"But we took you to Stately Homes" - survivors of dysfunctional and toxic families

[toomuchtooold]

It's December 2017, and the Stately Home is still open to visitors.

Forerunning threads:
December 2007
March 2008
August 2008
February 2009
May 2009
January 2010
April 2010
August 2010
March 2011
November 2011
January 2012
November 2012
January 2013
March 2013
August 2013
December 2013
February 2014
April 2014
July 2014
Oct 14 – Dec 14
Dec 14 – March 15
March 2015 - Nov 2015
Nov 2015 - Feb 2016
Feb 2016 - Oct 2016
Oct 2016 - Feb 2017
Feb 2017 - May 2017
May 2017 - August 2017
August 2017 - December 2017
Welcome to the Stately Homes Thread.

This is a long running thread which was originally started up by 'pages' see original thread here (December 2007)

So this thread originates from that thread and has become a safe haven for Adult children of abusive families.

The title refers to an original poster's family who claimed they could not have been abusive as they had taken her to plenty of Stately Homes during her childhood!

One thing you will never hear on this thread is that your abuse or experience was not that bad. You will never have your feelings minimised the way they were when you were a child, or now that you are an adult. To coin the phrase of a much respected past poster Ally90;

'Nobody can judge how sad your childhood made you, even if you wrote a novel on it, only you know that. I can well imagine any of us saying some of the seemingly trivial things our parents/ siblings did to us to many of our real life acquaintances and them not understanding why we were upset/ angry/ hurt etc. And that is why this thread is here. It's a safe place to vent our true feelings, validate our childhood/ lifetime experiences of being hurt/ angry etc by our parents behaviour and to get support for dealing with family in the here and now.'

Most new posters generally start off their posts by saying; but it wasn't that bad for me or my experience wasn't as awful as x,y or z's.

Some on here have been emotionally abused and/ or physically abused. Some are not sure what category (there doesn't have to be any) they fall into.

NONE of that matters. What matters is how 'YOU' felt growing up, how 'YOU' feel now and a chance to talk about how and why those childhood experiences and/ or current parental contact, has left you feeling damaged, falling apart from the inside out and stumbling around trying to find your sense of self-worth.

You might also find the following links and information useful, if you have come this far and are still not sure whether you belong here or not.

'Toxic Parents' by Susan Forward.

I started with this book and found it really useful.

Here are some excerpts:

"Once you get going, most toxic parents will counterattack. After all, if they had the capacity to listen, to hear, to be reasonable, to respect your feelings, and to promote your independence, they wouldn't be toxic parents. They will probably perceive your words as treacherous personal assaults. They will tend to fall back on the same tactics and defences that they have always used, only more so.

Remember, the important thing is not their reaction but your response. If you can stand fast in the face of your parents' fury, accusations, threats and guilt-peddling, you will experience your finest hour.

Here are some typical parental reactions to confrontation:

"It never happened". Parents who have used denial to avoid their own feelings of inadequacy or anxiety, will undoubtedly use it during confrontation, to promote their version of reality. They'll insist that your allegations never happened, or that you're exaggerating. They won't remember, or they will accuse you of lying.

YOUR RESPONSE: Just because you don't remember, doesn't mean it didn't happen".

"It was your fault." Toxic parents are almost never willing to accept responsibility for their destructive behaviour. Instead, they will blame you. They will say that you were bad, or that you were difficult. They will claim that they did the best that they could but that you always created problems for them. They will say that you drove them crazy. They will offer as proof, the fact that everybody in the family knew what a problem you were. They will offer up a laundry list of your alleged offences against them.

YOUR RESPONSE: "You can keep trying to make this my fault, but I'm not going to accept the responsibility for what you did to me, when I was a child".

"I said I was sorry what more do you want?" Some parents may acknowledge a few of the things that you say but be unwilling to do anything about it.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate your apology, but that is just a beginning. If you're truly sorry, you'll work through this with me, to make a better relationship."

"We did the best we could." Some parents will remind you of how tough they had it while you were growing up and how hard they struggled. They will say such things as "You'll never understand what I was going through," or "I did the best I could". This particular style of response will often stir up a lot of sympathy and compassion for your parents. This is understandable, but it makes it difficult for you to remain focused on what you need to say in your confrontation. The temptation is for you once again to put their needs ahead of your own. It is important that you be able to acknowledge their difficulties, without invalidating your own.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I understand that you had a hard time, and I'm sure that you didn't hurt me on purpose, but I need you to understand that the way you dealt with your problems really did hurt me"

"Look what we did for you." Many parents will attempt to counter your assertions by recalling the wonderful times you had as a child and the loving moments you and they shared. By focusing on the good things, they can avoid looking at the darker side of their behaviour. Parents will typically remind you of gifts they gave you, places they took you, sacrifices they made for you, and thoughtful things they did. They will say things like, "this is the thanks we get" or "nothing was ever enough for you."

