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Original poster

'D'H affair?!?

216 replies

thegrinchthatstolexmas · 28/12/2017 18:38

'D'H has a long term friend that lives abroad. He also runs quite a niche business that involves lots of travelling abroad for meetings predominantly on the country that she lives.

She speaks various languages and has been acting as a translator for some of the meetings.

A few weeks ago whilst play fighting 'D'H called me by her name and passed it off as a simple mistake as he had been with there the previous week.

He's become more and more secretive with his phone but today have it to our DC to play games on whilst he was falling asleep.

DC then handed me the phone to get out of a WhatsApp message as they couldnt work out how to do it.

The message was from 'd'H's friend a generic picture message outlaying that she had 'fallen for their late night chats, fallen for the way he makes her feel' etc

Followed by a message from him to her saying he was free (I was out) could he call.

Then a message saying he wasn't free anymore. All this whilst DC were at home in his care.

Am I reading too much into this?

OP posts:
Accidentallyexisting · 28/12/2017 21:43

You can still call her though or you can “stand still and do nothing” as one counseller once told me. Try and keep calm and watch what happens next. Read his body language look at the story that next comes out from him and listen to your gut. He may have some honesty for you when he returns from the walk or you may have to figure the truth out with detective work. However this is a crap moment op how are you managing right now?

DavetheCat2001 · 28/12/2017 21:44

Do you have her number, OP?

AlwaysPondering · 28/12/2017 22:11

Did you try calling him to see if his line was busy?

SandyY2K · 28/12/2017 22:31

He's crossed a line and he knows it.
He's calling her to let her know your onto him... that's called a mini dday. His reaction is what I'd expect from a cheating spouse.

He told her you had marital issues.... she feels there's a chance....he hasn't knocked her back... he's probably welcomed it and been active in it.

It may not be a full blown affair yet...it may be the beginning stages.... you know for sure he'd nor accept thud story of the tables were turned.

I would change passwords on your phone now as well.

SandyY2K · 28/12/2017 22:32

And he'll have deleted the call he made to her while he was out.

BastardGoDarkly · 28/12/2017 23:30

Well him strolling out and leaving this hanging, is about the shadiest thing he could have done isn't it?

I'd be deeply suspicious op.

AnchorDownDeepBreath · 28/12/2017 23:49

Be very careful with any WhatsApp hacking ideas. You can install his WA on other devices but it's dubious behaviour legally (and being prosecuted more and more); and it's pretty easy to set WA to only update on your primary device. There's also a lot of security options. I get a text with a location whenever I log into mine; etc - from back when I had a scary ex trying to access my accounts. The police support officer set it all up in seconds.

That's not to say I wouldn't be trying to find out more; although he sounds like he's already in the habit of deleting conversations, so that may be hard.

To be honest, I think the fact that he's gone out to "walk" and call her; when your world is unsettled, says all you need to know about him and his priorities. I also think it'll mean they'll get their stories straight before he comes back so you'll never get the truth from her; but there's no guarantee she'd have told you anything anyway.

ChickenMom · 28/12/2017 23:58

You should play hardball. Say to him “I hope she’s worth it because this divorce is going to cost you. The business and house will need to be sold because half is mine and I’m damned if she’s getting any of it. You’ve got enough money to live abroad without a business or income I hope? Because that’s what you’ll have to do to be with her and paying to fly back to see the kids. Like I say, hope she’s worth it because you’ve just made your life costly and complicated” then make him leave to think about the reality. It’s all romantic and fairytale like until she’s got to wash his shitty underpants and he realises how much money she’s going to actually cost him.

SchnitzelVonKrumm · 29/12/2017 00:03

How long have they been friends? Is she an ex?

Mxyzptlk · 29/12/2017 00:07

Offering to leave is as good as being guilty.

That seems likely. An innocent guy who's been getting one-sided adoration from someone would never think of leaving.

Accidentallyexisting · 29/12/2017 00:08

Yes chickenmom 100% yes!

FitBitFanClub · 29/12/2017 00:12

Quite calmly asked
what do I want to do.
What do I think is going on

So, he was trying to find out how much you knew and how much shit he's possibly got to talk his way out of.

LordSugarWillSeeYouNow · 29/12/2017 00:17

If he was innocent he would offer to leave his phone behind when he went for his "walk"

Unfortunately now he will have contacted her and came up with a watertight story no doubt.
Trust your gut op

twotired · 29/12/2017 00:21

Absolutely don't trust him. As PP have said, change your passwords on your phone, contact a solicitor and don't listen to any stories or excuses. He's very obviously a liar and a cheat (emotional or otherwise).

ijustwantfiveminutespeace · 29/12/2017 00:23

Did he come home?

BackInTheRoom · 29/12/2017 07:48

@thegrinchthatstolexmas

Get your ducks in a row and do not trust your partner. He is not the same man you married.

bonfireheart · 29/12/2017 08:05

She told him she's had feelings for him. He a single a married man should have stopped talking to her there and then. Instead he continued to have late night chats with her and secret conversations when you weren't by around.
That is enough, you don't need to know any more about the ins and outs of it. Tell him to leave.

KhalliWali · 29/12/2017 08:24

Say to him “I hope she’s worth it because this divorce is going to cost you. The business and house will need to be sold because half is mine and I’m damned if she’s getting any of it. You’ve got enough money to live abroad without a business or income I hope? Because that’s what you’ll have to do to be with her and paying to fly back to see the kids. Like I say, hope she’s worth it because you’ve just made your life costly and complicated”

This. Word for word. Are you a writer @chicken?

GertieMotherwell · 29/12/2017 09:00

I think saying what chicken said would be a complete disaster!

Please don’t say that thegrinch
I hope you’re ok 💐

DavetheCat2001 · 29/12/2017 09:02

How are you today OP?

butterfly56 · 29/12/2017 09:12

So sorry you're going through this OP Flowers

croon979 · 29/12/2017 09:16

So sorry OP, you must be in shock. I am afraid I don’t think his reaction was one typical of an innocent man.

I really would not recommend showing your hand now by saying you want half of the business etc. I think it is better to gather evidence and get a strategy together quietly in relation to assets before you figure out next steps.

Sancerresanwine · 29/12/2017 10:13

0p. Think clearly. Ducks in a row. Keep calm. So sorry for what you're going through Flowers

AndThenThereWereBadgers · 29/12/2017 10:54

How are you today, OP?

Your husband’s behaviour is very similar to my STBX. He also shared our ‘issues’ with her (I wasn’t aware we had any), I knew that she was his friend as they volunteered together and we even all went out once. It’s utterly heartbreaking. I found a secret email address, gift receipts etc. In the end, he wasn’t willing to ‘lose her as a friend’ and wanted me to fight for him, and that was that.

Whatever you decide to do, look after yourself and accepy support when offered Flowers

Original poster
thegrinchthatstolexmas · 29/12/2017 13:21

I already own half the company and the house is solely in my name.

He came back it long after midnight and insists it's me that has the wrong idea and it's all completely one sided.

Threatened to kill himself as he 'doesn't want to start again'

I called his mum and he has gone to stay there.

Messages OW asking exactly how long she has been in love with my husband and to think very carefully about her answer as that will dictate whether or not I tell her partner.

She said it's up to me if I tell him but she has never interfered with my relationship!

Literally laughed in her face as I pointed out admitting to my husband u love him was definitely interfering

Not heard from either of them today. His passport is at home so I know he hasn't gone to hers yet but no guarantee she isn't on her way over here

OP posts:
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