Disappointed with your sex life Part 3

[lemonade]

A new thread for us. I'll see you here instead of at Part 2.

i sometimes think he is just looking for a way out and is using any means to get out without actually saying thats what he wants

If he said that with no basis, then perhaps that is actually a fear he has. I'm no psychologist, but perhaps this is all about his feelings of inadequacy, that he doesn't or can't spend enough time with you, and he misses you.

I worry all the time that my DW is having an affair, although common sense says she isn't, and it is because that is what i fear the most, that I've created the situation where she is happier in someone elses arms.

I'm assuming the two of you haven't had any proper time together for a long time

i used to text my sisters boyfriend cos he was really really depressed...DH knew about it and was ok with it. The last i heard from him he was going to kill himself so because i showed concern, dh says i must have been having an affair with him.....am i in the wrong? I have never even thought about having an affair with him or anyone else for tha matter. i think he is just trying to make himself feel better about having a one night stand with my mate at college just after we had got engaged.

lmo3 - I'm sorry to hear this. If your dh is accusing you of having an affair without any basis then, yes, I think he's either very insecure or looking for a way out. It's a great shame that you don't have someone there who could support you in person. I don't think he knows what he wants, so any decision he makes might be reversed soon afterwards. Take care. l xx

REB - I don't think you should be taking the blame for things. There are 2 of you in the relationship. Your dw is just as responsible as you. Can you talk to her, or does it result in tears and/or arguments?

Indeed, the tears and the arguments

REB - What about your ds? Is he happy? Can he sense any tension?

i think dh is looking for a way out personally....i feel so guilty and i havent even done anything

lmo3 - Do you think you'd be able to undertake the move and live there with the children, without him? If you had to, that is.

he says he wont let me leave with the children. it is going to cost a lot of money to move, which i dont have. I just dont know anymore.....yesterday i thought i had it all sorted.

lmo3 - In what way did he say it? In a "trapping you here" sort of way, like he did before?

yes

lmo3 - Right. How much money would it be? Would the council be able to help you, either your council there or the one in the area you want to move to?

with remaoval company costs, deposits, legal fees, rent in advance, i need about £2000. The councils, both there and here wont help me

lmo3 - Oh, dear. I don't know what to say. I'm so sorry. It seems impossible, doesn't it?

What about women's refuge? I'm not saying that you should go there necessarily, just that they may be able to give you some advice. And the Citizens Advice Bureau as well. Do you want me to do anything i.e. ring them for you?

its ok lemonade....i daresay i will muddle through as ever. thank you for the offer though

lmo3 - Okay. I am worried about the veiled threat of not letting you leave with the children, though. He can't not allow you to leave if you decide you want to. That's not right. Surely the emergency housing people at the council have a duty to you and the children if there's the threat of violence?

lmo3 - How are you? l xx

lmo3 - why do u need to pay any legal fees to move? could u just hire a van and borrow somone 2 drive it - could always pressgang dh into doing that for you!

lmo3 - hope you are ok. take care x

im ok...i think

Maybe i'm seeing the upside for the sake of it, but it does sound like he's trying to hold on to you, noy just the children, by putting obstacles in the way of you leaving.

That either makes him very controlling, or frightened and incapable of telling you that he loves you - along with his accusations it adds up in my mind.

Having said that, i think you need to go, and make him sort himself out, and only then look at whether your future is together.

poo, did that sound harsh?

It wasn't meant to lm, I just think that you don't need to lose control, and you don't want to carry on. There seems to be a lot of misplaced love behind his actions, and while they are destructive and damaging now, one day they might not be.

And in the mean time we can flirt with each other here

oooh does that mean your going to buy me a drink then?????!!!

no it didnt sound harsh.....my head has just got so much stuff rattling round in it at the moment im kind of losing a grip on some things