'D'H affair?!?

[thegrinchthatstolexmas]

'D'H has a long term friend that lives abroad. He also runs quite a niche business that involves lots of travelling abroad for meetings predominantly on the country that she lives.

She speaks various languages and has been acting as a translator for some of the meetings.

A few weeks ago whilst play fighting 'D'H called me by her name and passed it off as a simple mistake as he had been with there the previous week.

He's become more and more secretive with his phone but today have it to our DC to play games on whilst he was falling asleep.

DC then handed me the phone to get out of a WhatsApp message as they couldnt work out how to do it.

The message was from 'd'H's friend a generic picture message outlaying that she had 'fallen for their late night chats, fallen for the way he makes her feel' etc

Followed by a message from him to her saying he was free (I was out) could he call.

Then a message saying he wasn't free anymore. All this whilst DC were at home in his care.

Am I reading too much into this?

I would go batshit

Sorry op but he’s having at least an emotional affair. If it was all above board he’d call her whilst you were there.

Trouble is you’ll have an uphill struggle as you’ve no definite proof and he can sweep it all under the carport and be extra careful from now onwards.

I’d be asking him to cease contact and if he’s saying it’s all one sided, then I’d ask him to call her on speaker phone whilatuou are there and tell her to back off

Ring her from his phone so she picks up thinking it's him.

Phone her and ask her for her side of the story. And do it before he has a chance to call her first and plan more lies.

If it was all one sided then why is he sneaking around making sure he speaks to her when you are not around. It’s crap. I am sorry to be brutal OO but he is most certainly minimizing and following the script. I would also call her outright and say you know she is having an affair with your husband and see what she says. Ideally before he gets to her.

As others have said at the very least this is an emotional affair. You need to talk to him.

Also I'd be wanting to know about these late night chats that made her "fall for him"

Call her tell her your husband has told you “she has fallen in love with him”

She will soon tell you the truth

Agree with previous post, that's exactly what I'd do!

I would definitely be curious about her side of the story.

I’m sorry op at the very least she is a crap crap friend. Two ways to play it act like you believe him and then gather evidence or blow the whole thing open.

Phone her off his phone so she answers but on speakerphone. Ask her if they are shagging.

It's probably already a physical affair if she is saying she loves him.

Call her tell her your husband has told you “she has fallen in love with him”

^^^

And that it's one sided.....allegedly

If it was one sided - why has he not told you about it Before ? He's not it telling you the truth.

Yep let her know he has thrown her under the bus etc hopefully it will ignite an annnoyance in her that will reveal more truths......but do it before he gets a chance to sort a story out with her

Minimising and bull shitting you... deep down you know this.. as so sorry. So many of us have been there. I stupidly believed my husband and it all carried on but was much harder to detect then as he covered his tracks..

Call her... see what she says.. he’lol be panicking like mad and may already have warmed her.

How did he react when he caught you?

Good lord I am losing my faith in men after reading all these threads!
Hope you are ok op

Quite calmly asked
what do I want to do.
What do I think is going on
Volunteered to leave
Then said it was all one sided

I found out about DHs emotional affair 11 years after it happened as he had written stuff about it, in my case it was other way around, he said she had no idea and it was a crush that went too far, the issue is I dont 100% believe him at all and your post OP reminds me why, it’s the amount of texting, if she knew nothing, why would a 21 year old woman be texting a middle aged guy so many times a day consistently. However it does happen that some guys lack balls to tell someone to back off and I’ve had experience of that too with another over enthusiastic colleague with issues and a DH who didn’t want to make things worse by telling her to ‘cool it’ . If you want to see if he carries on with Whatsapp, use ‘whats Detective ‘ you don’t need to touch his phone

Tell him to leave end of

He is lying. Whether you choose to believe him is up to you

You're not reading too much into it.

Years ago I split with a bf. Met up again months later to have a night together and discuss things.

He cried and told me how life was hell, he was on anti depressants, couldn't move on, of course couldn't look at any other women they made him feel sick, hated new job.... but I was suspicious.

I looked at his texts when he was in the shower. He had sent dick pics , some with his workplace in the bg and a long thread of sexting to his new colleague.

So I text her as him; something very generic like :

"what shall we do ? / what do you think I should do?".

And I found out a lot from her answer.

Just read the update

If it's one sided and she's literally just caused shit in a marriage, he would be furious with her for worrying his wife.

He would back you up talking to her and be insisting she tells you the truth - that's she's a love sick psycho with ya school girl crush. Yet I have a funny feeling he won't want you talking to her at all