Disappointed with your sex life Part 3

[lemonade]

A new thread for us. I'll see you here instead of at Part 2.

No but I've mentioned it to dh. Do you think your wife would go? He says he will but I'm not so sure. I suppose I should be grateful he recognises there's a problem

I meant for me, she wouldn't go, to her mind there isn't a problem, and it's possible she's right. I miss her, and it makes me cry, and I need it not to hurt any more

Well then maybe you should go? sometimes it helps to get advice form a person not involved. And they'll be experienced in this.

hello REB how are you?

hi - the ususal, you?

Reallyembarrassedbut- I've been reading through this thread and feel like I'm eavesdropping on you. Sorry to drop in but I couldn't stop myself thinking about some of the things you've said and I wanted to add a thought or two.Your situation sounds so miserable and lonely,believe me when i say that I really feel for you and please don't take what I say next as a criticism but here goes. Your comments about your dw -(it's simple - she was happy and now she isn't but it's not depression) sound a bit of a blokey simplistic way of looking at it. If there is a reason for her to be unhappy what is it? Have you tried to help her with it? If there is no reason for it then it sounds very like depression to me. I mean let's face it, there is a massive problem in that you are not happy and feel the need to share your troubles here instead of with her so you have to try to do something about it even if its only counselling for you and she wont come. The other thought - I feel resentful about the time my own dh spends surfing the net, in chatrooms etc. Could it be that your dw is feeling annoyed that you spend so much time at your pc instead of talking to her? Sorry to sound preachy.I'll shut up and leave you alone now!

Shimmy (nice name by the way)

I am a bloke, I am simple!

I'm thinking about the practicalities of counselling, but that won't help her, and it shouldn't just be about me - obviously I'm frightened that one day she'll find someone else, or just leave.

We both spend time on the PC - as bad as each other, but only either at work, or in that useless bit of time at the end of the day when you're both so tired all you can do is annoy each other - or of course when I've been up all night

I have thought about counselling too, but not sure yet. I have thought a lot about our lack of sex, and I know that most of the problem comes from me. I have had several realtionships where there is the usual "at it all the time" stage at the beginning, but sooner or later I get bored and can't be bothered and really don't want to. One of my theories is that I start out in a relationship full of hope that this will be the one and it's all going to be wonderful, but at some stage I realise that this one isn't my soul mate so why bother. That's clearly different now as dh and I have a child together, but I find that the little things he does that wind me up daily stop me feeling so close to him and without the mental and spiritual closeness I don't want to have sex and feel quite repulsed at the idea.

are you sure you're not my wife im?

I don't think so reb, though you sound like a lovely guy!

I know my dh is getting very fed up of the situation and the fact that other parts of our relationship are not too great at the moment, and sees himself on his own at some point. I don't really know what to say to him, but I know that sex won't solve everything.

REB, does your wife not think/acknowledge that there is a problem?

hello...how are you all? things are going downhill a bit here again now has anyone heard from lemonade? she hasnt posted for about a month now. I cant get in touch with her.

Hi titania, you sounded so positive a few weeks ago, are you OK? What is going wrong - do you want to talk about it?

don't worry, I'm not a lovely guy.

I don't know whether she thinks it's a problem or not - for me it's a symptom as much as a problem in itself, and I want to do something about it before the next symptom.

REB you ARE a lovely guy......don't doubt it.

Icemaiden....we are just gradually spending less and less time together again....let alone doing anything else. It was his birthday yesterday and he had the day off work which was nice, but it was unpaid so now money is tight this week. Everything revolves around the kids....dont get me wrong....i wouldnt change it for the world, but sometimes I wish we had what we used to have together....It will never be the same again. I was going to cook him a nice meal for his birthday but didnt have time......will try and do it tonight.....if he isnt too busy that is

Just got in touch with lemonade.....her computer blew up in a storm while she was away so hasnt had access to the internet! She is ok though.

Titania, do you think you cqan talk to him or do something before it goes back to how it used to be. That caused you so much pain that I really hope you can talk to dh. You sounded so full of hope a couple of weeks ago, it would be awful if you lost what you have. I have to go out now but I'll be back again this afternoon.

Glad to hear lemonade is ok.

REB, I agree that it is a symptom as well. Do you not have any conversations about this at all? Dh and I do sometimes discuss thet fact that we haven't had sex for so long and that he wants to. We don't reach a solution, but at least we acknowledge that there is a problem. It must be worse if you don't even discuss it.

Oh, it's so good to hear lemonade is OK! Thanks Titania

hi everyone, I'm glad to hear lemonade is OK. lemonade how are you? I've missed you, you wise, wise person. I'm feeling very sad today - but such is life. Tomorrow will be better, I'm sure

how is everyone?

getting there....do you want to talk about it?

Hurry up and come back lemonade!!!! she is supposed to be getting the computer fixed soon...fingers crossed!!

Morning all, no change here, a bit down but that's more to do with boredom.

How are you today Titania?

got up with a sore throat and an earache so feeling a bit run down......got up about 8 times with the baby as well last night.

Things are gradually slipping back to how they were again now

Poor you Titania.

Can you not do something to stop things with dh going back to how they were? Talk to him or something?

i am fed up with the constant battle..... He spent 2 hours doing his weights last night, had a shower and went to bed.........

That sounds exactly like it used to be - I followed your old threads.

What are you going to do? Please don't let yourself get as miserable as you were before. Hugs.

i dont know....he has become supportive in other ways which i should be grateful for (ie helping me with my healthy eating), but Im just wondering how long for....