'D'H affair?!?

[thegrinchthatstolexmas]

'D'H has a long term friend that lives abroad. He also runs quite a niche business that involves lots of travelling abroad for meetings predominantly on the country that she lives.

She speaks various languages and has been acting as a translator for some of the meetings.

A few weeks ago whilst play fighting 'D'H called me by her name and passed it off as a simple mistake as he had been with there the previous week.

He's become more and more secretive with his phone but today have it to our DC to play games on whilst he was falling asleep.

DC then handed me the phone to get out of a WhatsApp message as they couldnt work out how to do it.

The message was from 'd'H's friend a generic picture message outlaying that she had 'fallen for their late night chats, fallen for the way he makes her feel' etc

Followed by a message from him to her saying he was free (I was out) could he call.

Then a message saying he wasn't free anymore. All this whilst DC were at home in his care.

Am I reading too much into this?

Ask her from your own phone

DC go to bed soon once they are asleep will wake him and ask what is going on

Whether it’s harmless flirting or whatever it’s not acceptable. When the kids are in bed you need a frank conversation to say what you’ve found out and see what he says. It doesn’t look great but hopefully it’s flirting and nothing more.

Good luck.

Sorry op, it doesn’t look good .
Make sure you look at everything you can before you confront otherwise he could delete everything and make you feel crazy.

He is having an affair.

He will lie and minimise.

They have been hiding in plain sight (chummy FaceTime chats with you, mentioning in convo).

Some part of him wants it to come to light (calling you by her name, prodding you about your faithfulness and commitment).

What a betraying prick.

This will run and run unless you take control, op

Are you going to do anything concrete like a) ask him b) ask her

What the fuck is going on. Or will you keep on engaging with randoms on the internet instead ?

Doesn't look good :(

I would definitely take a picture of the messages as a proof.

I would also be tempted to message her.

I'm so sorry OP.. but I agree it stinks of an affair..

AF did you see the post where OP says kids go to bed soon and she’d ask him then?

Doesn’t look good OP, sorry.

Sorry op, it doesn't sound good. You will get lots of good advice on here. Just start preparing yourself for what comes next. Good luck.

To rub salt in the wound he's the one constantly accusing me of fancying someone else or wanting to leave him

Yeah this is a common tactic- he’s basically projecting how he feels and accusing you because deep down that’s what he’s doing/wants to do. Sorry he’s a shit, you deserve better than this

So sorry, but try and keep an open mind until you have all the facts in front of you x

There were messages about a month ago that I saw them that said 'can I call' 'are you free' but just presumed then that they were checking the other wasn't working etc but looking back it was most likely to find out if I was here

You still don't know that for sure. Until you see or hear DH replys, please try not to get worked up about it all x

If it's innocent, they'd have no problem with phoning while you are there, surely?

There is a way of installing his WhatsApp to your ipad you just need the code from his phone to scan. If he is still asleep quickly do it???

"Can I call" is what someone says when they are trying to avoid the woman who lives there. It blows my mind the kind of woman who does this to another woman it really does.

Affair

He will have deleted everything by now

The fact she lives abroad in his mind will make it ‘risk free’ he can cheat over there and you’ll not be there and can easily separate the 2

Screen shot what you can but this has affair written all over it

I have been the OW and this sounds exactly the sort of behaviour - ou can fall without checking first, more communication by messages rather than calling as harder to do, deleting history, staying away from home.... sort but it’s all there. Dump the low life and get someone that deserves you and treatsyou with respect

You're definitely not reading too much into this.
He will minimise it all oh and the accusations towards yourself are very common my lying cheating ex was always accusing me and he was living a double life.

Think before you act because he will cover all his tracks and delete everything.

So he woke up whilst I was trying to screen shot the messages.

Claims it's all one sided as he confided In her we were having difficulties at the same time she was aswell.

She thinks she loves him but he doesnt feel the same...... dont think I believe him

I'd screen shit it because as soon as he realises he will delete it. Maybe feels she is so far away you wouldn't find out.

you don't believe him... because you've read the words he wrote to her .... sneaky phone calls.. are you alone texts .... it's bollocks.. he is lying Lady.... and your correct not to believe him

Bingo. Lies and minimising.

Sorry OP - it’s shit for you

He’s a liar.

Call her. If you have her number do it from your phone.

Trust your gut