YOUR RESPONSE: "I appreciate those things very much, but they didn't make up for ...."

"How can you do this to me?" Some parents act like martyrs. They'll collapse into tears, wring their hands, and express shock and disbelief at your "cruelty". They will act as if your confrontation has victimized them. They will accuse you of hurting them, or disappointing them. They will complain that they don't need this, they have enough problems. They will tell you that they are not strong enough or healthy enough to take this, that the heartache will kill them. Some of their sadness will, of course, be genuine. It is sad for parents to face their own shortcomings, to realise that they have caused their children significant pain. But their sadness can also be manipulative and controlling. It is their way of using guilt to try to make you back down from the confrontation.

YOUR RESPONSE: "I'm sorry you're upset. I'm sorry you're hurt. But I'm not willing to give up on this. I've been hurting for a long time, too."

Helpful Websites

Alice Miller
Personality Disorders definition
Daughters of narcissistic mothers
Out of the FOG
You carry the cure in your own heart
Help for adult children of child abuse
Pete Walker
The Echo Society
There are also one or two less public offshoots of Stately Homes, PM AttilaTheMeerkat or toomuchtooold for details.

Some books:

Toxic Parents by Susan Forward
Homecoming by John Bradshaw
Will I ever be good enough? by Karyl McBride
If you had controlling parents by Dan Neuharth
When you and your mother can't be friends by Victoria Segunda
Children of the self-absorbed by Nina Brown - check reviews on this, I didn't find it useful myself.
Recovery of your inner child by Lucia Capacchione
Childhood Disrupted by Donna Jackson Nazakawa

This final quote is from smithfield posting as therealsmithfield:

"I'm sure the other posters will be along shortly to add anything they feel I have left out. I personally don't claim to be sorted but I will say my head has become a helluva lot straighter since I started posting here. You will receive a lot of wisdom but above all else the insights and advice given will 'always' be delivered with warmth and support."

@SingingLily

That's really interesting what you've said about not being able to cope with being wrong. A common theme when mine gossips is how she 'wouldn't have done it like that, she would have done it like this', and a common theme with her taking the huff and bearing a grudge is how she was right and if only people would have listened to her.

Mine said something a little weird a few months after we got engaged, it was hard to catch exactly what she said but it was an off the cuff comment pretty much referring to my OH as a lodger, when she said it she sneered. Maybe after us being together for so long her reality is that he will never ask me to marry him. I didn't ask her to expand because as usual she catches me off guard but it's one of those remarks that has stuck with me as it is so inappropriate (as well as untrue). I wonder if that's been her narrative, it would fit in people 'only being nice to me so they can use me' plus she can't bear to think of any couple, even strangers, as being loving or in love. She also does the 'it will end it tears', a lot! There's never a happy ending with her.

I've been reading the book, Feel the Fear and do it anyway, it's not a book about Toxic people as such but it does point out the difference between how some people will only have good things in their life and how some put up with bad. It also touches on some simple language choices that are subtle but one choice of word leads to guilt, the other leads to empowerment. It's made very interesting reading.

When I wrote my posts last week I was terrified of what I would have to face, even though I felt that I should explain myself to them i've read over and over that doing this will lead to nothing good. Putting everything aside, what's been done or said over these many years simply adds up to I don't want to see them and if i'm pinned down to explaining myself this is all I want to offer. The book has helped me there, it's replaced I can't see them (weak) with I don't want to (strong) and, this is all I can offer (weak) to all I want to offer (strong). It's amazed me how simple word changes have made me feel more confident. I hope I can keep it up - I will keep it up! It's hard, really hard but I could have another 30 years of her putting me down and bother causing, I don't want that.

Thank you for your well wishes and congratulations on your 25 years

Thank you, @NoraButty, for your kind thoughts.

The comment about your OH being little more than a lodger? Ohhh yes, I know exactly how that works! In the early days, M couldn't even bring herself to say DH's name so conferred a nickname on him that was just about this side of polite. I tried so hard in those days to try and persuade her to accept him - I could kick myself for that now. It was such a futile exercise. After all, I'd had a lifetime of disregard from her so why would she be any different with the significant someone in my life?

