'D'H affair?!?

[thegrinchthatstolexmas]

'D'H has a long term friend that lives abroad. He also runs quite a niche business that involves lots of travelling abroad for meetings predominantly on the country that she lives.

She speaks various languages and has been acting as a translator for some of the meetings.

A few weeks ago whilst play fighting 'D'H called me by her name and passed it off as a simple mistake as he had been with there the previous week.

He's become more and more secretive with his phone but today have it to our DC to play games on whilst he was falling asleep.

DC then handed me the phone to get out of a WhatsApp message as they couldnt work out how to do it.

The message was from 'd'H's friend a generic picture message outlaying that she had 'fallen for their late night chats, fallen for the way he makes her feel' etc

Followed by a message from him to her saying he was free (I was out) could he call.

Then a message saying he wasn't free anymore. All this whilst DC were at home in his care.

Am I reading too much into this?

Doesn't want to start again? Is that the only reason he can find to stay? Not that YOU are the love of his life and he wishes he'd told you about her messages? No calling her in front of you, for reassurance etc. No. He went out. With his phone and she's been a nasty cunt to you.
I'm so sorry this is happening to you.

OP I really feel for you. Must have been an awful shock.

But C’’mon!!!! You’re being so ducking passive and letting him call the shots. Woman up. He’s either having an affair or was on the verge of having one but had definitely crossed acceptable lines in any event.

You need to make the call. So you want to stay married or do you want to separate. We can’t tell you because we have no idea re the state of your marriage other than this pretty bleak incident. It’s your call but you’ve got to bloody do something!

And ignore the likes of croon979

What the heck is telling his mother going to do at this stage. OP has bigger things to think about

Wishing - that is rather rude. You have your opinions and I have mine.
I felt that it may help the OP and also that DH would be less likely to get away from minimizing to his family which could offer some support to her.

croon979

OP found out late yesterday that her husband is likely having an affair.

Your advice is to tell his mother. Seriously. Less than 24 hours after finding out the possibility of an affair you suggest dragging in family in a very dramatic way.

I stand by my comments. The OP would do well to ignore your advice completely.

Wishing - this thread is not about you or me but I suggest you read it in full. The mother is already involved, he has skulked off to stay with her. Quite way you are so vociferously against my suggestion is beyond me but I don’t intend to respond to you further.

Well that’s a loss croon979!

Because I think it’s a shit suggestion that will simply side track the OP.
She needs to focus, big time.

You would be sensible to keep dc from him as he is obviously not well enough mentally to have them unsupervised if he is threatening suicide. Oh and burn his passport.

Burn his passport I like that haha. The swine!!

Actually wishing I agree with croon and would also be adding that OP should inform her MIL of her husbands suicide threats if he is currently staying with her

Oh yes, the suicide threats

Classic tactic of diverting attention from the matter at hand.

MIL is already fully aware of suicide threats, I called her last night and that's why he has gone to stay there.

I am in charge of the situation hence him not being here at present.

I'm not making any rash decisions nor am I expecting any of you to tell me what to do or not to do. My initial post was purely to find out if I was over thinking the messages.

I thank you all for all your suggestions and it's been nice to be able to anonymously talk it through without effecting judgement of my friends and family by telling them of his potential infidelity

Best of luck OP, I hope you are ok and I personally think you are wise to not make any rash decisions.

You sound really strong and level headed. Good luck

Good luck OP

Please don’t let his pathetic suicide rants have any effect on your decisions.

OP, the threat to kill himself is the most obvious form of emotional blackmail ... its see through to me as a useless threat as I’m not personally involved but please remind him as an adult he’s responsible for himself and you won’t be blackmailed.

I'm not making any rash decisions nor am I expecting any of you to tell me what to do or not to do

Good for you grinch xxx 💐

So update- DH attempted to kill himself over the new year and resulted in his mum coming to mine to blame me as 'I should know he would never cheat and this is obviously all one sided' now feel even more stuck as this stinks of a guilty reaction yet I don't want to see him come to any harm

He didn't manage to kill himself then?

They never do.

You know it is absolutely none of your fault.
Sadly, his actions are likely to be guilty actions. He probably rang her and she rejected him as everything became real, and she wants to stay with her own partner.
He realises he has lost everything due to his own doing and hence this outcome.

I notice "he didn't want to start again" no that he didn't want to lose you !

His suicide attempt was all his doing- none of this is your fault, do not think in any way you are responsible for his actions. Please do not fall for his attempts and manipulation ( obviously we do not know how serious his attempt was), make your own decisions at your own pace and be guilt tripped by no one

The cheek of his bloody mother. You’re not responsible for what he’s done. Or how he deals with it. You need to now make decisions based on what you want rather than what you think is right. You don’t have to stay with a cheat.

these are not the actions of an innocent man... these are the actions of a man that realises he may just be about to lose EVERYTHING... including the Wife.. the Kids.. the Home ...the Mistress.... sounds like SHE told him to GTF...

and does he REALLY want to die over a 'Text Message misunderstanding' ... does he not realise every actin he has taken has cemented his adulterous Affair... do not allow your MIL to drop this moral 'bag of Shit' at your door Lady .. simply because you're not willing to accept your Husband has a Mistress.. a Gobby one at that... Fuck that ...

the only harm he will come too... is through his OWN actions.. do not be manipulated into letting him home.. because he'll use this weapon every time as a 'get out of shit free' card ...

Stay Strong