing he has. And he does deserve this. He’s not healthy for you and there are reasons for that. Use those reasons to remind yourself why replying doesn’t have to be essential.

Hi ladies, great start sweets.
8 days NC but not that he replied anyway. I want to stop the sm stalking too. It's like an itch that has to be scratched.

anxiousnow it's a pity we can't invent an antihistamine cream for it..I think we would be millionaires!

I’m hanging onto the idea that it will fade anxious. I think forcing myself to stop will not work as I’ll just rebel against myself

I really want this dickhead out of my head!

@Rhubarbginn - Time will make him leave your head. I promise. That’s all it takes. Time. It’s also the hardest thing to take because it involves waiting. Blocking will force it but if you aren’t ready, you’re right about it not working. Give it 5 days. Then see how you feel about blocking him. If not ready give it another 5 days. Eventually you will think ‘screw this, I don’t care anymore’ and that will be it. But it just takes the time. Xx