I've never read Feel the Fear but perhaps I should. You sound so much stronger and more confident today - I'm glad. There will be wobbles - I have them myself - but I've got distraction techniques in place till they pass and they are getting fewer and more manageable as time goes on. The fact that I didn't jump up and run to M to offer sympathy and support when she had her alleged collapse in the street means that her decision to NC me has turned on its head. Now I'm NC-ing her and quite frankly, it's a blessed relief not having her in my life. Now all I need to do now is get her out of my head altogether. It's a work in progress :)

Stay strong!

@Shepherdspieisminging

I'm so sorry that you are going through this. It's especially hard when you are trying to preserve your own home as your sanctuary and haven. @AttilaTheMeerkat's advice is so good and strong and clear (the number of times that she and @Toomuchtooold have bolstered my courage without realising - my deepest thanks to both) that I really hope you too find the courage to follow it.

As you say, it doesn't matter whether you give birthday presents or don't give them, you're damned either way. So why wait till the New Year to change things? Why not start now? After all, on top of everything, you've unfortunately lost your job, so financially things must be tough enough already. Why skin yourself buying Christmas cards and presents for people who don't appreciate you anyway and never will? Once you accept that you are never going to please them, then the only logical thing to do is to please yourself. It's only then that the horrible knot in your stomach will start to dissolve. It's only when you feel that you are taking back control of your life and your feelings that things will start to improve.

I wish you luck, Shepherds, and I hope today is a better day for you.

Completely agree @SingingLily . Attila and toomuch have posted insightful, empathetic, knowledgeable and sensitive advice. They do with with amazing clarity.

@AttilaTheMeerkat and @toomuchtooold are truly amazing. They give so much of themselves in these threads, I'm unable to express how important they are. They are the rock stars of my world. Selfless, using so much of their time to write intelligent posts. Attila & toomuch you're bloody incredible.

Ah simplysteve and singinglily that's really lovely, thank you - I'm really glad if my musings are helpful . I think the great thing about this thread is that you see people turn up asking for advice and then it's like a light goes on and then not long after they're offering advice themselves... we've all lived it, we all know how it works.

Oh you are too kind honestly. Happy to read that my words have been of some help to you both Steve and singingLily .

Its fast approaching a time of year that can be, for many people let alone Stately Homers, very hard for all sorts of reasons. May all the posters and observers to this thread have the sort of Christmas that they want. I will raise a glass to you all come Christmas Day.

@NoraButty I’m in a similar position to you. I left my exh who had made my life miserable for years. My first wedding my dad had not spoken to me for 18 months for daring to say I was saving to leave home. I celebrated my 21st Birthday, got engaged, left home etc with literally not a word from my father. It felt wrong to have him give me away for obvious reasons and the first time he’s spoke to me in 18 months was on the morning of the wedding when he asked me if I needed a bag that part of my dress was stored in. That was it.

I left my EXH after years of emotional abuse and two occasions of sexual abuse. The first Christmas I was away my DPS invited my exh to Christmas dinner. I spent Christmas alone.

My DP of 4 years wants us to marry (as do I) but after my parents screamed abuse at me in public at the graduation and then tag teamed screaming abuse at me for the hours drive back, I feel like I can’t have a big wedding and we will have an elopement. I’d love our daughters there and some of my close friends but know that I just can’t have that without them either there/ruining my day. So because of their behaviour I just can’t have the day I’d love

My DM is aware we will be having an elopement and deep down I’m sure she knows why as well. It means she can save face too as she won’t have to explain why she was t at our wedding and appearance is everything.she has said thousand she will be furious if we did it with out telling her, but again this is her trying to control everything.

Both of my parents have made my life a misery and this thread is a relief to know it’s not just me.

Oh and the best bit? DM had the brass neck to complain Christmas was miserable last year as it was just her and DF alone. She has tried to persuade me that I can have her and DF over to lunch despite there being no room as we will be spending it at our small flat with my DD and her DB. I was extremely tempted to suggest my EXH might be available Christmas Day I felt they are lonely.

Hey Shepherd im glad you found the thread, i hope it is helping.

I just wanted to say, my mother kept turning up at my house, banging on the door, one time for 45minutes then coming back a couple of hours later with my brother in toe. Threatened to take me to court to see my son, then after an email saying she was taking me to court to sue me for calling her a narcissist i lost it and called the police.

