Is my cousin BU to leave his wife over this

[babyShark]

They are both Doctors, married 2 years ago. She is currently training at various hospitals so they both live in different places, see each other every weekend. No DC , not planning to have for at least 3 more years.
My cousin called me last night to say that his wife had an abortion. He is upset and thinking about divorce, his reasons,

1. She didn't tell him she was pregnant
2. Can't be with a person who doesn't involve him in such an important decision
3. Told this over the phone
4. Can't be with a person who is so cruel

5.ruined Christmas

My cousin is a paediatrician, adores children, I can see why this is a deal breaker for him. Is he BU ?

Nope

I think she clearly has a side to hear here - "currently training". Training is brutal and all consuming.

If there's love there then there's a fuck of a lot of talking to be done.

To jump to thinking 'divorce' is an expression of feeling, not the mechanics of doing it. He's clearly in a lot of pain and needs to talk through his feelings.

He can leave her for whatever reason he wants, just like she can leave him for whatever reason she wants.

her body, her decision at the end. However not discussing it is clearly a deal-breaker for him, so that's his decision.

He can leave her for whatever reason he wants, so no he’s not being unreasonable. She’s also not being unreasonable for making her own decisions about her own body.

Hmm.
Sounds to me like he doesn't get that this is her body and thinks he gets some kind of a say.

1 is irrelevant given 2
2 - it's only a "decision" if the woman is experiencing any kind of dilemma herself and wants to talk things through with others before making her choice. Given her situation it sounds like she had no dilemma and knew immediately what she wanted so nothing to talk about.

3,4, and 5 are only hurting him because he doesn't understand 2.

Sounds like he is a bit of a prick and she is better off without him. Probably best not to try to salvage the relationship as she will have a better chance of selecting a less whiney life-partner the sooner he is out of the picture.

Agree will all PPs. Anyone can leave a relationship for whatever reason. However, in a marriage to make that kind of decision without even telling your partner, for most people would be unforgivable. If they can't talk to each other about the big things, they shouldn't be married.

I suspect she didn't tell him as she knew he would want the child. However, it wouldn't be his career that would be stalled and possibly never recover. She must have been in a terrible position and I won't judge her.

Sounds like he is a bit of a prick

The thing is she would have a baby in her body for 9 months. To him his baby is dead forever.
I agree with him tbh...

Is there a chance your cousin is quite controlling and she felt she'd be forced/guilted into keeping the baby? I understand why she wouldn't want to be pregnant if still training but if they can't discuss something as big and important as pregnancy and termination they shouldn't be together irregardless of what she did.

• I agree with all PPs except Tokenginger

less whiney life partner

Hardly 'whiney' to be upset his feet aborted his baby without even knowing she was pregnant....

Feet?? Dw....

Maybe she knew that he would put pressure on her to have the baby and she is very much focussed on getting to a certain point in her career. Which he doesn't need to consider for his.

Tricky.

I'd leave if DH made a decision of that magnitude without discussing it with me.

It was his child too. Yes, it's her who is pregnant however it takes 2 to make a baby and the dishonesty of lying by omission and then the abortion decision would leave me feeling like how can i ever trust you again? After all I didn't notice when you'd kept 2 massive things from me so you could be doing anything

I agree she should have told him. But, given his view I see why she didn't.
To the poster who said it is only nine months, another pregnancy could kill me, so it may only be nine months but I may not survive it.
If I get pregnant again, and believe me I will try my hardest, including having my tubes tied, for that not to happen, but if it did I will be straight off to the clinic.
I would tell DH, but if he tried to talk me out of it, I would be really upset.
It is my body.
It is my womb.
The thing in it may be half his, but he cannot do half the pregnancy.
If I was him I would be in bits wondering why my wife couldn't tell me something so important. Wondering if I was such an ogre? But no, this is all about him, isn't it?

Totally up to him - not really a discussion point for anyone else.

At Tokenginger
A bit rich of you to make assumptions and judgements of a person on a situation you know nothing about... plus we have not heard anything from the actual parties involved, yet you feel that you can call her vile and a bitch!!

You sound like a vile judgemental nasty person

I don't agree with abortion but I am a doctor in training and know how brutal it can be and how it can affect certain important life decisions very negatively...
OP this is a personal issue probably not best discussed on the internet. I would leave them to it.

He is not controlling, very supportive of her training and career. They both have plenty of family support and childcare is affordable given his income although I agree training is brutal.

I feel sorry for her. To not feel she could tell the one or supposed to support you is fairly telling.

He loves kids?? What, ... and women who have abortions don't? That's pretty offensive.

Agree with previous poster - she's better off without him.

In an ideal world she should have discussed it with him, in a healthy relationship she should have. So I'd question why she didn't. Because she new he was anti abortion and she knew she didn't want a child nowand he would try and stop her? Because it's made her realise she doesn't love him?

Too simplistic the ask the question in the OP

I would bloody leave her too! His baby too. They're married for goodness sake! Not just some fling x