NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

Teens
when I first knew him I was 20. I was slim and pretty but shy.
he bought me nice clothes, made me practice my cutlery before he'd take me out for a meal (real My Fair Lady stuff) etc. Aged 22 I was a size 8 and gym toned, well dressed in expensive clothes, endless salon treatments etc. He always put me down.
when we met again 15m ago I was disabled and overweight. We were in touch for about 4 months before I agreed to meet as I was so worried about my appearance. He said I was 'still fuckable' but needed to sort my weight / clothes etc. He tried to force me onto some scales so he had a 'starting weight' and then said he would not meet me unless I had lost some each time. He is slender but old, scruffy, often unshaven, badly dressed and was never an oil painting.
I have felt far worse about my appearance since we met again. Yet, he was horrible about it when I was 22, too, so it is really simply a way of putting me down I think. If I had some total body make over, lost every ounce, had plastic surgery, wound the clock back 25 yrs, it still wouldnt be 'enough'. There are plenty of beautiful young women in the world who are treated like poo by men. So, it's not that. But boy has it hurt.

Cariad day 35 is amazing!!!
Day 3 for me.
Jesus walking through it sounds a great plan. Rest your legs now!.x
appella sorry I've not been following your story much but sending you ((())) as I can see even from skimming that you are having a crap time.xxx

Basseting he really sounds horrid and the good thing is you now seem to be seeing that yourself. Nc3 is just the beginning.

cariad day 35 is amazing. I take my hat off to you.

There are plenty of beautiful young women in the world who are treated like poo by men. So, it's not that.
Erm no, there are plenty of women allowing twats to treat them like poo.
Real me never get together with women,knowing how they look then start abusing their appearance. I would not date anyone commenting on my appearance or clothes,its just common decency and manners not to bring up those things.He's nasty.he's rude,he's putting you down-mainly because he needs to put someone down in order to feel better about himself.What a wanker!
I'm actually disturbed by what I'm reading through your posts.
You really need to go full NC ,for good.Its the only way to make yourself feel good.

Basseting he really is vile, even when you were younger. You really need to cut him out of your life. He brings nothing positive into your life.

App how are you feeling?

Bloody nora basseting, what a creep

Welcome zoo you've found somewhere where people really do understand how hard NC can be, especially when it's self imposed because you're having to stay strong and stand up for yourself when it can feel really tempting to give in to old habits.

Come and post here when you feel tempted to make contact, it really helps. We'll give you a hand hold or a DON'T DO IT when you need one.

Well done with your NC so far

Ps zoo I'm so sorry about losing the baby. You're doing brilliantly to have taken these brave steps to take care of you.

Did you manage not to email him? No shaming here if you didn't, we share our stumbles as well as our triumphs.

Welcome Zoo and so sorry to hear about the baby

I'm very very very nervous Just dreading being physically told he doesn't want to be with me. And probably listing all th reasons why. And I don't even know what time he's calling.

appella that's horrid. Uncertainty mixed with fear. Soon you will be out of this nightmarish limbo.

Keep us posted. We're here for you.

Thanks all for your support and I'm so sorry you're all here seeking support too. It's horrid but you're all inspiring!

I did manage not to email him. I cried repeatedly instead. Thankfully my boss knows most of what's happening - although she probably thinks I'm losing the plot.

I"m so sorry you're feeling so awful Zoo.

Sorry to read your post zoo. We are all here for you.

App - it is disgusting how on edge he is making you feel. All this waiting, firstly for replies, then for a meeting and now for a call. He doesn't deserve you. You do not deserve to be put through this much anxiety. Please please don't let him put all the blame on you if/when he calls.

Bassetting, I agree, your posts are disturbing. This man is abusive. How dare he make you feel like this, back then and now. You deserve so much better. Still fuckable?! I am so angry for you. The friend you met, who I know is married, but that is an example of the treatment you deserve. Please NC is the only way to go now. He is not good enough to even carry your bags.

Cariad well done day 35 is mega

Anxious you make so much sense in your posts. I totally agree with everything you've said to App and Basseting. App I'd be getting in first and dumping him. He really doesn't deserve you

@Zoo - Let it out. You’ve had the trauma of a loss and to compound it, this. You need to cry. I didn’t cry enough after I lost my baby. I think I realise that only now. Don’t ever feel bad for it. It sounds as though what you are going through are multiple stages of grief. The loss of this abusive man will eventually turn to relief. I promise you that. The father of my child was abusive to me and when I left I was just like this. I cried every hour. A few months later I was a different person and the only thing that got me through that period was no contact whatsoever with him. He isn’t the reason I’m here, that’s a whole other story, but you are in the right place being on this thread. You are being so strong already by blocking him - it’s something some of us can’t manage months later. We are here and whatever we can do, we will.

At least you are in control Oldbook. That must feel good! And he is chasing you. Looks like my lad couldn't give a damn 9 days later.

Welcome zoo but sorry you find yourself here. A break up after a long relationship is hard and with the loss of the baby too you must feel very sad. We are all here supporting each other and there are lots of wise words to keep you going. It sounds like you are a pretty strong one anyway but we all need as much help as we can get!

I am nc12 today. It is a record. He is clearly not in the slightest bit bothered and has moved on so I will not contact. I am hoping by nc30 and with the continued support of this thread that I will be indifferent. I haven't had tears this year and only think about him when alone which is an improvement so can actually concentrate on my work, family etc which was impossibly hard a month ago.

Hello, please can I join?

I ended a two year relationship (because he lied about the time he was spending with an ex) and I'm NC day 3 but I'm struggling.

22 days for contact Oldbook? I don't think there will be from mine. In the last communication I said New Year clean slate so I think that was me ending it without realising it. I think he'll have interpreted it like that too. Which is the 'morally' right thing to do but still hurts like hell.

Well done on Day 12 Itsa. I really hope Day 30 brings us both buckets of indifference

Welcome Nonplussed sorry to hear you're struggling