Since the police visited her she had made no attempt to contact me, sometimes its the only route you can take, especially if you really dont want them in your life. In my experience (i could be wrong) they dont stop while they think they are getting away with it if that makes sense.

I am only just feeling comfortable in the house again, stopping wondering if shes going to turn up, opening my living room curtains (its at the front of the house you can see in). Not jumping if someone knocks, actually spending time in the living room, its horrible living in that fear.

My mental health is improving all the time, though i still get anxious when i go into town incase i see her or if i think i see her car but short of moving theres not a lot i can do. Also at work im in a public facing job and keep thinking im seeing her, and i get stressed that if she was stupid enough to come in would i have to serve her and be professional (which im not ready to do) or if i refused to serve her would it cause a scene/get me in trouble.

Its hard at the moment because this time of year was her biggest control (we had to see her when it suited her, kicked off if we made time to see anyone else) and its not only weird but also sad because she was so ingrained that all the traditions were to do with her and sometimes it was nice and not so bad.

@Tara336 i feel you pain, i was so close to eloping at one point as she caused me so much stress (it wasnt a real wedding, complaining she wasnt involved, then going on about how things werent traditional anf i was doing it wrong, offering to buy my wedding dress then refusing to pay).
I would say your dream day is about being happy and them not ruining it, so elope and make the best of it, with your dc's, because anything you do will be better than them being involved and ruining it for you. (If that makes sense)

Sorry long post again!! I As you can guess shes on my mind again!!
I dont know if i have said before (apologies if so) sorry i dont always post, im on here every day and read all the updates. Sometimes i lose track and its to late to reply other times i just want to lurk.

@MummatoaMunchkn my first wedding was taken over by my DM I had to endure tantrums, phone calls where she would slam the phone down etc if she didn’t have her way. On the morning of my wedding she had someone come around to give HER a massage as she was so stressed. She makes everything about her. I have to watch everything I say and do in case I set her off. My lovely uncle died last month DM had been NC with all her family for many years but i instigated contact and they slowly sorted things out.

My exh told me the look of relief on my face when I sat and chatted to my DU one day and he said “your DM is on a knife edge and you never know which way she will fall” I realised after years of shit that it’s not me and not my fault, but it didn’t and hasn’t stopped the way she treats me.

Tomorrow is my cousins funeral we lost her so quickly after my DU I am considering not going as I’m just not in a good place right now and don’t feel I can cope with DF and DM. DM has decided meeting times/places etc without consulting with me as she now has my DD jumping through hoops for her as I’ve slowly started doing my own thing and actually saying NO.

I feel the need to try and protect DD but just don’t know how too. When I went NC for a little while over parents behaviour at my DD graduation it was the final nail in the coffin for me Andy I started to control my contact. But DM turned her attention to DD instead constantly grilling her about why hadn’t she heard from me or seen me etc.

I do always known they were difficult people but they told me over and over that it was me not them, that I was horrrible, spoilt and selfish. But when as an adult you look back at the things they have said and done and continue to do you realise they are completely unhinged. My EXH even said he couldn’t understand why I bothered with them after witnessing some of their behaviour.

They now have my DD running them backwards and forwards to hospital appointments as DF has cancer and his driving is appalling. I have told her not to do it if she’s doesn’t want too or can’t but I have refused to do it anymore as I was having to drive a 300 mile round trip without so much as a Thankyou yet golden child DB who lives 8 miles from DP is too busy with work (I work too but apparently it’s not a real job like DB as I work for DP business).

Currently DM has a mood on with me as DF will need to travel to hospital everyday for a month and I have found out train detail so and times, patient transport details etc which Is not what DM wants. What she wants is for me to stay nearby and drive them into London everyday and basically act as a taxi. Bear in mind they could if they chose easily afford a cab everyday and I have my own health issues and a business to run which is based 150 miles away.

At no point though will she ask DB to help as he can’t afford to take the time off (but I can apparently). I know that I must sound awful refusing to do this but there is a massive backstory with years of emotional abuse, bullying etc I guess I’m at a point in my life’s where I’m saying enough is enough I will do what I a man happy and comfortable with and no more.

Tara luckily your DD is probably old enough that your mother can't start messing with her head, but I think you're right to make it clear to her that she isn't obliged to help them. IMO people like this can be manipulative with anyone who's sort of basically polite - they find it easier with us their children, as we were trained to jump from an early age, but they can impose on almost anyone.

