NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Thanks for all your support everyone. I've just taken the plunge and told him I want to stay out of contact, I know that's the right thing to do and that with you fabulous women here it's the right time to do it. Night all

Night belonger! Well done that must have been hard

Going to my NC's house probably wouldn't make me feel better but I just want to know if he left town as well as his job and me.

I told him it was fine. Not hugely bothered just bad timing!! Tomorrow will be fine I know it's ending, it's just an awkward conversation that I'm really not looking forward to. And seeing him is going to make me feels things I'd rather not...

Well done belonger that's so strong!!

It is the right time Belonger. Start of a new year. Will be tough the next few weeks. But stay strong. Did he reply?

Hello all
beloger well done, that must have been such a tough call to make. All for the right reasons but hard all the same.
appela good luck for tomorrow. Stay strong and know we are all here to pick up pieces if there are pieces to be picked up.
I feel pretty sad today. I wish I found it as easy to move on as he seems to have done. Makes me think I never meant that much to him. I so over invested as I was so desperate for it to work and loved him so much.

Sooo I think I’ve just seen definite proof that he’s back with his Ex.

I was just a rebound who he lovebombed and future faked. Trying to stay positive by repeating to myself that it’s better for them and at least they’re happy. They have a whole life and we had afew months, I couldn’t ever compete with that.

I wish he had just told me that’s what was happening though. And I don’t think he meant to be a dick and it’s comforting knowing it wasn’t anything to do with me.

Have an urge to ask him. I won’t , but it’s there.

Taking myself on a 15km walk now to hopefully clear my head. Luckily it’s only 30 degrees today

appella God thats awful. Is there anyone you can send around to collect your stuff? boo-hoo his poor new girlfriend . . . yeah right!

Oops sorry. only read til end of page 3 hence my prev post.
Good on you Belonger - Its and Jesus Sorry you're feeling that way, hope you both feel better soon?

Hello. Can I join too? Mine is a pretty sad tale. Split up since October, lost 3 stone in weight (which I couldn't afford to lose), my ex is in a new relationship and I'm on NC attempt 1,253 😢

I'm making a joke of it I know, but I'm starting to scare myself because I'm not moving on. I haven't been out of the house in 4 weeks and I'm not eating 😢

Please please if there's a god in heaven, please help me... it's like I'm waiting for something but I don't know what... I'm not getting better - just weaker by the day.

How can I allow one person to have this effect on me....😢

Just to add, today is day 4...but I still drive past his flat all the time 😢

i,ve been awake all night.
trying to work stuff thru in my head.
how it moved from my adoration to utter dismissal in 15 months?
to give an example:
I have a long term mobility issue (partly poss result of nhs cockup)
when we got back in touch (from years before) he was devastated for me - could i sue (no) could he 'provide for me' (no) how could he make plans to ensure I would be okay after he passed on (he is older)
He really really CARED. Since then I've had an Op which failed and am due another. Part of consequences of issues is that I am significantly heavier then I was when we first met, many years back, when i was 20
He has seen fit to comment plenty on my weight.
Apparantly I am still 'f*able' but he 'worries for my health'!
So, recently I tried to use a gym for the first time in many years.
Due to muppetry on my part, I managed to drop a free weight on my foot (the one needing further work) and broke 2 toes. When I saw him on Sunday I was telling him (plus I was on double crutches). He said: 'I cant belive anyone could be so daft'. I had presented it in a 'jokey' way to be fair but he could see I was struggling to walk even more than usual. But that is HIS usual level of empathy.
He refused to discuss anything about the transition from adoration to dismissal - when I tried (calmly and with some humour tbf to me) he shut his eyes and looked agonised / bored until I gave up.
As we parted I asked him if he had 'a new girlfriend'. He said No.
I believe that utterly. His whole thing is the extended 'processing' of a woman from lover to 'friend' (ie being cast out, though he always 'parts on good terms and stays in touch' apparantly - 'so much more civilised than silly common dramas'). So he doesnt 'need' a girlfriend for some time now as he is enjoying this phase.
His parting shot:
'Get back to the gym - you'll have a better choice of boyfriend if you drop the weight'. Utter utter bastard!
A. the important thing is being able to walk not being a size 10
B. I was never looking for a boyfriend. it was only ever him (after a 20 yr gap) that I would have even remotely considered having a relationship with after coming out of a 20 yr marriage and he KNEW that, He KNEW that. How COULD he be so cruel?
was the original reaction to my circs completely fake?

Welcome poppy good to have you with us. And well done for getting to day 4. You'll find lots of support here, we're all struggling to get free and strong and we can do it together.

basseting Sorry you've had a sleepless night. He sounds really thoughtless at best, cruel at worst. I'm sorry you've been holding out for him. It will take time to grieve the loss of your hopes for him and come to terms with the reality. Hugs to you

Oh no 'oldbook' what did you say?!!!

'Jesus sorry you feel so sad. I hope the walk clears your head. I wish I was there with you to walk that walk!

'Basseting' is hard as it is you really are best going nc. As others have said it sounds like he's become quite mean and you are now in love with how he used to be.

'Poppy' welcome. That sounds tough. You will find lots of support on here to start to break that cycle. How long were you together? Break ups can hurt a lot.

Oh no oldbook !! Whatever came over you?? Was it a full conversation or can you sneak in without resetting your timer??

Good luck today appella, we'll be here for you.

My guy replied with sadness about my decision to end it, but I deleted and went to sleep. He's messaged this morning being lovely and also saying he might block me to stop having to see me on SM, which I fully understand and am happy about.

I might have some wobbles over the next couple of weeks, but I feel good about my decision and very strong this morning. I'm not resetting my counter because my only communication was one message to end it!

So day 19 for me.

Good luck today everyone, and thanks so much for your help with this.