Disappointed with your sex life Part 3

[lemonade]

A new thread for us. I'll see you here instead of at Part 2.

lmo3, REB and gettingthere - How are you all?

Hey all - i've a bit of catching up to do, worried a bit about Lem, pleased for lmo3 though.

I've stayed off the board, because for the last few days, while mostly i miss the closeness and tenderness and connection and affection of the physical expression of our relationship, i have been mostly thinking about f**king and how much i miss it, and worry that i probably can't remember how to do it.

sorry

i'll come back in a few days when the bromide has kicked in

I appear to have killed this post....

Part 3 already??!!!
Is everybody OK? Or have you all gone away on holiday maybe? It's all gone quite here for a while now. I do hope you're all well and am thinking of you.
Lots of hugs

Hi - no news here, feeling a little inadequate, a little lonely, a little lost.

Things are no worse, and we seem to be friends at the moment, if not lovers, but it's like being closer to somewhere you can never visit

REb I really feel for you, from what I have read in the threads. In fact I was wondering if you were my dh! Don't worry, I know you're not.

I haven't had sex for over 2 years, since ds was conceived. We didn't do it that often before, but reasonably regularly. I really went off it when I was pregnant, though we did plents of cuddling and kissing, and then it just carried on, stress and tiredness of being parents etc and to be honest being parents put a real strain on our relationship and things weren't very good for the first year.

We are now making a real effort to be nice to each other, and I know dh really wants any kind of sexual relationship but I really really don't. I seem to have become more of a prude with each passing day. I can just about manage a kiss and a hug, but anything else makes me coil in horror.

I really don't know what to do about it, as I feel OK without sex, although I know it's not right or fair or normal but dh doesn't.

I don't think you can bring "fair" or "normal" into it - it wouldn't be either if he was obliging you to have sex.

As well as the obvious (male only?) physical need or imperative, affection and feeling close to someone is what I miss, I feel very very lonely, and of course unattractive.

I can't remember now what we were like as lovers, whether we were enthusiastic, or graceful, or passionate, and I wonder if I was ever attractive, to anyone. I've always been pretty confident of my physical self, and now I simply don't know at all.

Gosh I'm selfish

He would never oblige me to have sex, but I feel I am letting him down in some way by not having sex. Neither of us are happy with our bodies and the way we look but I guess that shouldn't stop me. I guess I just have so many hang-ups.

I seem to have a pattern in relationships. I start out the usual way, sex whenver and wherever, and then gradually lose interest and can't be bothered.

I think part of the reason may bethat I don't consider him my soul mate, and I have a need for every other part of our life together to be wonderful before I can commit to sex.

Don't feel that it is all you and that you are unattractive. I don't know what's in your dw's head, but from my experience I would bet that it's her not you. From what I have read, you seem very caring, compassionate and concerned.

I should know what's in her head though, shouldn't I?

Hi all, I'm new to this thread but can empathise as dh and I have a one sided relationship when it comes to ML. He's 12 years older than me and has a low libido. I know it's not a huge gap but I'm at my peak whilst he's losing his footing! When it's good it's good though iykwim but I'm fed up of instigating it.

You can never really really know what's in another person's head, in my opinion

i know. but hope that sometimes we can be of some help, even if it is just to let off steam

I don't know about you all, but I swing between trying very hard, and just giving up

I'm in the giving up stage at the moment REB. You just feel so rejected. DH is overweight and hates being so and this adds to his lack of libido but TBH he's never had a high one.
I read somewhere recently that if your relationship is 80 - 90% good then you should be grateful and ours is but I just feel lovemaking is extrememly important. Maybe I'm being greedy?

I feel embarrassed that it seems so important to me, I know exactly what you mean, but to an extent I'm looking for an affirmation that we are as close and can be, and that we love each other, because I can't always, in fact I can't often, see that in other parts of our relationship, she's all too often angry or unhappy, which means 5the relationship isn't giving her the things she needs.

REB is she happy in other aspects of her life though or could she have depression?

Well i am still trying for another babe even got the ovu packs as dh has a really really low libido, i am sure i read some where you can get something from the herbal shop. Dh is 40 in pretty good shape works out every other day cycles have gone through that stage of "oh it's me" but he assures me it's not and he is embarressed that he does not want to do it more often..that will teach me for waiting till my wedding night 10yrs i can probably count the amount of sex i have had on my fingers ..not really. but we are good together

I don't think she is depressed, just good old fashioned unhappy. I don't seem to be able to do anything about it, to improve her life, which is kind of what I'm meant to do.

Do you know what is making her unhappy REB? It could be things over which you have no control. Is there any way of getting her to talk about it to someone, if not you then a friend or relation?

I know I am often angry and unhappy and it has a big impact on the relationship.

Slink, I got DH some tablets (yes, I'll try anything!) and they were expensive but they didn't work [sad. What are your DH's family like? I only ask as my ILs are a bit prudish when it comes to sex. I don't put any pressure on him even though I must sound like a nympho at times. He's getting tested for thyroid problems at the moment and one of the side effects is lack of libido. But it's gone on for years so even if they found that it's other things too that are causing this.

REB, I understand why you think like that but I feel a person has to make themselves happy and others add to their happiness. Don't be too hard on yourself.

Thanks Juniper68 his family don't discuss sex, it's just that i was lucky to have dd1 would really like another so does he what was the name of the tablets i'll try anything too

REB i agree we make our own happiness we can't blame ourselves for everything.xx

Maybe I'm completely wrong, but she's unhappy, and she used to be happy, it seems pretty simple to me.

Hi slink and REB,
I got the tablets from higher nature online. I hope if you get them they work - maybe my dh didn't take them properly, I wouldn't be surprised. They probably have something similar in health food shops though.

Has anyone had any kind of outside help for this kind of thing? I think I'm getting to the point where I can't carry on.