Shepherd I think you need to accept that anyone your stepmother has influence over may turn out not to be your friend. Like, keep things friendly with the relations that you like, but don't tell them stuff, don't complain about your SM, assume that anything they tell you about SM or other family members might be nonsense. People like your SM thrive on drama and triangulation, where they control the flow of information between family members and set one against the other. Don't get involved. You have to see them every day OK, plant a big smile on your face and wave a cheery "hello!" if you see any of them but don't stop and if you do have to talk to them, stick to the weather and other bland topics.

It does get easier, but it takes time to lose that fear response and it won't go away if you're still hearing stories from people and worrying about what she's saying and all that. Assume it will be bad. Then, let it go. If people choose to listen to nasty gossip about you, you're better off rid - they're no friends of yours.
By the way, your children won't resent you for depriving them of a grandma, but if they have contact with her, I predict that she'll try (and succeed) to set them against each other and you - don't fall for it.

Right! I am off to start the new thread, fresh for the Christmas influx. I will join Atillathemeerkat in raising a glass to all of you and to hope, despite it all, for a happy Christmas and a guid New Year when it comes.

Here we go... new thread

Hi Tara

I can only second what Toomuchtooold has written here along with a potted version of my own experiences of narcissists and terminal illness.

Re this part of your comment:-

"They now have my DD running them backwards and forwards to hospital appointments as DF has cancer and his driving is appalling. I have told her not to do it if she’s doesn’t want too or can’t but I have refused to do it anymore as I was having to drive a 300 mile round trip without so much as a Thankyou yet golden child DB who lives 8 miles from DP is too busy with work (I work too but apparently it’s not a real job like DB as I work for DP business)".

My BIL acted similarly to one of his acquaintances; the person who they collared to do such hospital journeys was not invited in for a cup of tea after ferrying them about so, let alone a thank you. He is a master of manipulation and he and his mother used non relatives in the same way. Do tell your DD she does not have to be a taxi service; she should feel under no obligation at all to do this. It may well come to pass also that your mother will make your DFs cancer all about her when all is said and done. And this did indeed happen.

My MIL also behaved appallingly when her late H was diagnosed with a terminal illness and this is only part of what she did and how she acted (note this word) around others. Image is all to such disordered of thinking people like she and BIL. Was I therefore surprised they acted like this, no not a bit of it. Its par for the course when it comes to NPD.

(this for Shepherds as well)
I have found that the only way to get a semblance of peace is to have no direct contact with them or if contact has to happen then its as infrequent as possible with grey rock techniques being put to use each and every time. It is really not possible to have a relationship with a narcissist.

And please Tara have the wedding you want with the people you want to invite to it. My parents were not present at my wedding overseas either and my dad made some crack beforehand alone the lines of, "well if you get married on a Thursday then no-one will come". Haha not. He also went on about having a Catholic priest taking the service when I had not been to mass for years. Such comments further lowered my already low opinion of him.

It's my birthday on Dec 26th. There's your excuse for raising a glass (or several) on two consecutive days!

Hello, it's my first post on here and I'm so tired and down atm don't feel up to much but getting desperate to resolve the issues from my childhood which still cast a shadow and blight on every aspect of my life. I try to avoid the "story of my childhood" or the nature of my parents as I'm seeing myself as wounded and to me it doesn't matter what caused the wounds, rather how to heal. Truth is I know the what and why of my issues but totally clueless on the "how" part which is how to resolve the dissonance that is going on in my head and move forward without carrying all this baggage. That said I'll give a brief account of my childhood, my father was diagnosed with a personality disorder (not sure what but definitely narcissistic, sociopath or borderline - probably bits of each) and was going to be sectioned when I was about 6 as he'd gone off in his car armed with guns and swords he'd collected with the intention of killing everyone at his work then himself but was stopped by the police before that happened and had a breakdown. He wasn't sectioned as mum stopped it and said she was able to care for him at home (seems that that was acceptable in the 70's) mum's a lifelong victim and by her own admission can't live on her own so was meeting her own needs by keeping him at home. My gran and her husband, my step grandad lived next door. I was the family scapegoat and blamed for everything that was wrong in the family. My brother was the saint. Gran wanted me to go into a children's home, step grandad groomed and abused me, my brother also abused me as did an uncle who is now in prison for abusing other children. My mother tried to smother me with a pillow when I was 4...
Lots of other things happened, I was a weird kid at school add doubt I smelt very nice as we were all very unkempt. I went to school barefoot on several occasions as i had no shoes. I was badly bullied at school and left home and school at 15 and was homeless for a short time before i got a job putting up market stalls and got a bedsit on my earnings as I'd turned 16.

