NC Dignity Club Part 3 - Stronger Every Day

[SweetBerries]

Here we go ladies. The place we come to do the 4 c’s - confess, console, comfort and consolidate. Every one of us is on a journey here but at the end of it, we become stronger better individuals who can be better prepared for future relationships - friends and romantically.

I’m so proud of you all xx

I'm not cariad although I have a strong interest in buddhism. What makes you ask? I'm sorry you're having a tough time. How would you like the weekend to go, do you want to see him?

Right I’m tempted to talk to him today. I think it’s because I’m having a rough time with my son and I have a killer cold. I don’t know why I want to talk to him as it will only make me feel worse. Just keep thinking back on all the amazing times we had. But I also know he is now sharing that side of himself with someone else and those with me were a lie.

Helps to type that out actually. He lied. The experiences I had were not shared. It hurts but it reminds me of why I do not need him now.

Just because I am, and within my particular religious group some of the things I say could be incredibly identifying and I need to avoid that before I say any more, I may have already said too much if anyone from my denomination happens to be on here.

Cariad I'm part of a denomination but am not religious. I don't recognise anything you've said.

Sweet sounds like you've talked yourself off the ledge There!

Checked his SM once as per my goals. Allowing myself twice more today. I wonder do they stalk us as much as we stalk them. I suspect my lad does a bit cos the last 2 times I was out and online late he sent a message saying 'Go to bed'. He only would have known that my checking my online status.

Well done sweetberries!

Fabulous nk you're great at sticking to your sm goal

So, I'm at a crossroads. My guy is once again asking if we're not talking and I find myself wobbling.

I could reply and explain that I don't want any contact with him any more. But there's a stubborn and scared part of me that can't quite bring myself to really do that yet.

I could reply and just be light and only respond, not initiate any contact, which would be a hell of an improvement on my previous behaviour around him.

Or I could stay silent and stick to NC and keep building my ability to be happy and fulfilled without him, and let him get the message.

Any advice?

Oh Belonger I'm not sure. Can he give you what you want? Or realistically do you need to walk away?

Oh Belonger I'm not sure. Can he give you what you want? Or realistically do you need to walk away?

Hi everybody. Just completed day 33 NC (I'm not including one NYD message which I sent out of politeness because I hadn't responded to his christmas wishes 10 days previously).

Work, etc has been manic today. Have just stopped and it's almost 7pm here in France.

I'm sending lots of positive thoughts to all of you. I empathise with the pain and struggles you are enduring; I always find it unsettling how emotions can swing from one extreme to another.

Belonger, I totally agree with the notion of not being able to bring myself to completely cut all communication off. I understand your dilemma. One thing I've noticed with my man. However hard I'd push him away or whenever we fell out I'd always worry things were completely over but, no, he'd always come back. Maybe it would be the same thing with yours?

Cariad
I am religious (as is he) but I am not part of any particular group.
I do not recognise anything you say and have also been esp careful not to say anything identifying about HIM.
One of the hardest things for me is that he has lectured me about God and my behaviour in my life in general which is not perfect but hardly bad and I struggle to take great care to behave properly to all people and to apologise when I cause hurt. Yet he, the authority on God, behaves entirely as his whims and urges dictate, fails to feel any remorse / apologise (I asked him to at weekend and he said: why? what for? ) yet is SO SURE he will simply waltz into heaven and sit on the right hand etc

Basseting this last post of yours has made my blood boil. Oh for double standards.

I meant your ex's not yours, of course, Basseting!

Literally could not be more nervous about tomorrow.

@appella - I understand how nervous you are as I’ve been there myself. There are three ways this could go:

A) He ends things. You have plans. Yes it’s going to hurt but better than he just comes out and tells you and you can get on with your life. We will help all we can.
B) He doesn’t end things and apologises to you for the way he has behaved. If he doesn’t do the latter then you deserve SO much more and this may happen again.
C) He cancels. If he does that, he should be the last of your concerns from now onward. I realise that he won’t be, but let him go because he is NOT a man. He is a scared boy.

There is strength in you, we can all see that from your posts. And even if yeah, it’s easy to write things down, those words come from somewhere. Be THAT strong. Tonight you will be nervous. Tomorrow one of those things will happen. Tonight you can’t change anything but tomorrow will come. If you feel like reaching out to him then come here. I literally talked myself out of it earlier on this thread. You can too. X

Brilliantly worded SweetBerries! appella we'll all be here waiting for you on your return and tomorrow will be the beginning of a brand new chapter no matter what happens with him.

(I know nothing about your relationship but from what you've shared with us I think he's behaved extremely selfishly towards you these past few days.)

App We are all here for you. Agree he sounds very selfish and immature

What are you going to do Belonger? I’m sure you know that once you start engaging it won’t be long until things revert to how they were. It’s interesting that he wants to engage but you are unsure . I suspect that is because he gets his needs met whereas you don’t. Why would he want to let that go?

Well done on being strong sweets and stay strong appella.
Day 19 nc today. I wouldn’t say it’s any easier. Less intense, and he still preoccupies my mind. But I don’t feel as awful as I did.

Thank you a so much - honestly this thread has kept me sane and I know I have somewhere to vent and reach out instead of chasing him. You are all wonderful

I suspect, Rhubarbginn that Belonger is hesitating because her feelings are in conflict with reason. Her heart may wish to reach out again but her head remembers that, unfortunately, all contact with him ends in frustration and pain; HER frustration and pain.

At least that's how it was for me. (And still is to a less extreme extent).

How's everyone doing this evening? I'm not too bad this evening. Reality is setting in that his NC means this could be the last bit of communication we'll have. If so, it has to be this way. Neither of us are available to the other.

So my ex has just messaged to say he's donating my stuff that is still at our old flat (I moved out this time last year after we called off the wedding) because it's bothering his new girlfriend. I do NOT NEED THIS TONIGHT!!!!

Oh Appella so sorry. What poor timing. Plus why doesn't ask if you would like it first. Do you want any of it. Just send him a quick text either way and move on.
I know you must be so nervous about tomorrow but sweets advice is really good. Those are the possible outcomes. You have beaten yourself up enough about the drunken argument. We will all be here.

NK glad you are ok. The possible finality gets me too but I am not very good at cutting anyone off whether they are good or bad for me. Can't throw things away either. Maybe there is another OCD underlying link here.

Rhubard glad less intense today. Nc19

Bassetting just how very dare he