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Mumsnet has not checked the qualifications of anyone posting here. If you need help urgently or expert advice, please see our domestic violence webguide and/or relationships webguide. Many Mumsnetters experiencing domestic abuse have found this thread helpful: Listen up, everybody

Original poster

An update on my 'To top off my crap year...' thread

999 replies

October · 17/04/2007 14:40

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Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 14:46

Hello there!

I was wondering where you had got to. Ive been thinking about you and wondering how you are getting on too.

It all sounds really difficult for you at the moment but you seem to be steadily working your way through it. I am so sorry that things have got on top of you but I am sure, with the help of everyone around you and us fellow MN's of course, you will get through it.
You have already proved yourself to be a strong and capable woman and i'm sure it won't be long before you are feeling on top of things again.

xx

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:26

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mylittlestar · 17/04/2007 15:30

Glad to hear you're ok. Not sure what heppened and why you deleted everything but won't say anymore on that...
Just wanted to say I'm glad you're doing ok and hopefully changing the ADs and getting some good sleep will help you through. Take care xx

Pixiefish · 17/04/2007 15:31

Wondered where you'd gone the other day. Nice to see you back and I hope that you and H manage to work things out to whichever way you and he want xx

Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:31

Oh, i'm just plodding on. Concentrating on me and DD and loving every minute of it!! I've emotionally withdrawn from DP and it's quite a relief, i should have done it years ago. AD's have helped me to do that though. I don't feel lost in the black hole anymore. I'm just enjoying the moment while it lasts

It's you i'm worried about now. You seemed to have got on top of things before the name change etc, you seem really low now.

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:32

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mylittlestar · 17/04/2007 15:35

Ah right. Well as long as you're ok that's all that matters

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:35

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Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 15:36

Hi October. I'm so glad you posted an update as I've been thinking about you - didn't realise you had a name change [dur-brain emoticon]!

I'm so sorry to hear about your bout of depression - it sounds simply awful. I should just say that although I'm glad your h was "very good", it is his job as your partner to support when you're ill so you should expect him to be helpful.

Was a bit at his explanation for the problems in your marriage being down to your depression. Resisting the urge to write something rude about him as I know that will not be helpful to you. At least now you have a third party to reinforce what you've been saying along - I hope he starts to sit up and take notice of what he's risking losing.

Well done on what you've done with G - it could have so easily turned into a reason to leave H and you've been incredibly strong in the way that you've dealt with your feelings and the whole situation. I'm not really one for sending virtual hugs but will offer my ample bosom if you need it

Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:39

Yes he is still at home. Well, this is where he rests his weary head, he is never home other than that, not that i'm complaining. Ive set up a 'running away' account and ive filled in application forms for council and housing association housing. Ive got benefits advice too. Meanwhile, i'm just quietly getting on with it. I have my own room anyway, like my own little bedsit, so at least i can get out of the way when he is actually around. It's amazing how much better i feel for not actually being around him.

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:40

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Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:40

Good for you that's a positive, feeling all proud of yourself. i think youve missed us and thats why youve felt so low
You can rely on us to give you a lift (a bit like my new gel bra!)

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:41

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Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:43

oooh no! He knows nothing. I don't know what i'm going to do yet. Things are ok at the moment and i don't want to upset the applecart. I think the best thing to do will be to tell him when i'm going. Or even send him a letter when ive gone!!!

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 15:46

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Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:49

Yes, you got it. It's all my problem, it's all in my head blah blah blah. No, he wouldn't go to relate. As far as he's concerned there's nothing wrong with him.

Ifonlyhewould · 17/04/2007 15:50

How are you feeling about your DH these days? Are you happy with him? Do you think you will stay?

Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 16:51

October - I can't believe he would want to risk losing you over attending a few more Relate sessions If you think they're helping then I think you should stick to your guns on your ultimatum...

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 17:23

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lou33 · 17/04/2007 17:34

i was just about to email you to see how things were

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 18:34

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lou33 · 17/04/2007 19:55

i do understand that

i kind of guessed you were laying low

Cashncarry · 17/04/2007 21:22

Hi October, how are you feeling tonight? Hope things are ok. On the relate front, I think it's a good sign that he's going even if it's just so he doesn't lose you. Who knows, after a few more sessions maybe he will see the benefit of it for himself and start to take responsibility for what he's doing wrong rather than just fobbing things off onto you - I've got my fingers crossed for you.

I'm happy to see that you feel a little more hopeful about your future together. I know what you mean about the "little irritants" and the dread at the thought of growing old together but it's early days for both of you so maybe you should lower your expectations a little for now and just work on a month by month basis, what do you think?

Interesting to note that you think you need him - in what way? As a father for DS? Or because he's supporting you in depression?

Tell me to bog off if I'm being too probing by the way It's just it does seem as though his behaviour has coloured the way you feel about yourself....

Original poster
October · 17/04/2007 21:29

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mummytosteven · 17/04/2007 21:32

whether you end up going by yourself or with him, it's a good that you are now seeing relate, and getting a chance to work through your relationship issues. Sorry that you have been feeling more depressed, do you think that the Relate session precipitated it, or the timing was just coincidence.

I am a bit worried about you and this colleague G - in that you are still showing an emotional dependence on him. It feels like you have a pattern of trying harder and harder to gain approval from people who are acting coldly towards you.