Is my cousin BU to leave his wife over this

[babyShark]

They are both Doctors, married 2 years ago. She is currently training at various hospitals so they both live in different places, see each other every weekend. No DC , not planning to have for at least 3 more years.
My cousin called me last night to say that his wife had an abortion. He is upset and thinking about divorce, his reasons,

1. She didn't tell him she was pregnant
2. Can't be with a person who doesn't involve him in such an important decision
3. Told this over the phone
4. Can't be with a person who is so cruel

5.ruined Christmas

My cousin is a paediatrician, adores children, I can see why this is a deal breaker for him. Is he BU ?

Doesn't say much for the state of the relationship if she didn't want to and / or feel able to talk to her husband?

The issue isn't the abortion per se.

This will end up in the Daily Hate, for sure.

How do you know he won't take a career break or not, these things were never discussed, or given a chance to discuss.
Well actually if they've decided to wait for another 3 years, I would have assumed some discussion about taking a break in your career, how to look after the child etc... on effect a discussion on whether he would have taken a career break and so on.
I would be very uncomfortable with a situation where it's assumed that the woman is doing all the caring (as usual) but to suddenly see said father 'jumping to the rescue' because doing so would suddenly go against his hen wishes (such as avoiding a termination). If he was so keen on putting his own career in hold fur a child, why not saying so before???

Hermione, They agreed to wait 3 years. Does it say anywhere what their future plans were for maternity/paternity leave, childcare and so on?

How can anyone think this is not mainly about communication when the first 3 reasons given in the OP about why the dh is thinking of a divorce are all about communication and the last two reasons are a natural consequence of the first three???

Different, you have just shared your secret on MN, I did the same Really? There is a huge difference between me sharing MY own personal information where I cannot be identified and you sharing your cousin's wife's business here, with identifying details.

It's not YOUR secret though, is it?

She has every right not to tell him

He has every right to divorce her for exercising that right

Such a sensitive issue...

An update to those who are interested

She is adamant she didn't do anything wrong, its her decision to make solely.
She has told now because she can't travel and have to cancel their plans.
Very upset to see his reaction over this.
For my cousin the marriage is over. They are separating.

It's sad but I did think that there'd only be one outcome.

That is sad. However with her reaction it is understandable.

Did they genuinely talk or just fight?

I think if the wife/partner made such a big decision on her own and underwent the procedure alone, only telling him afterwards over the phone. It would seem that they are not very close, living independent lives and the relationship was probably coming to an end anyway.

What a terrible situation...

She should have told him as child was his too.... but it's a big decision for her to make on her own and difficult for her to go through too I would imagine.. could there be more to it than that?

I feel for them both really. I understand how he must be feeling. My husband would be mortified and would feel I had completely betrayed him. 

Well, she is right that ultimately it is up to her whether she goes through with the pregnancy ultimately. But I suspect the majority of partners would want to at least be included in the decision. She did basically go behind his back.

Posted too soon. It's very sad, but they should probably hold off the final decision until they've talked properly (with a marriage therapist?) rather than just shouting.

It's a shame he can't see beyond his own feelings, but as I said earlier, rather now than in ten years. This also demonstrates that she made the right decision when she terminated the pregnancy without his involvement.

It doesnt matter what the issue was.

His wife made a life changing decision without discussing it with him and he believes those decisons should be made together in a marriage. That is a major difference in attitude so no suprise he thought the marriage couldnt go on.

A marriage is built on trust and making major decisions together.
If this were reversed and a man made a decision with major financial or emotional implications for the other party, such as second mortgaging the house to fund a business, everyone would say LTB.

This ^^^ 100%

I hate the double standards on here sometimes.

It's ridiculous.

To the PP who suggest she could have kept this as a secret, Do you really think it s possible, how can you continue a relationship built on lies?

You'd be surprised. .... people do it. I'm not suggesting it's the right thing. If women can happily tell a man he's the father when he isn't...this lie is nothing in comparison.

I'm totally with your cousin on this one.

The trust is crucial

This also demonstrates that she made the right decision when she terminated the pregnancy without his involvement.

All it has demonstrated is that trust and communication is needed for a healthy relationship.

This also demonstrates that she made the right decision when she terminated the pregnancy without his involvement

Nonsense. This is why relationships fail. Poor thinking and judgement... with a failure to understand consequences.

You don't do what she did on a marriage or other loving relationship.

Ultimately we have no idea what either of these people are like in real life. She maybe a wonderful person with a crap husband or he maybe lovely and she a total nightmare.

But if she really thinks she did no wrong and he had no right to know that must surely be a deal breaker?

He may also be wondering if the child was his.

No he isn't bu. He can live his life according to his own boundaries, morals and expectations in a relationship. Only he can be the judge of it.

It's a shame he can't see beyond his own feelings, but as I said earlier, rather now than in ten years. This also demonstrates that she made the right decision when she terminated the pregnancy without his involvement.

She has a legal right to do as she pleases on this one. She has no legal right to insist that her husband (or anyone else) should be unconcerned. You don’t seem to get this.

There are plenty of things in life that matter very much but are not legal rights.