Disappointed with your sex life Part 3

[lemonade]

A new thread for us. I'll see you here instead of at Part 2.

I'd like more children, but she wouldn't, and let's be honest i don't actually "have" them, as such, so it can't be a democratic decision, if you see what i mean.

I have tried to tell het how i feel, and by my clumsy, gauche, cackhanded (male) standards done pretty well. I'm a flower buyer anyway, so that wouldn't mean anything, if you see what i mean.

I think she does know how much i love her, but its just sort of not the same for her, and, well, that's it - i'vve paid my money, and taken my choice, if you see what i mean.

knowing all of that doesn't stop me feeling lonely though

Oh, i've tried to hold her, or hug her - she just asks me what's wrong, why i'm doing it.

Did you try saying to her because I love you / because I want you / because I like to hold you / because I need to be held right now / anything else? What was her response?

Let's face it, a little physical contact is normal in any relationship and she must know that even if she doesn't want to have any. I wonder what is going on in her head? Presumably, you do too!

then perhaps try and behave differently and then she should notice that something is wrong. first of all, stop buying flowers, gifts etc. stop any attempts at physical closeness and see how it goes. maybe the hard to get approach would make her think again. BUT be most careful that you do not come accross as grumpy as a result of this. There's nothing more annoying than living with a grumpy or irriatble character!
The total opposite approcah is to try and write her a letter. I wouldn't reccomend it personally as it backfired in my case but maybe women have a different attitude to reading personal letters so she might actually read it and understand it. However, you must try and not sound all teary and soft and all that, just write how you feel and that should suffice. Again, clingy men are often annoying too.
Shame you're not a woman, I would have said go and buy some nice underwear!
This is very drastic. You said she doesn't want anymore kids. that's her choice and really it's more up to her because ultimately sher would have to look after them. Unfair but that's life. I think tehre is a real possibility here that she avoids any kind of sexual activity because she fears she might get pregnant. But she finds it hard to tell you: we won't have sex unless you use a condom. Could this be the case? then go out and buy some condoms and reassure her you don't want her to get pregnant unless she wants to. Don't lie and say you don't want kids because that wouldn't be tru and you don't want to lie to her.

It's so complicated!!!

Ooh yes you may have a point there Branster ( well, many but this one in particular!) the thought of sex is very off-putting to a woman if she fears getting pregnant (or even associates sex with pregnancy). Have you discussed that with your dw?

I have started a Part 4 thread on this subject. It takes ages to scroll down the page. Maybe because I still have dial-up connection for internet.