REB, lemonade - hello both!
Have still not heard from lovely chap so......but he is still lovely nevertheless!!
lemonade - i'm really sorry about your grief. I think sometimes it can hit in waves. I still grieve for my grandfather 30 years later from time to time (he died in a sad way). Feel free to share your thoughts if you feel able - if not, we're still thinking about you.
REB - I am getting a little worried about you. Here you are - a nice, sensitive man, and you are clearly unhappy. I don't really know what to say - I was v unhappy in my marriage, but i stayed for the children (and for me that was the right thing to do) but i am so much happier now its over. You certainly need to lift your self-esteem - are there particular activities/hobbies which you enjoy/used to enjoy? When i had a particularly bad patch with my exh, I listened to a series of tapes which basically said that although you can't influence many things around you, you can decide what your response is to those events. I remember saying to exh that i wanted to go away to a particular place for a few days. he was grumpy etc etc. A couple of days later i said I'm going to book the tickets - would you like to come or not? he was totally stunned, then decided to come, and really enjoyed it. My thought was that i really couldn't spend my time relying on his moods, and after that i did feel better. The relationship broke up in the end (it was bound to do that) but i felt better in the meantime.
Last winter i went skiing (totally unfit and no sense of balance) and had the best holiday ever. I couldn't afford it (my finances are a mess) but decided i couldn't afford to feel low all winter either!! (i have many ways to justify increased overdraft!).
What do you really really enjoy?? for me its generally simple things, but could you try and do 1 thing a day you really like doing? its amazing how you can lift your spirits that way. Take care