I'm very proud of where I am now - 3 lovely children, a house which I've paid for. I'm a qualified nurse and until recently worked full time.
I've recently had a breakdown and on the brink of losing everything. I'm struggling to cope day by day and my youngest 2 children who live with me are at risk of suffering emotional stress because of how I am. I'm off sick due to breaking down at work and in bits over the prospect of losing my job and career.

I just don't know where to turn, I've forgiven my parents for my own sake as constantly ruminating on my past was stopping me from moving on. My parents are now elderly and still struggling with everyday life - they haven't changed. I do their washing and keep their home to a basic standard- they wouldn't cope without me. Dad fell yesterday - he's very unfit and both are very obese which causes them both to have numerous health issues. I cleansed dad's wounds, got him to rest and reassured him, he responded by angrily remarking that he'd disappointed us all by surviving again. It's water off a ducks back to me, there's no point responding.
People may well ask why I'm helping them as they've been truly awful to me. I help for 2 reasons, one awful reason is I want to inherit from them - I feel I deserve it as they didn't provide for us as children and it's rightfully mine. The other and probably more honest reason is that I'm still looking for acceptance and am finally getting their approval.
I need to heal, my confidence and self esteem has always been very low; I was diagnosed with complex post traumatic stress disorder. I'm angry inside and very introverted and just don't know how to have a healthy relationship.

@Sodthis4agameofsoldiers

I am so sorry to hear of this. You've overcome so many difficulties to make a life for yourself and I can only imagine how low you must feel now. Stately Homes is, I think, the right thread for you - there are others on there who have suffered in similar ways and will understand. Unfortunately, this is an old thread (I only picked up on it by chance). I'm afraid I'm too much of a technophobe to help you out with a link but if you search for it, the current thread is running at about 782 posts just now. Please try and post there. I'm sure support awaits.

Thanks SingingLily x. I'll try - do you know the title of the thread?

Sodthis4agame of soldiers

It's the same title and I'm fairly useless at IT but I've gone onto the new thread and I'm hoping that a message I've sent will appear in your inbox with a link to it. Fingers crossed!

No matter how old you are and no matter how hard you think you have insulated yourself against your toxic family they still sometimes see a chink of light and aqueeze themselves in.
Today I was in absolute floods of tears and I thought I was safe.
Always been scapegoated, treated like a 2nd class citizen and outside of the family unit.
I decided to move hundreds of miles away as the constant fact that they are an hour's drive away is always there, new life, new start with minimum contact.
I've had a hell of a few years, divorce, serious illness, loss of job, financial problems all of which I have dealt with completely alone with no help from them because none is given.
They know what day I'm going and they have all planned not to be around, parents and siblings. They just booked themselves holidays to avoid my leaving. I just burst into tears I was so hurt and upset.
I thought I was beyond all this.
Everytime a member of the family leaves the area, including cousins, aunts, no matter how minor a relative, or is going away for a long period of time they throw a leaving dinner for them. The whole family invited often they "forget" to invite me.
I'm leaving the area for good and there is nothing, no dinner, no goodbye, no do you need a hand with anything, nothing. They have all planned to go off a week before I leave. There is no invite for goodbyes.
I've should have seen this coming but somehow it caught me unawares and there has just been an outpouring of grief for my childhood that was wasted because of abuse and all the times I have been left out and treated differently.
Any discussion of any of it just falls on deaf ears, even my siblings.
It just made me realise that I've never received any love from them and they just don't care.
I've done nothing to deserve any of this. I've worked really hard, taken care of myself, brought up my DC alone.
Now I'm not even worthy of a dinner.
I think this is the end. It is highly unlikely I will ever drive down to see them (6 hours). I am just going to make a new life elsewhere, I've given up. I am not wanted and they couldn't have made this5-9 more clear if they had put up a banner on the motorway for me.

I keep coming back to this thread and reading the advice. Then wondering what it would feel like to just write a little bit of my story. Maybe the act in its self would be like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker. Just enough to stop the whistle from screaming. I dont understand all the abbreviations?

I keep coming back to this thread and reading the advice. Then wondering what it would feel like to just write a little bit of my story. Maybe the act in its self would be like releasing the valve on a pressure cooker. Just enough to stop the whistle from screaming. I dont understand all the abbreviations