NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Hi all!
Just checking in. Thats great Oldbook keep it up . . .

Thanks for the new thread sweet, lovely introduction.

Just checking in on day 18. Still not sure whether will respond, will take my time deciding. One option is to try the 'not initiating' approach, but I suspect even that will escalate quite quickly.

Actually I know what I should do, which is tell him I am cutting contact. If I do that I'm pretty sure he will leave me alone (partly respect and partly pride), but there's still part of me which is reluctant to finally cut off the supply of...attention and excitement I guess. Will keep pondering.

Well done Oldbook and Belonger. Checking in for Day 8. For any SM stalkers. I've set myself a goal of just checking his status 3 times a day. Am hoping eventually the need will just fade away.

Well I'm a bit embarrassed about this but want to share as a warning! I finally replied with nothing but an emoji, thought I'd send a crumb. And guess what? Since I sent it and despite having felt really strong on 18 days NC, I'm finding myself repeatedly checking checking checking to see if he's got it and if there's a reply! I'm shocked by how immediately I'm back in that vulnerable and horrible place.

So...my dabble in contact tells me to back away and get back to NC! I'd encourage you to learn from my little experiment🙄

He's reluctantly agreed to meet Wednesday but I'm not sure if he will or not. The way he's being means it's definitely over which is killing me, but I just need to stay positive about life in general because I really can't deal with wallowing right now, and I know it won't make things any better. It's hard when you think 'he's the one!!' And everything seems so easy and wonderful and then one argument happens and it's gone
If he was the one though, if I was his one, he would forgive me.

Itsalottery genius idea an antihistamine love it. You would be rich and then could embarrass him everytime you were interviewed on how you made your fortune.

rhubard it's good to be a rebel but yes maybe not in this situation. It is a strange link to them but doesn't make me feel happier checking.

sweets the 5 days idea is good
oldbrook hopefully in a month you will feel stronger and the social occasion won't cause as much stress. It hurts so much I do understand the fear.
NK limiting to 3 times then reducing is another great idea.
belonger sorry the emoji has back fired on you.
appella glad he has agreed to meet. You are right, one argument shouldn't stop him loving you. He is being cruel punishing you this way. Imagine staying with him and being made to feel like this every single time you do something he doesn't like.

Today I keep thinking of going to his house. I haven't done that at all since he ghosted me. I don't know if he lives there. I don't think his landlord would be happy plus either way I would be upset. If he was there I would freak, if he's moved I would freak but I really want to know.

Anxious exactly, I'm going to channel this hurt into DIGNITY not begging

Checking in on Day 4. Deleted his ‘how are you, I’m so tired from London’ crumb last night. I honestly don’t care. Don’t tell me you miss talking to me then leave it 3 days before talking to me, basically! Not unless we are established friends, because obviously that’s different.

Fool me once shame on you etc.

@Oldbook - don’t let him stop you going to this social event, obviously. Unless he’s definitely going to be there and it will set you back. You have to weigh up the costs and benefits I guess but I hate the idea of you missing out.

@appella - If he decides not to meet on Wednesday then I would say don’t agree to meet again. If a man can’t commit to you completely then he doesn’t deserve a second chance, let alone all the chances you are wonderfully giving him. I thought my guy was ‘the one’ too, but it isn’t just about how we feel about them...it’s about how they treat us. Would ‘the one’ not even be decent enough to give you an answer about how he feels and leave you guessing like this?

Appella you do sound so much stronger. I agree with sweets if he cancels then he doesn't deserve another chance

sweets well done deleting crumbs. You are also sounding strong today

I am going to be annoying today sorry. The number that I have stalked text my NC on. I honestly don't think he has it. So my texts haven't got to him. He could contact me by other forms if he wanted to but...

I live the idea of a star or victory dance for deleting crumbs!!

Btw, because I only sent an emoji and not actual words, can I keep my count going?? 😊 I don't feel ready to go back to day 1!

Haha, nothing smutty I promise! Just a wave

Yes that sounds a good plan oldbook, delete those damn crumbs!

Dignity, Determination, Deletion!!

Day 2.

I feel like turning my face to the wall and giving up.

I said on Sunday that, as I am only 'recently' back in his life I don't have contact with any of the rest of his circle (VERY small) and I would not know if he was seriously ill (he has been in past) or died (he is older).
He said nothing. Nothing at all.
I don't think he'd care now to have the chance to say 'goodbye' even in those circs. Yet he still wants to be inside my body?
I simply cant understand that. I cant let him do that again. It HURTS.

It really does hurt, basseting, to realise that someone can want us sexually but not really have other feelings for us or want any other relationship. It is a painful shock. But the sooner we find out the better, so we can stop wasting time on them.

You are worth more than trying to get blood from a stone.

It has got me feeling like absolute shit, mind. So sad that he's this angry or acting with such disregard for me. I know I was unkind to him but I feel so unloved and like it was never real I don't know if it's just him avoiding a difficult convo or he's trying to make me end it so I have to be the bad guy or what. All I know is he clearly doesn't care enough to try and forgive me or to just tell me it's over.

Oldbook I completely empathise on the social event thing.

I'm going on a course over a weekend in a couple of weeks and it's where he lives and works (as in, actual building complex, not just same city) and I'm getting more and more stressed by the day.

Is he going to leave for the weekend to avoid me? Is he going to be there but hide? Is he going to be there and blank me like nothing ever happened? Is he going to want to talk?

Argh...

And all this while still not knowing if he's going to mark my coursework or if help declare a conflict of interest... Such a mess...

Bassetting, that's another thing... If anything happened to him, could I resist going to him? If anything happened to me- would he even care?

I hate these thoughts...

Can I ask, are any of you religious?